Finding myself (18+)

Chapter 29

Andrew's POV

If James knew I'm drinking whiskey and not water while he waits for his bride at the altar, I'd be a dead man.

No surprise when he chose Noah to be his best man instead of me. He knows I don't believe in the act. The act he's about to perform.

The marriage.

The way the bridesmaid glances at Noah, and he winks at her, while she's heading to the altar proves what I've been dreading. They're having their own act together. James won't be happy about how his best man can't keep it in his pants.

The bride appears at the entrance of the church and the murmurs turn to sniffles. The thing barely started and the women population is already crying. I take another gulp of my whiskey to go through the emotional hype.

She walks on the aisle and my eyes move back to James. The guy is emotional and I rub my chest sooting something inside. A need to reach my chest and yank my heart out. Except I'm too late, Kelsey already got to that vital organ first.

Since I came back from Paris is like my heartbeat has been increased its pace for good. It's abnormally fast and it doesn't return to its usual rhythm.

I thought fate had finally reached me and I'd end up like my father. Or worst, like my grandfather.

I didn't tell anyone, but I've gone to the hospital at least twice fearing I was having a heart attack. I wasn't.

Diagnosed as stress, anxiety, my body is reacting to whatever is disturbing me.

And I call it bullshit.

Because it's impossible for my heart to be even beating while it feels like it has stopped altogether. Since that day, since the day she took it from my chest and squeezed it. What was left was a hole. An empty hole.

James and his bride change vows and kiss. They look happy, so I drink to them. Wishing they can preserve it, but I know what the pressure, the commitment, the whole 'forever thing' does to people.

It brings the worst in them.

There are so many expectations in it. It's heavy and the expectations turn to disappointment. It leads to cheating and fighting and when you figure it out you are unhappy in the middle of a nightmare and cannot quit anymore. Because you're committed to it, have a family, kids who are drowning in your mess. I know it first hand. I was that kid.

Everyone is on the dancefloor after dinner. Dancing and enjoying and I'll have to yet quit my spot at the table. I'm ignoring everything and everyone, as I've been doing the entire week.

No, as I've been doing my entire life.

"I brought you this. It's from the main table." Noah places what looks like candy in front of me. Every single time he reminds me of the fact he's the best man. He's part of the VIP at the wedding.

And I'm not.

"Don't tell James, that's only for the VIP." He winks. I roll my eyes, he's being impossible since James asked him to be the best man.

"Why are you alone? I thought you would be doing the brunette who was on your left."

I frown and shrug. There was a brunette on my left?

Haven't noticed, I've been alone at the table for a while. During dinner I was too busy on my phone to talk to anyone else, so busy I killed my battery.

"You haven't noticed a hot chick on your side?"

"She probably wasn't that hot," I respond.

"Have you been with anyone else?"