𝐌𝐲 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 |𝓙𝓪𝓶𝓮𝓼 𝓢𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓟𝓸𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻

62. Bathtub

(A/N: ok, I cried my eyes out for three days straight-gay-, and I am ready to continue💅)

After changing into James' pyjama bottoms, and making sure he was decent for me to enter the room again, I yawned and said good night to him.

"Night." He let himself fall on his back and I jumped in to Teddy's bed.

"Woah woah woah."

I lifted my head up from the pillow and gave him an odd look. "What?"

"Why are you on Teddy's bed?"

"Well I'm not going to sleep on the floor, am I?" I cut him off before he could even open his mouth. "There are three, big, available beds in this room, so why to squish in one? Now, good night."

He sighed and turned off the lights.

That wasn't the reason I actually wanted to sleep alone.

Well, I don't even want to sleep alone, but if I sleep right next to him, I might start crying. And I do not want that to happen.

I know, I know, I sound like a little brat who is being extra dramatic.

I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I know so many women, and men, has been through way worse.

My problem is not even a real problem.

That's why I am not planning on telling anyone what happened.

*****

Hours passed and the I could see the sun slowly rising.

We still had a few hours before lessons, and I didn't even close my eyes to sleep.

I turned in the bed for hours, not even blinking, and thinking about what happened over and over again.

I acted so stupidly!

I could have stopped him before he... touched me! But I wasted my time with warning him about things that he doesn't even care about!

I got off the bed quietly and walked over to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

I filled up the bathtub with hot water and took off the jumper James gave me. If it gets wet, his scent will be washed off, and I don't want that.

I was only wearing my bra and James' pyjama bottom while getting into the bathtub.

I sat down in the warm water and stared at the white wall in front of me.

I could have walked away, I could have push him away before he grabbed my neck, I could have hit him earlier! It was my fault!

I didn't stop him fast enough, which made him think that I was okay with it! He touched me and it was my fault!

How can a person be this stupid?

I felt a tear on my cheek and quickly wiped it away. More tears came, and I was so tired of holding it in, so I let them fall.

No one can see, or hear me anyway.

Maybe I can have just a moment, all by myself. Without worring about people seeing me cry like a little girl.

The more I let them fall, the more I felt like they will never stop.

I cried and cried for maybe about one hour straight.

And I cried and got angry even more, knowing that I am crying over something that is not even that bad.

I heard a small crack sound and quickly looked over to where the sound came from.

"Lily, why are you having a bath? It's almost-" He doesn't continue and looks at me.