Longingly, lovingly yours (INDEFINITELY DISCONTINUED)

4

(will be re-edited)

When I start gaining my consciousness back, it's to a feeling of confusion, body heavy and frozen in place.

I try to move, an arm, a leg, to lift my head, but when I realize that I can't no matter how much I try, limbs not reacting to anything I do, my eyes open slowly to find myself on a weird bed with a warm blanket over me.

I feel so darn weak and I hate this feeling, something that keeps me from defending myself if I need to. What if something dangerous happens to me? How do I counter-attack if I can't react?

It's unnerving to say the least, nose catching a few smells that I don't recognize, brain trying to understand just how much in danger I am when everything seems to show the opposite, because they aren't disgusting, aren't making me feel sick in the stomach, and that? That's not normal.

It's then that I start remembering what happened in short flashbacks that take my breath away, heart drilling a hole in my chest, head pounding because it all goes too fast.

The attack at the circus, the need to protect Hoseok, the fear that something would've happened to him, when I was shot, dragged and kicked, the human who had the stupidity of standing in front of me while showing me his back, just how easy I could have teared him apart, yet the simple thought of it made my soul seethe with disgust and repulsion, as if doing that would have killed me from the inside.

The gunshot I took when I saw the weapon being pointed at the human who made me feel things I don't understand, his scent soft and comforting, something that made me want to crawl to his side to feel safe and run away at the same time because I've never experienced anything like it before, my instincts claiming that I need to stay away from the unknown because curiosity killed the cat.

Yet I took the gunshot for him, didn't I? Even though I should've known better, I couldn't stand still, even if it hurt like hell to move. Why did I do that? It just doesn't make sense, after everything we went through because of humans, why did I go against everything I built to protect us?

What followed next is a blur, memories here and there all jumbled together and making me unable to really know what happened until another smell fills my memory, something sour but nothing unpleasant, except for the fear that kept mixing in with it.

An odd feeling that warmed my heart as fingers would stroke my fur, a soft soothing voice reaching my ears and begging for me to stay strong.

Then I remember being moved around and settled down on a cold surface before being thrown into complete darkness.

And now, here I am, but this time, I'm alone.

No comforting scent, no sign of anyone I know, nothing to help me understand what is going on.

Just white, white everywhere.

I exhale softly, wishing I could move and hide, my position in the middle of the room something that leaves me incredibly exposed and vulnerable, something I absolutely despise, it doesn't make me feel safe, it's dangerous. Just how easily someone could come in here and hurt me.

I don't know this place, I don't know the people here and everything smells different and so far, different has always meant dangerous, which means I need to be on my guard.

Are Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon and Jungkook fine? Are they safe? Did Hoseok survive the attack, was he badly hurt because of me? So many questions that force me to keep trying to move, a low tingling under my skin, like an uncomfortable itch that makes me hiss in discomfort. Why is everything so complicated?

I keep pushing to move, my instincts pleading to get control of my body again, to not stay so still when anything can happen to me and finally, I manage to move to the side a little, except that it ends up making me fall off the bed with a loud thump and the pain that shoots through my whole body is enough to have me growling loudly in shock.