After sex cigarettes // dreamwastaken

XXIII

"what time is it?"
"It's like 12:30"
"Oh my gosh, it's not even late how long were we out?"
"Like 3 hours" I pick up the phone
"Hiya, room 159 again, could I order a few more drinks please" I brows through the menu "3 more beers, yeah any kind, I'll have 2 long islands and I know this is weird but a bottle of vodka please" silence until a small knock is too be heard
"Thank you" Clay goes to door, "I think you need to stop drinking"
"We're on vacation! Have some fun" I shove him "are you feeling better?"
"Shit Tons" i don't know why he keeps swearing
"Listen, i know it's a lot to take on but I'm here, we use to be so close. I can talk to you, you can talk to me. Come on have a drink, we can watch a movie, ooooo, ooooh let's watch after life" I sort of shove the beer into his hand "drink, let's play a game, whoever drinks the most buys breakfast" he takes a long sip
"I'll loose but I'll still buy"

We manage to get through the first maybe second episode before I pause it.
"Let's play a game. Not the end game. Okay let's play where we guess a song and each time we get it wrong we have a sip" he pulls out his phone and plays a song and we do so for the next 15 minutes.

"Are you ready?" He asks
"For what?"
"The game" he gets the bottle of vodka from the ice and walks into the bathroom and grabs the little plastic cups. He sets them out on the top of his laptop. I really don't want to do this, just because I don't want to outcome.

"Do you want to start?" I shake my head "okay then," he drinks the horrible liquid "have you been with anyone since me" I shake my head
"What's your favourite colour?" He rolls his eyes
"Blue or grey" I drink the vodka
"Do you miss me?" I nod
"What porn do you watch?" I drink
"You, but seriously mostly solo" he thinks "do you think about me when you're all alone, at night" I take a deep gulp. I shake my head "nope you're lying! Drink!" Wordlessly I down the shot, and then a second since it's my turn
"Do you think about me all alone,at night" I ask him his own questions
"You're all I ever think about" I feel myself shrink, I'm embarrassed, I feel awful, mostly I feel relieved
"Do you wish we were still together" I chew my lip at his question
"I miss our friendship, I miss how we could talk about nothing and everything. It's all changed now"
"It dosent have to change though".
"It does. You deserve someone who is good enough. Who can make you happy"
"I had all that though"
"You don't know anything Clay, we we're together what? A month?"
"A month and what?" He finishes his beer "so you can look me dead in the eyes and tell me you don't love me then" he levels his head to mine
"I don't have to prove anything" his head zips away "clay, it's not a fact of if I love you, it's wether I deserve you"
"I have nothing to say to you" he storms towards me and takes my head in hands
"all I want is you, you can tell me you hate me and slap me around but I will never not want you!" Our foreheads are touching "I just need you to tell me what I can do to change your mind. I don't ever think I will find another you" this is all a lot and this emotional of overwhelming confusion and the alcohol makes me start crying, It's not a few tear, it's never ending.
"No no no." He kisses each tear "just tell me what I've done wrong" Through shaky breaths I manage to say
"It's not you. I just won't ever be enough. It just hurts me so much more that you're mum had to tell you. I was hoping you wouldn't notice. EVER!" He's still crouching in front of me rubbing my cheeks "I want to be your mum. Well not actually her. You're dads hot but still. You and your dad are so similar so I wanted to be her but with you. Have little babies running around." I can barley let out a full breath without spluttering everywhere.
"I hate to say this, but, you'd be a milf" I laugh "my mom is so stupid, I would never speak to her if you asked me to"
"No clay I'm not saying that, I just want her to like me, I want you to like me, I want you two to be mother and son again, it's all my fault"
"It's not your fault! Please listen to me now, just this once. Im only here for you. My mom has been wearing me down for months, our argument has nothing to do with you well, a little bit, but she and I both know we have our issues. Im glad you gave me the courage to do so. You make me a stronger person. A better person" all that he's telling me is getting very overwhelming like ridiculously
"Can we just sleep please, I need to think."
"Yeah I just need a walk first" I look down at my phone and it reads 1:45am, I hear the door click and I turn over on my front and literally pass out in a matter of seconds.

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Posted 19/11/21
              19:33