Without Jesse

(13) telling

✨Talia✨

"When I first met Jesse I thought 'That's the one. She's gonna be my friend.' and then I went over and asked her 'Do you want to be my friend?' That was how it started. 2 girls. Best friends. Forever. We were always together. Sisters. We painted and did art together, won most of the art show's 1st and 2nd place prizes, hung out together, sleepovers, picnics, sneak outs. Everything. We made sure anything important we did together, all of my memories have Jesse in them.

She was my other half, as I was her's. Then... then high school started. Everyone was changing. Figuring out their sexuality, who they were, puberty, everything. At some time Jesse lost her way slightly. Started vaping, hooking up. Not good. But I tried to help her get off that path and I did. I also, somehow, helped her find out her sexuality. She... came out." Sandy gasped slightly and tightened her grip on my hand and I continued,

"She... wasn't straight." I whispered the last bit. I felt a little tug, deep in my heart. A little knot untangling itself. I knew it was meant to feel good, but instead I felt guilty. I was relieved I got to tell someone Jesse's secret. I'm a horrible person. "A few weeks later a video went out. To the whole school. Jesse had had a crush and, confessed. Then... they kissed. And some jack ass decided they would make a little video of their kiss. They took a photo edited it. Music, emoji's, everything. And sent it out on Instagram, Facebook. Everywhere. Jesse's mom... wasn't so supportive. Jesse was so scared, so sure her mom would kick her out. For 5 days that video hung around our heads, rumors started and soon enough Jesse got bullied. Bad. For weeks she was bullied online, at school, by our friends. I yelled at them to bug off but that just encouraged them, they taunted us and said how we were probably hooking up every chance we got. I didn't care what they said but... Jesse did. I tried to tell her it would all be in the past soon but she was disturbed by their words.

3 days later her... her mom's friend saw the video. And she showed Jesse's mom. Her mom texted Jesse, saying to come home and that she saw the video. Jesse knew something cruddy was about to go down cos there was no emoji's no 'I love you's', nothing that was... normal. That night, I made up an excuse to my mom to stay with Jesse at study hall. We made sure we had to stop at every shop we passed just so we could delay the talk. When we got closer she got hysterical. People offered help but I pushed them away. She was sweaty, crying, and tired. I couldn't blame her.

When we got to her house... it was dark. Nearly 12am. I.. I left her. When she hugged me she whispered a..." I felt vomit enter my mouth. I hadn't even remembered this until now, if I had... could I have been able to save her?

"She... what? Do need to stop? I don't mind-" Sandy looked at me worried but I squeezed her hand reassuringly,

"She whispered... 'I'm sorry, I love you, little sister.'... Omigod." I whispered. She warned me. I... I... I rushed to the bathroom and threw up. Even though we hadn't eaten I felt all of the food I had eaten the past few days go into that vomit. She warned me. I felt a warm hand on my back,

"Shhh. It's okay." Sandy murmured as I threw up some more. I cried as air fought into my lungs,

"She-she w-warned me! She- she-" I threw up some more as I smelled the sticky smell of her blood. I could have saved her. I wailed as Sandy held me. Like how I should have held her.

"It wasn't your fault Tally. Do you need me to get someone?" Sandy whispered into my ear. I shook my head and whispered,

"I'm gonna go to bed." I stumbled out of the bathroom after flushing the toilet and climbed into my bed. I pulled the covers close but it didn't help. After Sandy went to bed, I creeped until my head was resting on the floor whilst looking under my bed upside down. I reached for Jesse's necklace and put it around my neck. I felt much better. But I had to do one more thing.