TW: Suicide, discussions of SH/S3lf h@rm
☹︎Kokichi's POV☺︎︎
Knock knock knock
I quickly woke up panicked, after being waken up by a knocking at the door.
I looked up at Shuichi who was twirling his fingers through my hair.
"I think Kirumi's here.."
I nodded and got off of Shuichi. He got up and walked to the door, letting Kirumi inside.
"Hello Ouma.."
She said as she bowed and walked towards me.
"Are you doing well?"
"Kind of..."
"How come?"
I stayed silent and looked out of the window.
"Saihara told me about how Kaede and him found you, I was quite worried, is there anything that you need help with?"
"Can you help me with the bandages...?.. heh-...."
I wouldn't bother hiding it from her, she already has seen them and knows all about it, of course.. not about me having the... box, but about me hurting myself.. of course I'm not proud of it, I'm just ashamed of it, I wouldn't have asked her if she didn't already know..
"Of course.."
She grabbed bandages and hydrogen peroxide to help with the cuts.
"Here.."
Shuichi sat next to me and held my hand as Kirumi held the stuff.
I hadnt even realized that I was zoned out looking at the wall.
I looked at Kirumi nervously.
"Please take off your sweater."
She said with a compassionate tone of voice.
I looked at Shuichi, he stayed silent and rubbed the palm of my hand with his thumb to calm me down.
I nodded slowly and looked back at Kirumi.
I let go of Shuichi's hands and slowly slipped off Shuichi's hoodie, revealing sloppy bandages dyed pink with blood.
"Oh dear.."
She reached over and slowly undid the bandages. They fell onto the bed, leaving Kirumi to see my cuts.
I was uncomfortable as I looked away and started feeling my eyes filling up with tears.
I wiped my face with my hand and kept avoiding eye contact with Kirumi.
"Oh Kokichi... is there any more..?"
I nodded.
"Stop it- Stop pitying me... I don't need help- I'm fine by myself I've never needed anyone's help before and I don't need help now.. and I know what you're thinking!! Stop pitying me... Just get this over with..."
Kirumi looked at me even more concerned than before.
"Okay..... well where are the other cuts..?"
"Don't bandage those..."
"How come?"
"Just don't.."
"Tell me why please."
"No. Just leave it, I'm not gonna let you bandage them..."
Kirumi stayed silent and nodded.
She grabbed my arm gently and delicately wrapped the bandages around my arms.
Shuichi grabbed my hand and held it.
When she was done I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
"If you don't let me clean the other ones they will get infected.."
"I don't care."
"Please?"
"No! Just stop! Don't touch me..."
"Kokichi- sorry..."
"Just don't..."
I shook my head and hugged my knees.
Shuichi sat there looking at me, he looked worried or sad.
"Kokichi..."
"No. Stop.. I don't want your pity.... don't touch me.. just don't... just l-leave me alone...."
"I-I think I've caused enough trouble.. I'm sorry Kokichi, I'll leave."
Kirumi stood up and walked to the door.
I stayed silent and cried into my knees.
"I-I could leave too if you'd like..."
"J-Just go away... please..."
I whispered.
Shuichi stayed silent and walked to the door.
Shuichi left and I layed down on my bed and cried loudly.
"I-I-I-I'm sorry!- I'm sorry!! I'm so so so sorry!..."
I sat up and grabbed my phone.
I opened messenger and went to Shuichi's contact.
Me:
im sorry please forgive me.. i may not see you again so ive decided to apologize, i just cant deal with any of this anymore please dont be sad i want you to keep living, even if its hard i want you to keep living for me.. promise? Thats kinda hypocritical of me but i dont care.. ill see you later my beloved, please keep strong for me. i love you, i wish i couldve been strong enough to keep going, but please know that I love you and nothing will change that, you made it worth living... I love you darling :)
᪥im sad while writing ths᪥
