Sad Blart : Fall Cop

Chapter 13 - Bewildered

As I step out of my Segway and gaze at the ocean of cars in front of me I take a moment to take in my thoughts and breathe in the cold, misty air outside. No one else is here yet. I'm still early and committed to my job. I admire my dedication but my thoughts race around the dark and dingy crevices of my mind. A bleak subconscious ruled by an empire of despair. A soul-crushing cavern of traumatic sorrow. With every feeling dampening each nostalgic moment that lies behind the facade of my fake smile or the curtain of my fleshy skin. Rotting and decaying. Reeking into the sugar-filled blood that endlessly flows like the passage of time. Time never ends. Security never ends. Destiny keeps calling. However, this bumbling beast of lard and hopelessness can't answer the call. He can only become obsolete. Reaching the end of his plight. His purpose. Ready to switch off as he endlessly brawls against the demons of the night. Disconnected and trapped in a state of eternal bewilderment. Lost in isolation and stuck in a mall of his choosing. Forever stepping into the gate's purgatory with death by his side.

Wondering the car park I continually ponder the reason as to why I do this. As to why I continue my quest. Why do I keep driving forward full speed ahead? Why do I even attempt to reason with a world that doesn't need a man like Paul Blart? A world that doesn't need the Blart family. A place where I'm doomed to relive the same earth-shattering moments of reflection and recollection. Fragments are supposed to signify change and maybe even happiness. Fragments that ultimately reveal themselves to be dead ends. Masks without faces. Pointless questions without answers. Description without meaning. A series of events is not worth the thought or the effort. Not worth the grief that only bites back at the wreck who's writing this. Scarred and damaged. Immersed in this fantasy I can never seem to escape.

A world where I can't quit. Mainly because quitting is not an option. Devotion and passion will lead to the right answers. Goodness and pride. But pride is a sin. Selfishly quitting is greedy and greed is a sin too isn't it. I guess but quitting is also lazy and slothfulness is a sin. Arguably anything can be viewed as a sin. Life may be a sin. This job may be a sin. Regret. My mother. All of it could be one big evil waste of everyone's energy. Everyone's resources and responsibilities. Drowning in awful intentions. All for nothing but a nasty unforgiving world that smacks you on the head and causes you to bleed once more. Stop. Maybe Maya didn't just beg me to let her go to UCLA. Maybe Maya wanted to cleanse herself of my misgivings. My regrets. My heartbreak. My suffering. The things that bark at me like the small dog I ran over on my Segway. The cute little animal I never meant to hurt. The animal that never should have seen its demise. Maybe I should've suffered my demise? Am I like that animal? Does my buffoonery hurt me? Does it? Or does it mean nothing when others want to hurt me and shame me? Make me wallow with my tears of depression no man will ever cry out of his weeping eyes. His eyes with pain and vitriol that consumes you and then consumes me.

Maybe we're all animals ready to witness the consequences of our inhuman torture. Our destruction. I mean we are creating global warming, right? But warm things don't last forever. Warm pie. Warm hearts. Love that's supposed to last a lifetime until it's violently destroyed. Ruined in a field of negative emotions the world will never see behind your eyes. In tones, the customers of this mall will never witness. In hardships that no one will ever have to bear. In the horror that knocks you down and forces you to continue on the same beaten path that got you where you already were before. Implosion, desecration, self-loathing, and pure cynicism permeate throughout The West Orange Pavilion Mall. A land of mindless consumption. Never evolving. A vast space where you're bewildered by the size of the place but ultimately lost and not found in a torrent of unloving uncaring mindless customers and the occasional kid that hugs you. Never truly alone but never truly loved. Only there to be abandoned and left behind.