Intertwined

Chapter 2

Today, we have a concert. That means meet and greet, being in front of thousands, dancing, and having to talk to the girls. I'd be lucky to make it even halfway through without passing out. I've been really dizzy and weak lately. I have to admit, I'm really scared. I can barely even go on my walks anymore. I'm always exhausted. I haven't eaten since who knows when. Probably close to two weeks without so much of a crumb in my stomach. I have only taken a few sips of water in only this week. My mouth is dry and I haven't spoken in a few days. I don't know how I'll manage to be able to perform for an hour and a half straight when I can't even speak. The last time I attempted to speak a few days ago, all that came out was a faint whisper. I don't know how I'll be able to pull this off.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Layla, one of the people on our hair and make-up team, said, "Lauren, it's your turn for hair and make-up. Come over here." It took me a moment to process what she just said. I nodded and slowly stood up. I regretted standing up the moment all my weight was put on my legs. The room was spinning but I still slowly walked over to her and got in the chair. "Lauren, you're so pale! You okay? Here, have some water." 

She handed me the water bottle and I put it on my lap because my hands were starting to shake violently. My hands have been doing that quite often now. I sat on my hands to prevent anyone from seeing how badly they were shaking. Layla saw that I wasn't drinking the water. "What's wrong?" She said. I shook my head. I heard her sigh and then say,"Sweetie, drink the water for me, please?"

If I said no again, I knew she would probably make a big deal out of it and bring attention towards me. I took my hands out from underneath me and grabbed the water off my lap. As soon as the water bottle was in my hands you could see the water splashing around in the bottle and my knuckles were white from gripping the water bottle so tightly to prevent it from falling. I heard Layla gasp. She ran in front of me and grabbed the water bottle from my shaking hands. "LAUREN! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY?!" I tried to stand up so that I could run to the bathroom and hide but as soon as I stood up everything started spinning and Layla's figure was starting to get blurry. My knees gave up and I collapsed to the ground. Everything went black after that.

~

I slowly open my eyes but close them quickly due to the bright lights. I attempt again and this time my eyes adjust to the light. I look around me to see that I'm in a hospital bed. There is a sleeping body next to me in a hopital chair with their hand tightly gripping onto my hand. I sit up and see that my arm has a needle in it, the needle is connected with a tube that is putting liquid into me. The person next to me starts to move around a bit before they lift their head to see if I'm awake. Camila.

She looks into my eyes and I see the tears start to appear in her big brown eyes. "I thought I'd lose you." She gets up and hugs me really tight and then sits down again. "Where is everyone?" I ask, my voice comes out as a whisper. 

"They all went down to get something to eat. We called your parents to let them know what happened." Camila replies.

"Why didn't you go down with everyone else?"

"I already ate before the concert and everyone else didn't. You know how they are. They say they might get sick on stage so they don't eat before the concert. But I do because I'm Camila." She says laughing as she said the last part.

"Oh. Okay. What happened though?"

I see her tears threatening to spill as she starts to tell me what happened. "Everyone was preparing for the concert and we heard Layla say 'LAUREN! WHAT'S HAPPENING?! OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY?!' so everyone looks to where you and Layla are and you are just standing up when you suddenly fainted. We called an ambulance and rescheduled the concert for another day. You were rushed here and put on an IV. The doctor said that you are severely dehydrated and are malnourished. And now we're here." 

I sat there in silence looking down at my lap. How am I supposed to come up with an excuse for this? I'm so stupid. Ugh I feel like a failure. Now they are pumping stuff into me and are gonna make me eat. I'm gonna get fat and everyone is gonna hate me. All my hard work will be thrown in the trash. 

I rip out the IV from my arm and stand up ready to run. When I look up, Camila has a shocked look on her face. I take off running down the hospital halls, not knowing where I'm going. I hear Camila behind me yelling for me to stop. Luck is on my side because I'm still in the clothes I had in the dressing room before I passed out. At least I have my sweater on. I hope no one saw my cuts. I only cut on my left arm and the IV was put in my right arm. 

I ran up what seemed like hundreds of stairs until I reached a door at the very top and no other doors were in that hall so I went though that door only to find myself on the roof of the hospital.

The light wind blew on my face and through my hair. I go sit by the edge, my feet dangling off the side of the building. I've been suicidal for a long time. Now I have the chance. But I can't do it. My mind keeps telling me about all the things I'm leaving behind and what affect it'll have on people. But then I realize no one cares about me.

I hear running footsteps behind me but don't turn around to see who it is because I already know. "Go away Camz" I whisper not being able to talk louder.

"Lauren..." She comes and sits next to me, "...are you okay? Look at me." I turn to her and am met with her worried eyes.

"I'm fine. I just needed fresh air." 

"So you ran out of the room like that for air?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Tell me the truth Lauren. I'm here for you. Trust me. I won't tell anyone." I look over to her once again. I see the truth in her eyes. I don't want to tell her but I give in. 

"I can't do this anymore." I see her eyes flood with tears as she realizes what I just said.

"Lauren, you CAN do this. I'm here for you. I will be here for you anytime you need me."

I smiled softly at her hoping that she would think this was a genuine smile.

"Laur, I know you're faking that smile. Please just talk to me."

At that moment, I remembered something I read a while back on twitter. 

And she finally gave up, dropped the fake smile as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered to herself "I can't do this anymore"

That is exactly what happened to me at that moment as I whispered again and again to myself "I can't do this anymore." I repeated it over and over. Camila was freaking out a little, not knowing what to do. She reached over and grabbed my waist, pulling me into her and giving me a hug just as uncontrollable sobs started to come out. 

"Shhh Laur, it'll be alright. Don't cry. I don't like to see you crying."

I calmed down after a while and Camila helped me up and grabbed me by my waist again to steady me as we walked over to the center of the rooftop. She sat down and motioned for me to sit down too. She pulled me down with her so that we were both laying down. I had my head on her chest and she rubbed my arm as we both looked up at the night sky that held millions of shining stars. 

"I hope one day I will be able to see your eyes filled with genuine happiness and shine as bright as the stars in the night sky." Camila whispered. I smiled when she said that. Soon enough, my eyes got heavy and I fell asleep in Camila's arms with a smile on my face...a real smile.