if i can't have you || rini au

56. give up the fantasy

the brunette girl felt all eyes turn on her as she looked around in a slight panic and shock, suddenly being brought back to her senses as to what she had just done to bring attention to the two before she suddenly grabbed ahold of the person's hand and pulled him through a large door, entering the main hallway of the castle

"what are you doing here?" she questioned in a hushed whisper, looking at the curly-haired boy with wide eyes

ricky opened his mouth, closing it again as he repeated the movement a few times, speechless.

he felt his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her and cleared his throat, trying to regain himself and speak

"y-you-you look-" he exhaled nervously "wow."

nini felt an involuntary blush form on her face as she looked back at him, glancing down before back up into his eyes to finally see clearly how he had gotten himself changed into a tuxedo. one more formal than the one he'd worn at their winter formal months ago.

she felt her heart increase as she took a deep breath, shaking her head out of her thoughts and focusing back on the matter at hand

"ricky..." she said quietly "what are you doing here...?"

he fiddled with his fingers, not knowing how to reply to her question so all he said was "i-i came with erica."

"that's not an answer." she told him, shaking her head "why did you come here?"

when his eyes locked with hers, he suddenly felt a surge of bravery flow through him and he took another deep breath, exhaling deeply

"you know why nini," he replied quietly, taking a small step closer to her

nini felt her heart stop and her breath got caught in her throat as she shook her head "i-i can't do this."

she made her way down the hallway, further away from the crowded hall event that was happening as quick as she could but ricky ran after her as quick as he could

"nini!" he exclaimed pleadingly, rushing closer to her "nini stop!!"

he reached for her hand, the girl freezing in her tracks as she turned around at the feeling of his skin against hers

"y-you can't be here!" she spluttered, pulling her hand back with all the strength she had in her "we agreed that this has to be done. it's been a month...we knew of the limited time we had-you knew-"

"i know-"

"i'm going to be queen ricky!"

"i know!" he exclaimed again

"do you?" she questioned shakily "it's not all perfect royal fairytales where i can take chances and do what i want!! a-at least not anymore. i'm going to be queen! this is my life!"

"and i know that!" he replied frustrated

"then why are you-"

"because i'm in love with you!"

nini stared back at him, her eyes widening just slightly and her mouth falling open.

she felt her heart leap in her chest yet as fast as it did that, it dropped the the pit of her stomach in realization

"d-don't." she said in a hollow voice, her lips trembling as her eyes filled up with tears "we can't."

he reached for her hand "nini, look at me."

she shook her head as a tear fell from her eye, looking down at the ground and shuddering her breaths.

"you can't be in love with me ricky." she cried quietly "it can't-"

"it doesn't change the fact that i am." he told her, stepping closer "everything we did together, everything you told me about making you feel free and happy. that's how i feel with you! it's how you make me feel, nini-"

"ricky." she said desperately, looking at him as she felt more tears fall down her face "this," she gestures around them "this is all happening. it's not in our favor. this isn't a fairly tale, it's real!"

"so are we!" he exclaimed as he cupped her face but she shook her head and stepped back

"n-no, you have to let me go." she pleaded as more tears fell from her eyes

ricky felt his eyes sting as his heart sank "is that what you want?"

nini swallowed and let out a light, muffled cry, closing her eyes "it's how it's supposed-"

"stop thinking about what everyone else wants." ricky snapped suddenly, the girl opening her eyes in surprise at his tone and change in attitude

she felt his presence come closer to her as their faces were inches away and more tears welled up in her eyes as she gazed back at his brown ones.

"is that what you want?" he asked, his voice vulnerable and hollow "for me to let you go?"

nini whimpered, trying to control herself from crying too much. she definitely didn't want him to let go. she wanted to hold on to whatever she had left of him. she wanted him to hold her in his arms and be with him forever.

but it was all a fantasy. not a reality.

so the hardest thing she ever had to do was what she was going to do next, taking a step back away from him once again.

"y-yes." she choked out, tears glazing her eyes as he looked at her with his face fallen "you have to go."

his heart sank and his grip on her hand weakened. he felt his whole world crash at the sound of those words coming from her...it was so out of place for how she was or how he thought she felt for him...but he couldn't be surprised. deep down, a part of him knew that this was how it was supposed to be. he doesn't even know why he got his hopes up in the first place.

the two stood, staring at each other with heartbreak evident in their faces, silence consuming every particle of air they breathed from the dark, saddened atmosphere.

ricky's gaze finally moved to benjamin who stood a few meters behind her before he took a deep breath.

"i've gotta go," he whispered, walking past her

nini closed her eyes as she felt more tears fall before sniffling until she heard benjamin speak up behind her

"sir, you shall bow and address the princess in a proper manner; 'your highness'" he told the boy with a firm look after realizing how much she'd been crying.

nini shuddered a breath as she wiped her tears away and turned around just a bit "benjamin-th-that won't be necessary-"

"no, it's fine." ricky said, clenching his jaw and turning around to look at her before he bowed slightly "your highness."

she looked down at the floor before back up as she saw him stand upright, giving her one more glance until he turned away and walked off, every step becoming heavier than the last.

when he was out of sight, nini forced herself to push her tears, sadness and pain away. she didn't not love him. but they couldn't be together. she couldn't expect him to take on all the pressure it comes with her life and she didn't want to get in the way of his happiness. his true happiness.

she turned back around and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths as she wiped her tears once more carefully.

"do you need a moment, miss nina?" benjamin asked in a more calm, soothing voice.

but nini quickly shook her head "no." she answered, turning back around "i'm alright. thank you. people are waiting."