Epiphany Coffee - YOONKOOK

XLVIII. Thankful.

Yoongi shot his eyes wide open. Chest squeezing, heat waves, laboured breath. Panic was taking over his whole body. He sat on the bed, pushing his back on the wall. He took a deep breath. He ran a hand on his wet hair, and he noticed how sweaty he was. He settled a hand on his chest, his heart was pounding hard in his chest. He bit his bottom lip to prevent himself from making any noise. He looked on his right. Jungkook was sound asleep. Yoongi closed his eyes, taking another deep breath. He needed to calm down. Everything was fine. He opened his eyes, and slowly moved his hand to Jungkooks hair. He caressed it delicately, making sure to not wake his boyfriend. Jungkook was working hard at uni. He needed to rest. Yoongi couldn't be selfish and wake him up because of his stupid panic attack. Why was he even panicking? He didn't have any real reason to panic. Sure, his work was stressing him out a lot. He had too many deadlines at once and he needed to work on too many songs at the same time. The girl group comeback had been enough to awaken his nervousness, but he also needed to work on new demos for a new artist in the company. He checked this artist's previous works and he liked it a lot. He wanted to work with him. He needed to be the best, to propose the best demos and to win this deal. It would be an amazing opportunity for Yoongi. Even though he knew he was good at his job, he was competing against the other producers of his company. They were all extremely talented. Yoongi wasn't sure that he could be better than them. That was why he worked as much as he could the day before. He really needed to finish the girls album to start working on the demos.

He was used to pressure and stress. He usually worked well under it. But he could also feel a bit overwhelmed. Or a lot. As if he was crushed by waves many times in a row. He closed his eyes another time when he felt a panic rush invading his chest, making his hands shake. He inhaled. 1,2,3,4,5. And exhaled. 6,7,8,9,10. He did that again and again, in the hope of stopping this attack. He frowned hard, his eyes still closed and his hand on Jungkook's hair. He was trying to calm down, using his boyfriends presence as an anchor. He wanted to fall asleep again with his lover in his arms. He just wanted to be normal. Why couldn't he be normal and handle stress like every other person? So many people were living under pressure. Yet, they weren't waking up in the middle of the night because of a panic attack. He felt so stupid and weak. He had so many panic attacks in his life before. But this one felt worse. Because Jungkook was next to him.

These past weeks, He felt better thanks to Jungkook. He could sleep properly next to him. His scent and presence was helping him relax. He hadn't slept that well for years. All thanks to Jeon Jungkook, his boyfriend. And here he was, shaking, having trouble breathing and hating himself. He just wanted to be reliable to Jungkook. The younger one knew what was a panic attack, he had one a week ago. He wouldn't judge Yoongi. But Yoongi had this stupid and stubborn mind. He had to protect Jungkook, not the other way around. It wasn't healthy for himself to have this thought. Still, he couldn't erase it.

When a third wave made his entire body shake, he took his hand away from Jungkook's hair. He couldn't control the shaking of his hand anymore and he was too afraid of waking him up. He felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He got out of the bed, of the room. He took the first clothes he found. He grabbed his camera and ran out of his apartment. He needed to get out, he needed to breathe far from his studio. And he needed to break down far from Jungkook.

He ran to his hideout, a place not far from his place where he could see the entire city. He used to go there when he felt overwhelmed. He didn't even check the time, he didnt even know how many times he stayed there. His hood on his head, he could finally feel cold hair filling his lungs. He felt a bit better now. His heart was still pounding but he felt less pressured. He was far from Jungkook and he wasn't scared to wake him up. He didn't feel pressure from Jungkook, far from that. He only needed to escape. He took a deep breath and immersed himself into taking pictures of the city.