Without Jesse

(58) tears, truth, trouble - part 2

✨Talia✨

"Bro can you just stay still for 30 seconds!" Jesse complained as I wiggled on the chair uncomfortably again.

I rolled my eyes and replied, "It's kinda hard when I'm sitting in the most not comfy position for the past 45 minutes! Why couldn't you just take a photo of me and use that as a paint reference?" This time Jesse rolled her eyes at me.

"Because that isn't the same! And I want the painting to hang on my wall for all to see and I'd rather it be amazing. But it can't be amazing if you keep moving every time I change the colour... there you do it again!" She whined as I shuffled on the chair. I laughed as she muttered under her breath.

"Okay, I'm sorry I will try my best not to move that much for the remainder of the time." I apologized. Jesse nodded before picking out a new paintbrush, I kept my position as best as I could for her.

We hadn't had any one of one time together since my parents had started to think Jesse was a bad influence. If only they knew I was just as bad, if not worse, than her.

"So... has Ben been bothering you lately?" I asked after what felt like forever, I noticed the slight frown in Jesse's expression at the name of her bully.

"Nothing major. Keep still." She waved off before painting some more. I grimaced and asked again,

"What kind of stuff is 'nothing major'?" Jesse's eyes narrowed and she said impatiently,

"Just teasing. Keep still." I snapped my mouth shut for a few more minutes before blurting out,

"Has his gang hurt you again? Cause we could still go to the cops about that-"

"I said keep still Tal! Jesus, would you just keep out of it I don't want them going after you as well. It's nothing I can't handle." Jesse exploded; my mouth hung slack as I took in her words.

Yeah, I had stood up to her bullies for her, in a pranking form, but I didn't think they would be telling her that they would hurt me...

"Sorry, I just... it's nothing to worry about. Seriously. Just stay still for another half hour then we can binge watch Stranger Things. 'Kay?" Jesse apologized quietly, looking at me guiltily. I smiled at her weakly and nodded,

"Whatever you say J." I whispered.

I brushed my finger over the painting, taking in her smile and mine. For a 16 year old Jesse was amazing at portraits, and I was so proud of her.

I took a deep breath before slowly unclipping the fairy lights around the painting, I rolled them up into a ball and placed them onto Jesse's floral duvet.

I took a shaky breath and looked back at the painting, the sudden urge to cry became to much. One single tear rolled down my cheek, and that was when the flood gates opened.

I was so scared to see if there was any message for me, so angry that I couldn't every see Jesse's smile again, so sad that I wouldn't have a sister to look out for, to be there for.

I slipped off her bed and walked around her room, trying to calm myself. I looked at her favourite quotes written up of the wall, ranging from her favourite actors, actresses and celebrities to just silly made up things.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong.

Jesse loved that quote; she was very much so into feminism and equality for all people.

I sniffled as I sat down in her bean bag, I looked up at the roof, the painting of her and the shadow of a girl kissing. 15cm across from it was a collage she made, it was of her and me over the years we hand know each other.