lyricist°l.jn [editing]

chapter twenty-five: wise? unwise?

  Thankfully, no pictures of Jeno and Jinkyong were taken and published the day the whole of NCT had a stage performance before so, no 'juicy' articles were made and their relationship still remains unknown to the public.

  But, not to NCT.

  After Jeno's entrance with his hand wrapped around Kyo's yesterday, the other NCT members who were left in the dark were struck with surprise and fortunately, the staffs that were present were all too busy to take notice of his arrival.

  "I'm sorry about Haein calling you saying I wasn't doing good. I'm all good, actually. Just tired so I went to the studio to rest," Jinkyong apologizes- watching Jeno's back as he cooks them up some ramen.

  Jeno listens wordlessly as he tears the seasoning packet.

  "How was the shooting that day, by the way?" She asks.

  Jeno turns and puts the cooked ramen on top of a large coaster between them and sitting facing her.
"It was okay."

  "'Okay?' Doesn't sound very convincing," she comments and scoops up noodles into her small bowl.
"Was it hard?"

  Jeno recalls back the day and the image of her and Haein hugging causes him heartache yet, once again.
"It was."

  Gulping down his food seems so much harder than usual.

  "Jeno."

  He looks up at her.

  "What's wrong? Do you not have appetite or you feel unwell?" The girl asks and his grip on his chopsticks tighten.

  He brings his gaze down to the table and a soft frown forms. "It's unfair..."

  Jinkyong furrows. "What is unfair?"

  "You can see what's wrong with me so easily when no one else can. But I know nothing about what you're feeling. It's frustrating," Jeno spills and she watches his expression that's shifting from stress to sadness then, back to the first.
"Is it my fault? Am I the blind one?"

  "Jenoㅡ"

  "Because, I can't understand what you're feeling, I can't comfort you and it's making me so frustrated!" His aggravation heightens and he leans against his chair- raking through his dark locks with his fingers.

  Kyo's hands that hide under the table clench upon seeing him in distress.
"Jeno, it's not your fault. The reason why you don't see anything is because I really am okay."

  "Don't lie to me," Jeno speaks softly yet, his tone is pressed and strained. "I saw you and Haein that day. I was there. If you really are okay then, why were you crying?"

  Her words get stuck in her throat and her lack of speech forces his words to escape even when he plans not to.

  "Seeing you cry was already so painful and the fact that you chose someone else"s arms just-" Jeno pauses at the pain in his throat. "Why not me?"

  Tears don't stream down his cheeks but his glossy eyes are pooled and red while his hands are clenched so tightly he might cut his palms with his nails.

  "I didn't want you to see me like that. I was scared to let you see me like that," she confesses- not wanting to hide anything more from him.

  She didn't want to. But, somehow, things just flow naturally that way without her realizing it.

  Like when one gets sad, they tend to just suddenly, disappear without word and come back later when they feel better, some prefer to stay quiet and lash out when bothered- feeling guilty about it later. Some rant, some cry, some share.

  But, what these people don't realize is that their actions tend to push people away or bring up built up frustration.

  And others tend to blame them for being too difficult. 'Why don't you ask for help?' 'It wasn't my fault you didn't say anything and went offline like that.' 'You would've told me if you really trusted me.'

  But what's overlooked is that these attitudes are sculpted by how one grows- their past experiences, their childhood, trauma. These attitudes are turned into somewhat, a 'shield' or 'coping mechanism.'

  Jinkyong stares at the glossy-eyed Jeno who stares at her with a turmoil of emotions.

  The first step is never to blame each other but to accept, understand.

  "I'm sorry, I'll tell you everything," Kyo says with a bittersweet smile- carrying a hint of fear on her face especially, at the chime of her phone.

  She looks at the lit up screen.

[father means business]:
Jinkyong
I expect those reports to be done soon
Having a broken laptop isn't an excuse

You have a computer to work on them with

  Her fist that is now resting on the table, tighten- suddenly, having a strong urge to cry when another's hand clasps around it at the sight of its tremble.

  She looks up to Jeno who gives a smile similar to hers, not entirely sweet, not entirely bitter but sincere and caring.

  But, sometimes, a risky step outside the bubble needs to be done to be able to achieve the goal.

  Jinkyong shuts off her screen and gulps down the invisible stone in her throat. "You're having holiday, right now. Aren't you?"

  Jeno nods and opens her clenched hand to lace their fingers together- preferring it like that.

  "Then, do you wanna go to my place, meet my family?" She offers and his eyes widen for a bit but after, he nods his head again with more determination this time.
"Let's choose a day."