Married to the Bad Boy

51

It literally feels like it's been a week or two since I updated...but its been months. Like where is the time going guys?? I'm sorry I'm so slow it just felt like I was too busy for a few days which really is weeks which is months...adulting sucks

Don't grow up, go to uni and go work 9-5 which is really 6 am to 6 pm cause commute time should count

as you can tell

i'm loving my adult life

I started writing when i was 11 and im almost 30 now like what the fuck ?!?!??!?! and i'm still updating the same old stories oops. I PAWMISE to get better - i also own a small aussie dog business so i am constantly grinding and i think i found a routine that works. 

When I was younger I always thought as you grow up, love will make you happy. That someone was going to come and sweep me off my feet and love every single part of me and I would love someone just as fully.

But in reality, that wasn't love. What is love?

I still don't know what love was, or is. 

Someone definitely didn't come sweep me off my feet, my feet were planted in wedges I really didn't want to wear but they were the only colour to match my outfit. They were sturdy and on the ground, where I was stable.

Perhaps love was stable, it made you feel stable. Maybe being swept off your feet wasn't a good thing, as much as it felt like it was. They made it seem like someone was going to bring you flowers every day, shower you in love, be around for your every need and want. Yet in reality, all you need was someone stable to be there for when you needed them.

Every moment didn't need to feel like it was from a movie, or a fairytale, I wouldn't know because I didn't watch many fairytales growing up. So maybe that's why when they asked me if I was in love, I had no idea what to say. So I said nothing.

The flash of the camera brought me back to attention, it was a question upon many that were being screamed at us as we stood here. Yet neither Sterling or I knew who it was directed to, and whether we were required to answer it. 

Maybe if someone felt like they had to scream that question out at us, we didn't look at in love and infatuated as Sterling told me he wanted me to look like. We probably looked like we wanted to be anywhere else but here, but that was because I was wobbling on my feet and Sterling was nervous for whatever was behind those closed doors.

An event he told me, but I had a feeling already it was one of his artists events. A proper one, perhaps an important one and he was nervous that I was coming. Maybe that's why he went through every single tie of his, before deciding that it wasn't 'him'. "Sterling doesn't wear ties" he said, so he wasn't going to match my dress. 

Which was fine, love wasn't matching my dress to his tie or vice versa. Love was probably showing up even when I didn't want to because I felt tired, Love was being there for him cause it was obviously important to him that I was here. I didn't mind that we didn't match, perhaps others would but he looked better with a tie. He looked good, with his signature look of the top two buttons unbuttoned. It was normal, a regular look, just the smallest amount of skin anyone would show when they didn't button it up for a tie. It was normal.

Maybe love was normal.

Maybe it wasn't as special as people wanted you to think it was, otherwise where would the inflation on gifts in the market come from? Maybe it was a little bit boring as well on some days.

"Ready to go inside?" 

I turned my head to look at Sterling, oh finally. We were stepping from the tape on the ground to the next one, to get blinded by the bright lights before someone ushered us to the next piece of tape. Did they think the tape was inconspicuous? Cause it was bright yellow on black carpet, so it didn't feel like it wanted to blend in.