Colors (rewritten)

MCKAYLA

I don't believe in superheroes or guardian angels. I learnt from a very young age that believing there's someone out there looking out for you will get you nothing but disappointment as life will walk all over you nomatter what you believe in.

But I trust my father one hundred percent and if I was a believer I would call him my guardian angel but it probably wouldn't be accurate, because my father is a ruthless tyrant.

Unlike most parents, my father has never let me down, he's never lied to me and he readily gives me what I ask for. And that's what I'm counting on in this moment as I enter his home office.

"Father," I say as I walk further into his office.

My dad looks up from his laptop, his face seemingly emotionless but I know better. "Mckayla."

"I need to talk to you." I get straight to the point.

"Can't it wait?"

"I'm afraid it can't." Patience is not my strong suit and he should know, I get it from him. "One of my friends got in trouble at school and they are talking about expelling her."

"I see." He closes his laptop. "And I'm guessing you want me to intervene."

"Yes. You are a generous sponsor for the school and your name holds weight. All you have to do is make one phone call."

"And this friend of yours, what exactly did she do?" He asks.

I sigh, of course my father is curious, as if he actually cares about what silly teenagers get up to. "That's not important. I admit she was wrong and if it was another person I wouldn't care if they got expelled or not but this is my best friend and I'm not letting her get thrown out of school." I say, showing my father exactly how loyal I am. "Now, are you going to help or not?" I sound exasperated, because I am.

"Watch that tone." My father warns me. "You know I will fix if matters this much to you."

"It does."

"Consider it done." He says and my face splits into a grin.

"Thank you daddy." I say as I go around his desk so I can hug him. "Thank you so much." I repeat, grateful for the fact that I can always count on my father.

"You are most welcome. Now if you don't mind, I have some work to do." He adds and I know I'm being dismissed.

"Of course." I got what I wanted so I really don't need to be sticking around anyway.

"Mckayla?" My calls me right before I leave.

"Yes?"

"This friend of yours, the one who might get expelled, it wouldn't happen to be Tatiana Monroe, would it?" It's more of a statement than a question.

I frown, wondering how he could have possibly guessed and why he sounds so certain. "Yes, it's Tatiana. I would have told you but you were going to find out at school anyway." I explain. "How did you know?" I ask him.

"Wild guess." Is all he says.

Hmmmm, interesting. "I always thought you disliked guessing games."

"I do and I also dislike your friend."

Like I said, my father is always brutally honest with me. "You don't have to like her, she's my friend, not yours." I tell him, my tone matching his. "Just make sure she doesn't get expelled."

"Consider it done."

"Good." I thank him one more time before finally leaving his office and going to my room.

Now that I have fixed Tatiana's problem, I'm going to focus on more pressing matters. Like my sex life or in this case, lack of it.

So talking to Max didn't help much, no surprise there. Apparently she thought giving me advice on intercourse meant telling me all about her sexual expacades and boy did she have a lot to tell me.

Unfortunately none of it was helpful in improving mine and Lukas's relationship. Lukas has gone from avoiding me from barely acknowledging me. He doesn't touch me or try to kiss me. I know we don't have much of a pyschical relationship but he's always been affectionate and sweet.

I miss that, I miss my boyfriend. I even miss how he tries to mess up my hair and that's saying a lot because my hair, just like the rest of my looks, is very important to me.

But I'm not going to cry over because I don't cry, I fix things. I'm going to fix my relationship and this time I won't be asking advice from anyone, I will do it myself.

Once in my room, I lock the door before taking off all of my clothes and putting on some music.

I'm not a freak or anything but according to what I have been reading up on the internet, sex is all about making yourself good as much as it is about making your partner feel good. So let's get to work.

Of course since this is my first rodeo I need a little inspiration, something to get me in the mood and in this case it's porn. Thanks to my sister and boyfriend's browser history I know some good porn sites. Who knew I would one day  be thankful for going through their search history?

At first I'm skeptical, wondering what the hell I'm watching. But as I watch more and more videos, I start to get into it. As someone who's never been interested in anything having to do with sexually explicit videos, I have to admit that this is really good.

It's not just about the sex, it's about the foreplay, the way he touches her and how she responds to his mouth, his tongue and the way he teases her. It's also about how she makes him feel equally good by moving with his body  and the sexy noises she keeps making, encouraging him and making him go faster and rougher.

It's hot and I'm turned on. I start to touch myself, imagining that it's some faceless and nameless actor from one of these sites. I could just imagine it's Lukas but I want our first sexual experience to be the real thing, plus these guys who are accurately referred to as pornstars are really hot and from my point of view they look like they are really good.

Up until this moment I never really got the term 'good weird' but now I totally get what it means. Having my own fingers inside of myself feel fucking weird but it's good weird.

I'm seventeen going eighteen and I'm not ashamed to say that I have never been fingered, well now I can't say that anymore because I'm currently finger fucking myself and as foreign as it feels, it also feels really good. I can now understand the hype, and it might the orgasm talking but I get it now, self love is the best kind of love

God bless the internet!