𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

3. 𝑁𝑜𝑡 𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ 𝐼𝑡

October 31, 2000

Syn

"Happy birthday, Syn," my mother whispered sadly as she held a cupcake in front of me. I watched her look at the chains on my wrists with tears eyes. I could tell she was trying her best not to cry, but I didn't understand why she was so...sad? She has a frown on her face and from what I learned that's what sadness was, but there was nothing to be sad about.

My mom taught me that people were sad for a lot of different things: when someone died, when someone was in pain, or when their feelings were hurt. None of those happened today, so I was really confused.

I thought birthdays were a time when people were supposed to smile. They always smiled when it was Felix's birthday...was it just different with me?

I took the cupcake from her hands as best as I could and held it between my own. "Thank you," I whispered as I looked at the candle. I flinched as she moved to give me a hug and a tear fell down her cheek. "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you cry?"

"Umm," she said with a small smile. "Because I'm sad."

"Oh," I said lowly. "Should I be sad with you?"

"No," she quickly shook her head. "Being sad isn't a fun thing, Syn. I would never want you to be sad."

"Okay." My stomach began making noises and my mother laughed. "Was that a sad laugh or a happy one?"

More tears began streaming down her face at my question and I waited patiently. My mind was jumbled with the many possibilities of what was going on. I was able to read facial expressions, but more often than not, I was wrong about how people were feeling.

Maybe that's why I wasn't allowed to go outside anymore.

"I don't know," she whispered. I continued eating the cupcake and she hummed a random tune as she sat down in front of me. "Can I ask you something, Syn?"

"Sure."

"What did you feel when you killed Julius's friends? I'm sure you know that everyone is pretty upset with you."

"I felt a little sleepy," I said with a shrug. "Why are people mad at me? I didn't say anything hurtful."

"Syn..." she said as she wiped her tears. "Those people had families. And when people's families die, they get upset. Especially at the person who is responsible for their family being gone."

"But aren't we family?"

"Yes, we are."

"Then I don't understand," I whispered. "I wouldn't be upset if you were killed."

She began crying again and I sighed. "I know you wouldn't, Syn. And it's my fault that you're like this."

"Like what?"

She ran her hand through my hair and shook her head softly. "So lonely, and heartless. If I hadn't been so stupid, then maybe you would've been born to a better mother. One that would know how to care for you."

"I think you're a great mother," I said with a full mouth. "You're very nice to me."

She nodded slowly as she picked up a cup on the floor beside her and held it out to me. "I know you don't know what it is, but I do love you, Syn. In another life, I hope you can find happiness. I hope you're born into a family that will treat you well, and I hope that your mind will be different."