Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 30

Kabanata 30

"L-lavy," Etienne gradually lowered down his gaze. Dinampot n'ya ang sirang kwintas sa lapag.

"If you think I don't love you, then I don't." malamig na sabi ko. "I don't love you, Etienne. Ayan? Okay na? I fucking confirmed your feelings!" my voice croaked, my chest inflating with air because of how fast I tried to calm down myself.

"Lavy, that isn't. . ." Etienne held on the necklace tightly. Kita ko ang pamumula ng kan'yang kamay sa higpit ng hawak n'ya roon.

"Tapos na tayo, Etienne." I said, plastering a blank expression. "I don't want to be with someone who can't trust me. Pagod na akong patunayan na mahal kita. I always have to prove something. . ."

My love for him was intangible. Kahit kailan ay hindi ito makikita ng iba at siya lang ang makakaramdam no'n. And if he can't even feel my love for him, para saan pa na magkasama kami ngayon?

I didn't want him to settle with a mediocre love. No one deserves to settle with a love that is least deserving. He deserves to feel treasured and appreciated. Pagod na akong habulin ang paraan kung paano dapat siya ibigin.

"L-lavy, sandali lang. . ." his hands went to grab mine. Agad ko itong tinabig. Tulad noong araw na humihingi siya sa akin ng tulong. My heart was freezing at the moment.

"Ayoko na sa 'yo. At kahit ikasal pa si CL sa iba, hinding-hindi na ako babalik sa 'yo. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't trust m-me. . ." naiiyak kong saad. I wipe my own tears.

I cursed under my breath before looking at him.

"Minahal naman k-kita. Ano pa bang kailangan kong gawin para p-patunayan 'yon?" mahinang saad ko. Ang puso ay unti-unting pinipiraso. I inhaled through my nose and looked sharply at him.

"I loved you," Ngumiti ako sa kan'ya, bumabalisbis ang mga luha. "Pero ayoko na sa pagmamahal na pakiramdam ko ay kailangan palagi akong may papatunayan. I don't want a love that makes me feel cage because there's no assurance. Ayoko na sa pagmamahal na inuubos ako. . ."

"L-lavy, huwag naman ganito. I. . ." Etienne's jaw clenched. "I was the one at fault. I just became desperate because. . ."

"Because you think I'll choose CL over y-you?" nangangatal kong tanong. At sa hindi n'ya pagsagot lalong lumalim ang lungkot sa puso ko.

"I-I'm sorry, ako mismo ang gagawa ng paraan para hindi masunod 'yong kasal. I'll b-be good now, Lavy. I promise not to meddle with anyone's life. . ." aniya, tila ba isang batang nangangakong hindi na uulit.

I exhaled to release my deep rooted disappointment. "That's good. . . Pero hindi na kita babalikan. I had enough of this. I want us to break up, Etienne. I can't be with someone who can't trust me." I caressed his face and made him look at me. "I can't be with you anymore. I w-was happy, but I'm not going to stay because of that. I want you to find someone who can love you without making you doubt their love. . ."

"Ikaw 'yon, L-lavy. . ." he held on my hands, eyes brimming with tears. "Huwag mo a-akong iiwan, please. Hindi ko na 'yon gagawin. . ."

Ngumiti lang ako sa kan'ya at unti-unting umiling. "I realized that you've done a lot of things for me. Pero napagtantuan ko rin na hindi ka naman dadaan sa mga sakit na 'yon kung hindi ako ang mahal mo, Etienne." I said, my voice croaked as I slowly took my hands off him.

Umaagos ang luha sa aking pisngi. He rested his head on my shoulder. Nanghihina ako habang ginagawa n'ya 'yon. I know what he had to go through but this is all wrong. Mali 'yong ginawa n'ya.

Napabuntonghininga naman ako. When will you let me go? Kapag ganito. . . Mahihirapan akong pakawalan ka.

"Let's go home," aniya.