Colors (rewritten)

ASHLEY

I'm visibly shaking, my palms are sweaty and I don't think I can breathe. I think I'm having a panic attack and who can blame me, this is too much. Why did I agree to this, why did I come here, this was a mistake. I need to get out of here , I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this......

"Ashley!"

I jump a little at Camila's icy tone. "Y-yes?" I stammer as I look into her equally icy blue eyes.

"I have been calling your name for a while now and you have been ignoring me the whole time." She sounds calm but I feel like she's annoyed with me.

Or maybe it's the fact that I'm still very much intimated by her, I can never tell if she's upset or not. I don't know, this is all too weird and confusing.

"Sorry I was just distracted."

Camila rolls her eyes at me. "It's just a cake, Ashley." She says as if it's not a big deal. I suppose to her its not but I know how I can get after devouring a whole piece of chocolate cake and it's not worth the momentary pleasure.

I tuck my hair behind my ear, a nervous habit I have adopted over the years. "Yes yes, I know that. It's just that....ummm....." I don't even know how to explain. I know she won't understand and she will definitely get all judgemental. It's not like we are friends, she confessed her feelings for me and kissed me at Mckayla's party and now here I am sitting on her bed, in her room as if all those years of torment age inflicted on me are nonexistent.

I'm confused as hell but I'm such a pushover and a pathological people pleaser that I'm too nervous to ask her what's going on.

"Then eat it." She says as she sits opposite me on the bed, her voice much softer. "You are so beautiful," she says making my heart pound, I'm not used to this side of her.

Camila grabs the piece of cake from the plate and holds it up against my mouth. "Take one big bite, I promise you will like it."

Oh I don't doubt that, it smells so nice and I want nothing more than to eat the whole thing but I just can't, there ware way too many calories in that thing.

"Come on, Ashley you can do it."

I don't think I can do it but she looks so hopeful and she's smiling at me. I don't want to let her down and so with a heavy heart, I open my mouth and take a bite of the cake. It's mouthwateringly good and I instantly want more. I know I shouldn't but I just can't help myself, I hold onto Camila's wrist as I continue to eat more and more of the cake.

"See," Camila giggles and I think that's the first time I have heard her laugh. "I told you it was good."

It's all done now and suddenly I realize what I have just done.

"Oh my God." I'm so horrified, I cover my face with both my hands and start to weep uncontrollably. What was I thinking?

"Ashley." Camila says my name as she removes my hands from my now tearstained face. "It was just one piece, it's not a big deal......."

"Not a big deal?" I interrupt her angry. "You don't know what it's like so you have no right to decide whether I'm overreacting or not, okay." This is probably the first time I have ever snapped at her.

Camila looks stunned, well of course she is, she's usually the one doing all the yelling.

"Okay, calm down...." She says and that's just makes me feel worse.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" I get off her bed to create some distance between us. "You don't what its really like for me okay, and with good reason." More tears stream down my face as I continue to lash out at her. "You spent years and years terrorizing me, calling me names and making me feel way worse than I already do about myself. You have been so cruel to me."

"Don't you think I know that?" Camila is suddenly right in front of me. "I was a bitch to you, I know that! I have been in love with you for a very long time and you never even noticed. You wouldn't even at me and I hated you for it. I was jealous, so jealous everytime you spoke or smiled at someone else and I was mean to you because it was the only way to make you notice me!" She's yelling at me, pouring out her heart to me, angry tears spilling from her eyes.

I don't know what to say, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she loves me, it's just so unbelievable. This is Camila Sinclair, the girl who once spat in my face calling me a 'dying bulimic'. How could she love me so much if she thinks so little of me?

"Ashley," she moves closer to me and raises both her hands to either sides of my face. "I'm sorry, I really am." Camila is staring right into my eyes as she says the words. "I know I hurt you but I really do love you." She murmurs.

"You have hurt me so much." I say through my sobs. "I don't know if I can trust you Camila. You have said some really hurtful things to me....."

"I know I know," she says quickly. "And I'm sorry I will spend all my life making it up to you. I love you Ashley and in spite of all the shitty things I have said to you, you are perfect and I want nothing more than to call you mine."

"Camila," I really don't know what to say. I'm feeling a lot of things right now and I can't explain any of them.

"Give me a chance Ashley," she leans in and kisses me softly on the mouth. "Please, I want to be with you."

It's too much, I have never been in this position before. No one's ever confessed to falling in love with me before. But now here I am, being given a romantic speech by the last person I ever expected it from. It's so overwhelming, this beautiful, intelligent and intimidating girl wants me. I wish I could say I was immune to her but I'm not. She's not Kristen but maybe it was supposed to be her all along.

Without saying a word, I press my lips against hers and really kiss her. She kisses me back almost instantly. There's so much passion in her kiss and her hands are in my hair, softly tugging at my blonde locks, I don't think I have been kissed like this before, it's raw, it's intense and I really like it.

"Yes," I breathe out the word against her mouth. "I want this , I want you." I'm practically out of air and my heart is beating so fast.

Camila grins, her blue eyes lighting up with joy and excitement. "I fucking love you." I barely have time respond because she starts to kiss me again, her hands running all over my body, she's so irresistible and I think I can love her too.