Different Indifferents

My heart felt like that...like crying

The person in front of me said , " Hello , I am Finn Wagner". I heard the name and I uplifted my face and it was the same jerk. I froze for a moment and then I calmed myself down and forcing a smile on my face I said , " Hello , I am Anna Udolph ". Then , I continued to eat my lunch thinking how to start .

And then I finally buckled up my courage and said ," So , have you completed the novel you snatched that day in the library ". I didn't mean to be that cold but I somehow did and his face went white. Then , he just said ," No ". Yes this is what he said just no.

And by now, I was filled with rage but I just controlled myself and that , " Okay , if you have not completed it then I think you should please hurry up a bit MR. WAGNER" . And saying that I stood up and left the canteen.

 I went to the class waiting for the next teacher to come . But I was very much angry thinking that he remembered and still instead of apologizing what he said was just a fucking no. The teacher entered the class and so did him . I tried to concentrate on the class . It was organic chemistry , and we were studying some nomenclature and the teacher asked me a question and I answered it correctly. It was now the turn for next question and no one knew the answer including me but one . The jerk raised his hand and he told the answer and that too correctly. The teacher was as impressed as I was surprised. Finally the troublesome day ended , indeed that day made me a lot angry.

 The next day, Lucia came and told her what had happened, she told me to ignore him because she knew after that lunch break I was completely pissed at him. The school began and the teacher told us about a new science project which was to be done in teams of three students. These students were of course decided by the teacher and we could get the names by the end of class. The class ended well and I was as curious to know the teams just as the others were. Finally, the teacher pasted the page containing name of the teams on the notice board . I was happy and sad . I was teamed up with Lucia and Finn Wagner. Lucia was watching me with a strange face because she knew I hated Finn. But what we could do was to complete the project together and tolerate the jerk. We had to complete the project after completing our school classes . So we decided to go to library after classes , and we started working on the project and that didn't actually go too bad.

After spending quite some time in the library, I went home , sat in front of the mirror . I used to do this quite a lot whenever I felt depressed but today it was a bizarre feeling . My days were going pretty very well, my grades were also fine. But, something was missing, somewhere inside my heart I felt that I was lacking something and that made me sad but what that was supposed to be find out. That feeling got worse in quite sometime, I started to feel suffocated , I felt that there was something heavy on my chest stopping me from breathing . And then I started sobbing and didn't know the reason but I just wanted to cry, so I just let my tears flow. I held my mouth with my hand so hard in order not to let my mum hear. That time I felt, I wanted to go to a place where no one could hear me and I could just bring my anger out and I could just cry as hard as I could, I could shout as loud as I could. After 10 minutes of crying , I felt better and I wiped my face .The next day I was feeling better but my heart still felt like crying and it very weird. I hid that feeling , after the classes as usual we went to the library. After 30 minutes Lucia got a call and she left as she had a family emergency . It was us now, me and Finn . I was not feeling well but I had to hide it, after a moment I couldn't hold my tears so I just told him that I was going to restroom . Crying without reason was weird for me too , I felt as if was driving myself crazy without any reason but my heart was like not feeling well at all. So I went to the rooftop , it was windy there and I felt free to cry .I started to cry and I didn't realize when I became loud, after quite sometime when my tears were dry, I started thinking what the heck was happening with me that I just wanted to cry that bad. And I just realized the reason was me myself , the reason was that I just felt I was not having my own life but had just borrowed it from someone else and was trying to make it better for the real owner, I was feeling that I had just lost myself. My eyes were puffy from all that crying so I just sat there and Finn came and silently sat beside me without me knowing.He said, " When people cry in strong windy area it is quite tough to hear the sound , so you just chose the right spot Ms. Udolph". I was startled as he said because I didn't know he was there until now.