𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 || 𝐦.𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭

𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 9

Love was an extremely odd and beautiful occurrence. It symbolises an unique intimacy between two people. It is a rollercoaster of a ride. Lucky people get the best bits; the enjoyable, indescribable feeling that someone else gives you that brings you nothing but joy. Some people get the darker side. The hidden and masked dangers of falling in love. The toxic bonds that form, webs of lies that are hard to unravel and a continuous feeling of pain that you're in love. You just had to take a risk and hope that Cupid would be on your side.

It was very cold. It was a sharp, bitter wind that nipped at every part of my bare skin making me shiver. It was also very dark. A low blanket of impenetrable darkness hung low over the air. It was very wet and I was soaked. My clothes were hanging onto my body feeling heavy and a load to hold.

I loved this place. It was a run- down recording studio. It was so perfect in its own weird, twisted way. We had discovered this place. Together. I remember it so well. We were so in love with each other it hurt. The moments we spent here were my favourite. I don't know what had made made me get into my car and drive back to here. It was like a magnetic force pulling and edging me forward. It added a load to my grieving process; it made it a lot harder.

The endless car journeys to nowhere were what brought me comfort. The sound of rain, the wet leaves sticking to everything, the cold breeze in which the trees waved the cars passing by.

The endless coffee runs to source caffeine, the need for a whole new wardrobe and binge-watching Gilmore Girls. Autumn was something that made me happy. And for now it brought me small pockets of comfort and joy.

I didn't know what to do with myself. My emotions were all over the place and I was a mental mess. The weight of all my misery piling up on me was sometimes too hard to handle.

He did try to call me. But not as much as I thought. I was internally begging for him to come back but maybe he never loved me that way. God I was foolish and naïve.

I had answered his call once. His voice made me want to sob relentlessly. I ended the call knowing I couldn't stand to listen to his apology.

I had been shut up in my apartment for about 10 days. I physically found it suffocating to be around other people, to be social, to act like everything was ok with me. It really wasn't. The whole world practically knew about my breakup and it made it so much harder. People would label me as Phil Foden's ex. I would never hear the end of it.

My doorbell had been going off constantly,  my door being knocked relentlessly everyday. I hadn't opened that door in ages to the people I knew, I couldn't bare to face the utter embarrassment of them seeming me be so in love with someone and they ripped me to shreds.

It was so hard to try to get over him. He really was like a drug, something and someone so impossible to try to get off your mind.

@tanithauclair

ever thought of calling when you've had a few? cause i always do

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@tanithauclair

all i wanted was you

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@tanithauclair