TW: SELF HATE / SELF HARM
☹︎Kokichi's POV☺︎︎
I stayed alone in the chair for awhile as I watched everyone go in and out of the pool.
Its my fault I can't do anything like this, why am I even sad?
I felt myself tear up but I quickly wiped them away with my arm.
I looked over at Kaito and Kaede who were seemingly arguing.
I seen Kaito point at me as he yelled something inaudible to Kaede.
I ignored it and looked around, trying to spot Shuichi.
I gave up after a few minutes and stood up. I walked around the pool for awhile before seeing Shuichi sitting down at the side of the pool. I walked towards him and sat down next to him.
"Oh hey Kokichi!"
Shuichi said cheerfully.
I waved slowly before putting my hand back down, my smile fading into a frown as I looked at the water.
"Hey are you upset because you can't go in the water?"
I nodded and stuck my feet in the water.
"My makeup will come off and I would have to take off my bandana-.. I didn't cover my neck with makeup."
Shuichi nodded and hugged me.
"Well its your choice, I don't think anyone would notice-.."
I frowned and looked at the wall.
"W-wait that sounded bad-! Sorry I didn't mean for that to sound bad- sorry!!"
"Its fine, I don't care."
I said, almost inaudible.
I put my legs further into the water and started slightly kicking my legs so the water started splashing a little bit.
I remembered me playing with my little sister in the pool when I was about ten, Its actually kinda funny.. I loved her so mutch and yet now, I don't even remember her name.. last time I seen her I was.. twelve I think? When I ran away. I feel bad for leaving her with dad but I couldn't take her with me, I would probably get arrested for kidnapping or some shit.
She would want me to not care about them right? I miss her.. Oh fuck it I'm going in the water.
I smiled and looked up at Shuichi.
"I wanna go in the water.. I think.."
I said slowly.
"Are you sure?"
Shuichi asked, unsure, in which I responded to with a nod.
I slowly dropped myself down into the pool, not bothering to take off my bandana.
I lifted my arms above the water as I felt the water press against the scars on my chest and stomach, leaving a burning sensation that I hardly even felt.
I grabbed onto Shuichi's hand and pulled him into the water, making sure not to let any water touch my arms.
The first time in awhile I felt this happy.. haha-
I hugged Shuichi tightly and laughed.
"Thank you"
I said as I grabbed both of Shuichi's hands and smiled, not a fake smile, not my eerie smile, a real, genuine smile.
I let go of his hands and leaned against the wall of the pool.
Kirumi was talking to Gonta, Miu was talking to Kaito, Kaede was talking to Maki, and I was in the corner of the pool with Shuichi.
After a little bit I sat at the edge of a pool with a towel wrapped around me.
Kirumi suggested I take my shirt off so it can dry and I don't stay wet, but I denied.
Shuichi was now talking to Kaede over by the other side of the pool.
I sat there for awhile, just kicking my feet back and forth in the water, making small splashes.
I looked up and turned my head, looking around.
I felt a pair of hands press against my back, before I could do anything I got pushed into the water, I grabbed and reached for the ledge as I gasped for air. When I made it back up I realized my makeup was coming off.
I stared up at Maki as I shook my hair, shaking the water everywhere, like how a dog would dry themself off.
"Well shit."
I muttered as I pushed past Maki who was laughing quietly.
I bumped into her shoulder, making my towel come off of my shoulders and land on the ground, revealing my arms.
"Well fuck you too Maki!"
I said cheerfully when really I wanted to just break down and cry. I bent over and picked up my towel, to cover my arms.
"Just fucking die already.."
Maki said to me, under her breath.
Well ouch.
I looked around to see Shuichi walking towards us, seemingly angry.
"Well see ya later blood clot!"
I yelled to Maki while running out of the pool room.
Shuichi please don't come over here.
I ran up the stairs, I heard footsteps approaching from the hallway behind me, so instinctively I ran faster until I reached my dorm.
I locked the door and slid down the door, making a 'thud' noise as I hit the ground.
I cried into my knees as I bit down on my arm to muffle my sobs. I hit myself in the head repeatedly as I cried even harder at each punch. I ripped at my hair as I yelled hateful things towards myself, all being muffled and unrecognisable as actual words, from me biting my arm as hard as I could until I drew blood.
᪥sooo- sorry this took awhile!!"
