☹︎Kokichi's POV☺︎︎
"But it.. it has been my fault..! I-I everyone w-would be happier if I-"
I cut myself off and looked at the roof.
"No! I-I know what you were gonna say! Nobody would be happier if you died!.."
Shuichi said as he let go of my hand and pulled my chin up to look at him.
"Wow you're a bad liar."
I said before hanging my head low again.
"I'm not lying.."
"Yes you are."
I smiled, it most definitely looked forced.
"No I'm not! Just trust me! Why can't you just..?!-"
I flinched and quickly looked back up at Shuichi.
"I-I'm sorry- I'm sorry.. sorry... sorry sorry.. sorry.. sorry sorry sorry sorry.... sorry!"
I held back tears as I looked up at Shuichi, still somehow scared of him yelling.
"No, don't be sorry. I'm sorry, I'll go away."
Shuichi hung his head low and walked over to the couch. He sat down next to Kaede, Maki, and Kaito.
Huh? Wha.. what did I do wrong? Did I do something wrong? What did I do? Does he not like me? Why doesn't he like me anymore? Does he not care about me anymore? Did I make him hate me? Why did he leave? Why did he yell? Why did I make him mad? Is there something wrong with me? There must be! I'm hideous, I know I most definitely am not fat, but when I look at myself I feel disgusting, I make myself think I'm fat when I'm not. I'm hungry and my body hurts... I fucking smoke at seventeen and I cant even sleep without having nightmares about everyone dying! that isn't normal right? Its not normal to feel like that, theres something wrong with me! I should just die.
They all think I hate them, I don't, I care about all of them.. fuck this act, I hate keeping it up but I need to, for my safety. Is Shuichi gonna leave? Should I leave? What if they hurt me? They're gonna hurt me..
I smiled and marched happily out of Kaede's dorm, not being noticed by anyone, that hurt. I walked to my own dorm and slammed the door behind me, making sure to lock it.
Well nothing really matters now does it? If he hates me, the only person that cared, does it really matter anymore? If I stabbed myself would they care, or notice that I'm gone? What if they blame themselves? Isn't that selfish of me? But would they really care? What if I jumped off the building? What if I overdosed? No, that didn't work.
Theres nothing to live for anyways, no family, everyone hates me, I can't keep living for myself. I don't want to...
I stood in the middle of my room sobbing. I ran to my bathroom and grabbed my knife, I sat down on my bed. I took off Shuichi's sweater and tossed it onto my chair, I the tip of the blade over my shoulder and down to my elbow. I took off my shirt and brought the blade to my chest as the hot pink liquid poured down my body and onto my white mattress. I slowly pressed the blade against my stomach, just enough to puncture the skin, I took a deep breath as drops of blood dripped down my body.
KNOCK KNOCK
I flinched and dropped the knife onto the ground, making a small metallic bang, like when you drop a fork.
"WH-WHAT IS IT?!"
I yelled, my voice sounding strained and weak.
"Maki and Shuichi.."
Shuichi responded quietly.
"LEAVE ME ALONE..!"
I yelled as I jumped down from my bed and picked up the knife.
"No! We are worried about you!"
"Bullshit!"
"Huh?! But we aren't lying!"
I slipped my own black hoodie over my body and kicked my knife under my bed. I walked to the door and opened it a crack.
"Go away."
I was about to shut the door but Maki stopped it with her foot.
I flinched and moved backwards as I started trembling.
"I-I said leave me alone.."
I said quietly.
I fell backwards onto the floor making me whine in pain.
I looked up at Maki, Shuichi was standing nervously in the doorframe.
"Where is it?"
"Where is what....?"
I questioned quietly.
"I heard a knife drop, where did you put it Kokichi?"
"You must not h-have heard correctly then!"
"I did hear right, now tell me where it is."
I shook my head as I slowly averted my gaze to underneath my bed.
Maki followed my gaze and reached under the bed, to pull out a bloody knife. I sat there paralyzed.
"Kokichi.. why does it have blood on it?"
Maki asked suspiciously.
"Why do you care?!"
I asked defensively.
"Kokichi take off your sweater!"
Maki demanded, I looked at Shuichi for assistance, all he did was walk towards us and look at Maki, he had a guilty and concerned look on his face.
"Sh..Shuichi....?"
I said quietly.
"Take off your sweater now."
Maki repeated.
"No you can't ma-!"
I was cut off by the sleeves of my sweater being pushed down.
I opened my eyes in fear and audibly whimpered.
"Let- Let go of me!"
I yelled. I looked up at Maki who was looking down at me with a stunned look.
"Fine, then don't let me help you, you don't deserve it."
I watched her walk out of my room with her hands on her hips.
I looked to Shuichi who was fidgeting with his fingers and looking down.
"Why didn't you help...?"
"I'm sorry..."
"Fuck you Shuichi, You didn't help when she was FORCEFULLY pulling down my sleeves. So fuck you!"
I cried.
"I.. I wanted you to be okay... I wanted.. I wanted to help you...!"
He whispered.
"Pretty shitty way of helping, get out."
"No just wait..!"
"No."
"Please..? I just wanna talk to you.."
I sighed and sat up on my bed, I hesitantly let Shuichi sit next to me.
"I'm sorry for yelling I wont do it again, I know what you were trying to do with the knife, I was trying to help, I promise..!"
"Fuck your promises.. you realized how bad you screwed up?"
"Yes.. and I wanna make it better..."
"I don't care...."
