𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

69. 𝐴𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝐵𝑒𝑠𝑡

May 13, 2023

Syn

I took a deep breath, pushing away memories of the past and hoping Queen wouldn't bring it up again. I told her I'd tell her everything...and at the time I meant every word, but after letting everything sink in, I may have spoken too soon. She deserved to know everything she wanted- I knew everything about her...but I just didn't see the point in digging up buried bones. And mine were buried deep, I made sure of that. It would destroy me to dig them up let alone divulge everything to her.

Even with all the shit that was happening right now, I didn't feel like I was completely at rock bottom. She still loved me and as long as that was the case, rock bottom was a long downhill slop away. Knowing the things that had happened to me...knowing the things I had done as a result...that would change things. She already knew I was the villain in most stories, I wasn't interested in seeing her realize I was a monster too, not yet.

Not when I felt like shit and would be too weak to defend my side of the story.

I felt like shit these past few days. When Queen left I could barely get out of bed and the pills were the only thing keeping my head above the water. I was the best version of myself and I was sure everyone would've agreed if they didn't know that the drugs were the reason. Now, I had Queen which meant everything to me, but I was physically dying inside. Every atom in my body was screaming in pain for me to get some needed relief. I tried coffee, getting more sleep, and running...but nothing helped.

I was a tense bag of shit with continuous headaches and muscle pains. If I let myself relax for even a moment I would break out into a sweat and start shaking like a fucking maniac. I didn't want to scare Queen away or give anyone here a reason to think I couldn't handle it so I used every single atom of control residing in my body to remain absolutely still.

The door to the closet slid open and I weakly looked up to see Queen step out. She had ditched the oversized shirt she was wearing for a pair of light blue skinny jeans and a tight fitted grey top. I watched her as she tied her dark hair up, my pain temporarily subsiding as I got lost in her beauty.

Noticing my stare, she smiled and walked toward where I was sitting on her bed. "Let's go downstairs?" She held a hand out, wiggling her fingers. I took her soft hand into mine, placing a kiss on it before standing up.

A painful ache flooded my chest as I join and I took a deep breath in an attempt to cover a wince. I let out a slow breath hoping Queen wouldn't notice but when I looked down at her, her eyes were on me. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"If there is something wrong, you'll be the first person I tell," I said.

"Okay," she smiled sincerely. She kissed my knuckle before laying a kiss on my jaw and a wave of heat rushed down my body. I almost scoffed at myself. As sick and out of it as my body was, it still reacted to her. No matter how much control I exhibited over myself, it seemed to succumb to her touch.

She pulled my hand, walking ahead toward the stairs and I closed my eyes momentarily as a pounding headache ensued from the chatter and the potential chaos that was about to happen. I didn't know why her family gave me so many chances. If I were them I'd never let Queen see me again quite frankly. That said a lot- probably more about myself than anything.

The descent down the steps felt like an eternity and as we got closer, the louder their voices seemed. I opened my eyes when we reached the bottom of the steps and I keenly took note of the sudden silence.