Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21

Grade twelve came in a blink of an eye. I decided to cut my hair and let my natural slightly curvy hair let loose. It was now shoulder length, balak ko pa ngang magpakulay ng rainbow kaso hindi ako pinayagan.

"UJD pa rin ba tayo?" tanong ni Etienne habang nakapatong ang baba n'ya sa aking balikat. Nakakandong ako sa kan'ya habang may ginagawa siya sa kan'yang laptop.

"We can try the universities in Manila," I offered, yet he shrugged. Ah, ayaw n'ya. He probably didn't like the workload.

"I'll take BSN as a pre med course," sabi ko sa kan'ya. I know he's taking computer science so we'll have to part ways in college. Sa school na lang kami babawi.

He pursed his lips, saglit n'ya itong hinawakan. Binalik n'ya ang atensyon n'ya sa kan'yang laptop.

And I don't even know what he's trying to do, puro semicolon at numbers ang nababasa ko. There were a few letters but it was mostly just symbols. Hindi ko talaga alam kung paano n'ya nakakayanan ang mga ganitong klaseng hobby.

Hindi ba dapat masaya kapag hobby lang? Bakit parang ang sakit naman sa ulo ng hobby ni Etienne?

"You wanna migrate?"

"Hm, ikaw ba?" he asked, feeling drowsy. May suot-suot pa siyang anti-radiation na salamin sa mata.

"I'm already okay here," I fixed his glasses, nalalaglag na kasi dahil nga pupungas-pungas na siya. Ayaw pa kasi matulog, ano'ng oras na kaya.

"Lavy plus u," he kissed me on my cheek. Nangingiti siya at agad naman kumunot ang noo ko sa kan'ya. I am not that showy and Etienne acting like this makes me feel sort of funny.

"Pakyu?"

He pouted. "Lavyu 'yon."

"Ah, akala ko pakyu."

"Puro naman fuck nasa utak mo, bata pa nga tayo." He frowned at me, a teasing smile forming in his lips. Agad namang nalaglag ang panga ko sa sinabi n'ya.

"Huy! Hindi gano'n!" I said, namumula na sa kahihiyan. Etienne place his head on the nook of my neck.

"Thank you. . ." Etienne whispered. "I didn't know this day would come sooner, you in my arms, you saying those words for me." He caressed my cheeks by brushing his own cheeks on me. "Lavy, I'm scared that one day you'll wake up that you don't love me anymore."

"That won't happen. . ."

"It happens often, Lavy. And you know why it hurts the most? Because we deny the existence of the idea that falling out of love is inevitable."

"So, you're saying you'll fall out of love too?"

"Yes," seryosong sabi n'ya. "I'll fall out of love because I'll choose to love you more deeply each time the love I have for you diminished. No love stays the same because it eithers gets burned out or it will burn more passionately. . ." His kisses trailed on my shoulders.

The idea of falling out of love made my insides feel knotted tight strings, it somehow left a trail of doubt because I know that my love for him wasn't as deep as his love for me. I was still navigating my feelings for him.

May kumatok sa kwarto ko kaya naman napaigtad kami. Etienne looked at the door blankly, inayos n'ya ang kan'yang salamin at hinilot ang kan'yang batok. Nangalay siguro siya dahil sa posisyon namin kanina.

I went towards the door and asked who it was. "Yes?"

Bumungad sa akin si Mareena na medyo nagulat kay Etienne. She smiled at him and Etienne returned it. Medyo nahiya si Mareena at muling binalik ang tingin sa akin.