Musings of the Insane

I can't take it

Too many voices,

I can't separate,

the words.

I need to hear them all,

because they are all

telling me something important,

each word critical to life.

Telling me what to do,

who to trust,

where to go.

I can't take it anymore!

They're too loud,

too bossy,

too strong,

too mean,

too everything.

They break me every time

I look in the mirror.

They tell me I'm ugly and fat,

so I starve myself,

even though I'm only

106lbs.

But I don't eat,

Only drink water,

on occasion I'll drink a 

glass of juice,

mixed with water.

I feel my stomach rumble,

begging for the sustenance it needs

to function, but I deny it, 

saying 'I must lose weight to be 

beautiful'.

I must be perfect,

I must smile and make sure

that no one else notices

the longing looks I give

to other students trays,

jealous that they get to eat,

whatever and whenever they want,

without the voices screaming at them.

Telling them they should be ashamed,

saying that they will be fat if they eat

a single french fry, just one will make you ugly.

I can't take it. I feel my body shutting down,

refusing to work without fuel,

needing something to get energy from.

So I walk into the kitchen,

and make myself a salad,

no dressing, no cheese.

just greens and veggies.

But it's fuel, and my body slowly reboots.

But the voices scream louder.

I can't take this.

Help me.

please.