Finding myself (18+)

Chapter 18

"Just tell me when you're in a relationship," Char informs me in the kitchen, while he's finishing the dinner.

"If it's not official, I don't want to know about it." He continues.

"In fact, I don't want to hear or see it, hide it from me. Hide it well!" He completes, giving me a warning glance before I could say anything else. The' experience of Andrew coming here and talking to him seemed traumatic to him, and a decision-maker. The aftermath of their discussion plus our conversation made him decide it's better to stay out of it.

I'm relieved, I wasn't comfortable sharing my sex escapades with him anyway.

Once dinner is ready we join Dani and Liam in the living room to eat. They are talking about a movie they watched together yesterday. According to their discussion, it was about psychology. It seems it was a very good movie. They are engrossed in it and I didn't know Liam was so interested in this subject.

***

I would lie if I say my week is the same without Andrew here. It gets quite... quiet, and well boring. And it forces me to deal with whatever is happening in my head. I believe it's called 'freaking out'.

Whatever non-relationship we're having is messing up with my head. How the hell aren't we in a relationship when I've never felt so much like one before?

It doesn't make sense. I'm working into not overthinking, not reading too much of his actions. I always get it all wrong. But is quite hard and I can't keep up. The fact that I'm missing him only makes it harder.

I want to talk to Dani about it, let her help me understand his way of thinking because it's messed up.

The guy has no physical boundary issues. He wouldn't mind sharing his toothbrush with me, sharing his closet, or even the key to his apartment. But simply naming our 'thing' as a relationship freaks him out.

Is usually the opposite, isn't it?

And I'm not sure exactly what I'm afraid of, but I couldn't talk to Dani about it. Because it doesn't matter the outcome of the psychological analysis. If it's him not liking me enough to have a relationship. Or truly liking me but not ready to commit. Whatever issue he has in naming it, it scares me anyway.

I don't know when he's coming back. And that plus the fact we haven't talk since he left is proving to me that we're not in a relationship.

The interview for my visa goes well. As the communication with the college and all paperwork. I'm preparing everything. The challenge now is to find good dorms in Paris. I want to find a nice place inside the city, which happens to be almost impossible.

***

I open the second box Jeremy left in my office to search for some reports he requested. Damn the guy likes papers.

He has a lot considering the affiliate here is not old. It has been created a bit before Andrew's arrival.

Jeremy wants to track some specific reports done for an older project that could be useful in the new one. And I exercise my control in not digitalizing every single document in here. It's not my decision to make and something tells me Jeremy would use the paper anyway.

I jump when a hand wraps around my arm bringing it out of the box. I know it's him before my eyes find him. The smell of his shampoo still gives him away. Yet, I'm surprised by the sudden attack.

I didn't know he had come back. And here he's in front of me, carelessly brushing his lips on mine before I pull away.

"Andrew", I can't identify if I'm warning him to stop or begging for more.