Garden of Wounds (Panacea Series #1)

Chapter 39

Thirty-nine.

As the moon and stars light up the cold and gloomy night sky, I felt Zavion's hand on my skin, touching every bit of it. His amber-colored eyes are directed to me and I can't even blink my eyes because I don't have the guts to move my body. Parang nawawala ako sa katinuan dahil sa tinging iginagawad niya sa akin. Halos malagutan ako ng hininga dahil sa lapit naming dalawa.

Why does everything feel so heavy?

Ang bigat. Parang may nakadagan na bagay sa aking dibdib. Parang ang sakit. Parang itong sitwasyon na 'to ang nagpapamukha sa akin na mas'yado kong nami-miss si Zavion... ngunit bawal na, dahil marami na ang nangyari... at hindi na kami tulad ng noon.

"Z-zavion..." I stammered. "What are you thinking?"

His brow arched. He licked his lips and caressed my hand.

Nakahinto ang kan'yang kotse malapit sa mansion nina Margarette. We are already here but no one had the courage to come out because we both knew we have something to talk about.

"B-bakit hindi ako?" Nanghihina niyang tanong. "Bakit, Elvira? Mahal na mahal naman kita! Kaya bakit hindi ako 'yong pinili mo noon?" His voice broke.

I gasped. "W-what are you saying?!" Bahagyang tumaas ang aking boses.

"Please, don't make this hard for me, Zavion. Let's be casual. It's been years. Maayos kong sinabing tapos na tayo noon at may dalawa na akong anak ngayon..."

"Bullshit!" I gasped at his sudden outburst. Malakas niyang hinampas ang manibela sa sobrang inis. "That's it! Ayan 'yong dahilan kung bakit hindi na naman ako matahimik! Hindi ko kayang tanggapin na dalawa ang anak ninyo ni Ambrielle! I should be in his position! I should be the father of your children! Ako dapat 'yong sumasalubong sa 'yo kapag galing ka sa trabaho! Ako dapat ang nag-aalaga sa inyo! Ako dapat ang lahat ng 'yon, Elvira!"

"Hindi naman mahirap maghanap ng iba..." I averted my gaze. Parang may bumara sa aking lalamunan nang sabihin ko 'yon.

"Mahirap... dahil ikaw ang papalitan," napalayo siya sa akin. "Hindi ko kayang maghanap dahil walang papantay sa 'yo."

Nakagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot sa kan'yang sinabi. Umiwas na lamang ako ng tingin at tinanaw ang buhay na buhay na mansion nina Margarette dahil sa dami ng ilaw at sa lakas ng tugtog na abot hanggang dito.

"Gustong-gusto kitang anakan, Elvira, kung alam mo lang," pumungay ang kan'yang mga mata. "Ngunit sa iba ka nagpaanak," he added bitterly.

What the fuck...

Bahagyang umawang ang aking labi at uminit ang aking pisngi. I was caught off-guard. Gustong-gusto niya talaga idiin na sa iba ako nagpaanak!

That night, it was so awkward to even look straight into his eyes. The moment we stepped in Margarette's mansion, a lot of people greeted us, most especially Zavion. He was busy approaching those people who want to talk with him, however that didn't stop him to look after me. Kasabay rin noong gabing 'yon ang pag-aayos namin ni Margarette. We had a talk about our pasts and she asked for my forgiveness.

I've forgiven her for a long time... but it still feels really good when someone formally apologizes to you. You know that they are sincere because they came personally and ask for your forgiveness. Everything is now falling into its right places. My best friend, Margarette, is now my friend again. We are okay now and I don't have to worry much from now on.

Before, I needed to cry to sleep. Those negatives thoughts won't let me sleep at night. Ang dami kong gustong ayusin ngunit hindi ko 'yon kontrol. Ang dami kong gustong solusyonan ngunit natatakot ako sa mga maaaring mangyari. Ngayon... hindi ko na alam kung paano nangyayari lahat, ngunit natatamo ko na muli ang kaayusan, katahimikan, at kapayapaan sa aking buhay.