Book Exchange Romance | A Kim Namjoon FanFic

Chapter 33 - Namjoon

He tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Looking at the ceiling her words kept replying in his mind.

"I'm not breaking up with you. I need time to gather my thoughts. To figure out how to deal with this." It's what she said. But why did it feel like a breakup to him? She hesitated. She wasn't sure. He passed a hand of frustration through his face. It was unfair of him to put so much pressure on her. To put this pressure on her. He sat down on the couch. He should give her the time she was asking for. However, as much as he was upset, he couldn't sleep. He decided it was best he moved back to the bed. At least on the bed, he could hold her, even if it was for the last time. He picked everything up and made his way to the room. Ana was sound asleep hugging his pillow. He walked to the bed and kissed her head as delicate as possible so she wouldn't wake up. He walked to the closet and dropped the pillow and blanket.

"Namjoon..." He heard her say. He walked to the room. "Namjoon..." She said, her voice breaking. He walked to the bed, but she had her eyes closed. "No, no, no. Please no. Namjoon please answer me." She said tossing. She was having a nightmare.

"Ana...Ana..." He began shaking her awake. "Ana..." He said again, this time shacking her more strongly. She opened her eyes and looked at Namjoon, she had mixture of desperation and sadness on her face. She passed an anxious hand through his face and threw herself into his arms.

"You're okay, you're alive." She said, breaking down.

"I'm right here baby." He said in a comforting way. She was shaking. "I'm here. I'm here." He repeated reassuringly. He felt her calm down but she didn't let go of him. After a couple of minutes, he felt her grip loosen. "I'm here." He said in whisper. "Let's go to the kitchen and make some tea." He said, loosening his grip to look at her. She was a mess. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks teared-stained, and yet, she still looked beautiful to him. He kissed her forehead, grabbed the throw blanket at the foot of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Let's go." He said standing up and grabbing her hand. He walked with her to the kitchen, lifting her to sit on the counter. He went around looking for the kettle but couldn't find it.

"At the bottom." Ana said, knowing where it was. He filled it up with water and put it on the stove, waiting for it to warm up. He gathered the cups and two tea bags of chamomile tea. When the kettle started to make noise, he took it out and put some water on the cups. Handing her, hers. "Thanks." She said taking a sip. He caressed her head, landing on her cheek. She leaned her head into his hand, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.

"What was the nightmare about?" He asked her. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I...I dreamt that you died...on a car accident." She said. "I don't want to talk about it." She said.

"Okay." He said. He took a sip from his tea.

"I don't wanna lose you." She said in a whisper, looking down at her cup. "Namjoon, I don't wanna lose you. The nightmare felt so real." She said, her voice breaking. She wiped a tear from her cheek. "I don't want to know what it feels like to not have you." She said, looking at him. She looked heartbroken, tired. "I don't want to lose the love of my life." She said. She put her cup down. She wiped her face. "I love you Namjoon, I do. With all my heart." She said. Namjoon set his cup down.

"Look at me." He said. She looked at him. "You are not going to lose me. Ever. You will always have me. No matter what, I will always be there for you." He said.

"I know. Which is why I don't know why I hesitated. I know the answer is always going to be yes." She said looking down. "I will always say yes to you." She said.

"Baby this is a lot. The exposure, the article, your life, and name been published out there without your consent. It's a lot of pressure for you." He said. "I was unfair on how I treated you earlier. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said." He said. "I was upset. I was overthinking. I wasn't thinking straight. You asked for a very reasonable thing to do, but my distress made me not think straight. I'm sorry." He apologized. She leaned her forehead on his.