Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 41

ETIENNE

(Happy Anniversary, Alliviates! Here's my gift for you.)

Kabanata 41

"Lavy won't cry. Not over me, to say the least."

I craned my neck to Adren's direction, watching him move his lips as if he's not convinced that Lavender is strong enough to withstand the cold treatment. I mean, hindi ko naman siya masisisi. I was as nervous as him but not because I think Lavender cannot handle it. . .

Pinagpapawisan pa ako kahit malamig naman sa loob ng opisina ni Adren. That woman would kill me one day, I swear to heavens that she'll be my death.

Paano kung mapa-I love you ako bigla? Edi putangina 'di ba?

I sighed, napasapo sa aking sintido. It's for the betterment anyway. I can't look at her the same way as before. At babalewalain ko na lang ba ang mga nangyari sa aming dalawa?

Besides, she has a family with Caer. And she's probably only talking to me because of the current situation. Kahit parang imposible dahil lahat ng baraha ay na kay Adren na.

I bitterly smirked because frankly I wanted to help her but certainly not in the way that would benefit Dayanara and Alfos. Mareena can get out of there, Adren and I just need a little more time. At sa gano'ng paraan, Lavy could freely move without eyes tailing her.

My hand felt cold when I realized how fucked up I am. Di ko na siya p'wedeng mahalin. The woman is already married and she already has a kid. In all aspects, it's wicked and cruel to even have a trance of affection for her.

"Bakit hindi mo hinanap si Solstice?" Adren asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee. Rinig na rinig ko ang patapos na tunog ng coffee machine at kumakalat naman ang amoy ng barako.

"Why should I?" I nonchalantly replied, diverting my sight to somewhere else.

"Tayong dalawa lang ang nandito. Pati ba naman sa akin hindi ka magsasabi ng totoo?" Sumimsim si Adren sa kan'yang kopita.

I pressed my lips using a finger and smirked. "Why should I tell you? Sino ka ba sa aming dalawa? Why should you know? I don't really like people knowing my business. . ."

He shrugged. "You know everything about me."

"But it doesn't mean that you should know everything about me," I smiled at him. Pinagdaop ko ang mga kamay ko habang binabalik ang tingin ni Adren.

People liked to assume they entailed a part of you whenever they got a piece of truth from your being. Honestly, that's irksome and it makes me pissed off whenever some people think they know me.

I don't even know myself that much. Buti pa sila kung gano'n, mas kilala pa nila ako kaysa sa sarili ko.

Back to the question, did I try to look for Solstice? I did. And whenever I tried, Caer was always with her. It was fucking torture to see her not trying to please him but gets along with him so well.

It makes me think that everything about the both of us were illusions I made to make myself feel better for what happened to me —because of what I wanted to give her. That was my choice though, she shouldn't have given pity because I didn't ask for it.

Unsolicited pity is the worst gift you could ever give to someone. And Solstice Lavender Reverio gave that to me for years. I just wanted to be loved by her, 'yon lang naman — she didn't need to please me every time. It makes me feel more unwanted than ever.

Tumikhim si Adren. "Solstice grew up in a loveless environment, she doesn't know how to express her love that much. Pero mahal ka n'on."

"How sure can you be?"