𝐒𝐲𝐧 ┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

39. 𝐼𝑛 𝑇𝑜𝑜 𝐷𝑒𝑒𝑝

May 9, 2023

Queen

I knocked on Syn's door and waited patiently for him to answer. My heart was pounding in my chest as I thought about what I would say- what he would say to what I would say. Sigh. I was a mess.

The door opened and I took a step back. He stepped into my view and crossed his arms as he leaned against his door frame. He raised a brow, waiting for me to speak and I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." I wrung my fingers nervously. "I shouldn't have- I should have heard you out instead of just leaving like I did."

He said nothing in response.

"Okay." I nodded. "Well, I'll leave you alone. If you need space I completely un—" He grabbed my arm, pulling me inside before closing the door behind us. He gently backed me up against the door and I held my breath, waiting for him to kiss me or choke me...maybe both. I wasn't exactly objecting to either of them.

He placed his hand on the wall beside my head and instead of doing either, he dropped his head to my shoulder.

"We need to talk tonight and figure everything out. I'm not sure how many more times I can survive watching you leave me."

"Okay." I nodded. "We can talk."

"Will you leave?"

"No," I replied honestly. "Will you?"

He took a deep breath and stood up straight. "I never do." He walked to the table and pulled one chair, placing it in the middle of the room. Then he grabbed another one and sat it directly across the other. He took a seat in one, blowing out a breath as he rested his arms on his legs.

I sat down in the chair directly in front of him and he watched me silently for a few moments. We both sat quietly. The two people in the world with the most to say to one another yet not knowing what to say at all.

"I'm not sure how to do this," he said.

"Me neither," I admitted. "We've had so many talks like this before...I'm not sure what we can do now to fix things. We have a lot of baggage."

"Well." He sat back. "We will be spending the rest of our eternal lives together so better to get it out the way now."

I laughed softly at his words and nodded. "Yeah

"Yeah..." he said, running a hand down his face. "I know where to start, but I'm not sure if either one of us wants to go back there."

"We don't really have a choice anymore, do we?"

"It would appear that way."

"Okay, then," I said. "How could you ever think I was cheating on you? I never got that explanation from you. Hades briefly explained it the best he could, but I want to hear it from you."

He sighed and rubbed his hands together before nodding. "After seeing what I saw on your phone...I really believed there was someone else, but I wanted to give you one more chance to prove me wrong. Instead of answering my questions though, you were sketchy. That confirmed any doubt in my mind."

"I wasn't lying when I answered you, Syn. I kept my answers vague because I wasn't sure how interested you were in some boring meeting. The contact on my phone was a joke..."

"I'm aware of that now and the little details fail to be important to me in the big picture. I didn't trust you...and then I..." he paused, taking a shaky breath as if it pained him to say it out loud. "I hurt you."

"I forgave you for that."

"But you'll never forget it," he whispered. "Every time I get upset with you, you'll go back there and it is fucking soul-crushing to watch it happen."