Without Jesse

(32) supportive sisters

this chap is gonna be depressing and down putting so if you want to skip this and go onto the next chap go ahead! but if you do read, please no hateful comments!

stay happy, stay alive, and eat chocolate!

luv ya CrazyCrew!

🙃😇🎼❄ Xx

✨Talia✨

I felt my heart race as I walked up to the door, where a perky 'Girls Let's Talk Session Is Commencing! Please do not disturb!' sign was hanging on the door. I took a deep breath before sliding open the door.

Glasses whipped her neck around at the sound of the door opening so fast I was worried it snapped, her eyes narrowed at the sight of me. She smirked and called out to the group, "Look guys, it's Little Miss No Talking!" Some of the girls snickered at this whilst others looked at me with sympathy. 

I glared at Glasses and replied sarcastically, "Really feeling the love." She snorted and opened her mouth to say something else but Alex stopped her by saying cheerily,

"Ok! That's enough anger and annoyance for the day! Tally, thank you for coming to this session! Aliesha has been telling me you've been skipping your other group. I know you don't want to go to them cause they can be a teensy bit of a bore," She winked at me, hinting that she knew they were always a pain in the butt to go to every time,

"But... they will really help you. Whether you like it or not. Aliesha will speak with you about it after this. But moving on!" Alex concluded, but I knew I had to get this over and done with. I stood there awkwardly as I cleared my throat and whispered,

"I'd actually like to say something about... my loved one." The whole room looked up at me, I saw Isabelle give me a quick thumbs up, I nodded my head slightly at her. Alex nodded at me and waved for me to sit down on my the purple bean bag near the front of the room. I did and took a deep breath before stammering,

"H-her name is-was Jesse. We did everything together, from when we were 8 years to 10 months ago-" I stopped, choking on my own words as I realized what I had just said. 10 months?! Had it really been that long since her death? 2 months and it'd be a year... oh my god. How had I dealt with it? Would this be how it always is? Time flying through grief, tears, blood, and memory? In 5 years time would it be like that? 10? 20?

"Helloooooo anybody there?" Glasses snapped, knocking me out of my trance. I glared hardly at her and mumbled,

"Sorry... just thinking... anyway. 10 and a half months ago a video was leaked. Of Jesse. Of Jesse and a girl. And, the vid got back to her mom. And her mom was religious. Very, very religious. And old fashioned. So Jesse was very scared to go home that night, she got a bottle off a jerk in our class and got drunk before I walked her home. Turns out, she didn't want to go home. So we ended up walking around the city, visiting special places, talking, laughing.... crying. Eventually Jesse's mom and my mom started calling and texting, demanding we come home. Jesse was... was breaking." I felt my hand shake, a sign I was going to have a panic attack, I grabbed it and took a breath and counted to ten before continuing,

"She was crying and screaming and.... and she was so drunk she was shouting to the whole freaking world her secrets. She said that them knowing didn't matter anymore, I thought it was because her secret had finally come out to her mom but maybe she meant something else." I sniffled as tears came to my eyes, this was where it got hard. All memories synced with my words as I explained to the group,

"Jesse she clung to me when her mom dragged her away from me. I went home. It was 2am by then. I got a talking to from my parents, blah blah blah same usual shi- crud I get when I'm out past 11pm. But I couldn't get to sleep, something felt off that night. Then half hour maybe 45 minutes later Jesse texted me. Goodbye texts. Suicide texts. I called her, begged her to stop, even woke up my mom to get on the phone to Jesse's mom. She didn't get there in time. She didn't get there in fucking time." I growled the last bit as tears slipped out of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, I closed my eyes and counted to 20 this time then concluded,