His Quiet And Used Luna

46

trigger warning: self harm, suicidal thoughts

*Ami*

I can see something is up with mom. It was all confirmed when she told uncle Matthew that she and dad had a fight. She doesn't know that I taught myself Spanish and have known what she talks about with him for a few years. I wonder if she will ever let me know what is going on. She can be closed off, but usually any problem someone has; or if they need to talk to someone they come to me. Especially Audrey. 

"Ami, as the oldest you will have your own room while we are here. Aislinn and Audrey will be paired up, and Avery and Adrian will be together." Mom says. We all nod.

They point out the rooms and we all go unpack. Apparently mom will stay here for two weeks or if dad gets his anger sorted out we may leave sooner or later than then. Right as I finish unpacking mom walks in. 

"Hey kiddo." I smile. 

"Hey mom." She gives me a sad smile. 

"What's up?" She looks away and towards my window. 

"Your dad and I got into a fight. He said a lot of hurtful things, and I needed to leave for a bit. I don't want you kids facing him when he is angry."

I let out a little sigh. "Mom, have you seen how stressed he has been? He was planning two things out at once. He had to get ready for the twins second birthday, and Audrey's is a week after theirs. He had to make a way where they would all feel special. He was working really hard to make sure they all had something that was perfect for them. He also had to focus on his Alpha duties. He had to keep track of prisoners and rogues as well as watch over pack training and the orphaned pups. All of that is his burden momma."

She looks at me with wide eyes. "How did you notice all of that?" 

I shrug. "I pay attention to all details. It has been what I did since the day you thought I died. I deemed it my only way of survival. I love you dearly mom, but your attentiveness is lacking." She just smiles and hugs me. 

"How has Audrey been?" She asks. 

"There have been a few bullies, but she has learned to stick up for herself a little more. She still depends on me but she is getting better. Aislinn needs you though. She's been having nightmares of the day she was taken and hurt."

She nods and walks out. I let out a sigh and close my eyes. No one ever asks how I am. They say they are worried and then after a week they forget about me again. Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings, but I feel like I'm just a shadow who is only sought out when someone else needs something. No one has asked why my mates have been gone so long...

*Flashback*

"Ami! We need to talk." Dawn calls. 

"In here!" I called back. She and Dean walk into the room together and they both look vexed. 

"Look, it is getting really tiring trying to watch over you all the time. You are no longer a baby! Grow up and learn how to take care of yourself. We are not doing this anymore. So with that being said, I Dawn (forgot the last name.) Diego reject you Ami Black as my mate." She says the words that breaks half my heart. 

"I Dean Diego reject you Ami Black as my mate." With that the only two who would ever make me happy walk out and leave me crumbling all alone.

*End*

No one had noticed my mentality collapsing. Nor anyone had noticed the long sleeves that cover numerous scars. 

No one noticed that I was only a breath away from ending it all. 

Some people think that suicide is an actual of cowardice or wanting attention, but in reality it and escape from all the pain one feels. It is a way out, and I am a second away from taking that route. Everyone's ignorance has proved time and time again that I am alone, truly alone. With no one who cares enough to check and see if I'm OK.

I know it sounds selfish, wanting people to notice me when I know I am worthless, and when I know I deserve all the pain I feel. But I cant help but wish for my mom to show me the love she shows the others. Before I speak too deep down into my thoughts I grabbed my blade and head to the bathroom. 

I cut on my arms. Each cut a different word. 

Worthless. 

Stupid. 

Alone. 

Hated. 

Used. 

Scum. 

On and on the list goes. I want to tell people how much pain I am in, but then I am just attention seeking. I know cutting is unhealthy, but it's my only way to ground myself.

When I finish I clean the blood from my arms and bandage them. It stings, but it was worth it. I put on my oversized hoodie to hide the bandages before heading back out into my room. I hide my blade and sit on the bed with my head in my hands. I am such a screw up. I only get in everyone's way. I'm annoying. A knock on the door brings me from my thoughts.

I put my fake smile on. "Come in." 

Uncle Matthew walks in and sits on the bed. "Your mom and siblings went to the park." He says and I nod. He sits there in silence for a few moments before speaking. 

"I can see the pain in your eyes. I can tell you are hurting. I know you feel like no one cares and that you are worthless. I know if I push the sleeves of your hoodie up I will either see scars or bandages."

I look at him with a blank face. 

"I know no one else notices. Your mom is focused on all the others who don't even hide their pain. Ami, I need you to know I am here. I care, and if you need you can stay here with me until you feel loved again. I know what happened with your mates. I saw them yesterday laughing about you. I won't go into details, but I want you to know that matter the amount of people that won't be there for you, I always will."

Those words are all it takes for me to let my walls down and cry. 

I cry for losing my mates. 

I cry for having a mother who doesn't notice me. 

I cry because I am weak. 

But instead of being alone I have an uncle who is here for me. I wrap my arms around him and cry I to his chest. He rubs my back soothingly and whispers quietly to me. 

"No matter how alone you feel, there will always be hope and happiness around me. Don't hide your true self when it is just me around. I want to help you kid."

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A little longer chapter for the wait. I hope you enjoyed.