Sad Blart : Fall Cop

Chapter 4 - Reaching out?

1: 23 PM. Sitting alone in the surveillance room. Staring through the monitors observing the people. I see pretty women. Women that are too good for me. Lovers, i will never earn. Unjustified relationships passing by. I used to feel aroused by the sight but now it's hopeless. Love... A goal that's simply unachievable for a bleak man like me. The feelings always had a hold on me. Maybe I'm not looking for love. Maybe I am. I just want to make it through the challenges of being me. Being Paul Blart. Being this... Thing. This fat hideous man child. Am I really that desperate? Yes, I am.

Will anyone ever understand the pain of being a man like me? Will anyone ever relate to my trials and tribulations? Will I ever find out if there's a reason behind them? If it's all just a lie. If any of it ever mattered? If any of it will matter? Will someone ever decide to simply reach out and help heal the broken man that is Officer Paul Blart? Won't someone dare look at me in the eyes and relate to that man? I doubt it. I doubt many though. One thing I don't doubt is the fact that I need therapy. Clearly. I'm starting to lose the plot. Who am I again? An overweight, unintelligent mall cop with the behaviour of a parasite. Something that clings to and feeds off of the things it loves. The things it craves. Yes, I crave food but I also crave love and happiness. Just something to make me feel like existence is worth it. Is it really? Is it all just a game? Is god behind my downfall?! Was any of this planned?! Are we all parasites? Looking to feed off the things we love. Is love even important? I've been divorced
already. Come on! For the love of God, somebody gives me a reason as to why I should even bother!

I stare out at the monitors. Cold gaze. Watching the kids cheerfully walking by. Wishing I was young. Wishing I was in their position. Sure the law matters but this is just too intense. This isolation, the terror of being alone. I just can't bear it and yet I reject the idea of reaching out because I know I'll fall due to that lack of sugar. That rising tension is The nightmare of failure that keeps giving me bad vibes. Am I bad for not trying? I'm not sure. But I'll always be alone. Hoping for someone to reach out and talk. A hug maybe? Something that at least gives me some gratitude. I have zero of it left and I'm losing my patience. Security has me chained. Forever sworn to protect, observe and report.