Sad Blart : Fall Cop

Chapter 15 - Tears and Silence

Calmness. Peace. Every day I think about this place. The shops. The people. The kiosks. I remember Amy had a kiosk but she closed everything up. She shut the whole thing down and left. Our divorce was just too much to handle. Our love was just not meant to be true. Our happily ever afters ruined in a marriage she never really wanted. Did I want it? Did I want to continue this life? Did I want to carry on like this? I'm not so sure but I'm just taking in the air and going through life one shift at a time. I remember Leon used to spend time with me in the mall too but those days are long gone. I'm aging. Fading. None of it matters anymore but I'm going to keep going because that's all I can do to keep my sanity in check. To keep my mind comfortable. To make sure it's as free as possible. However, my mind is never free. It's always under siege somehow but I'm trying to stay under control. Trying to stay calm and appreciative of all that's around me.

Every store is just a wonderful piece of stunning architecture. Something worth seeing. Something that will eventually shut down and close because we can never have nice things. We can only live with suffering, violence, and pain. Originally I had ma. I had her wonderful pies and fantastic cooking skills. Her culinary excellence keeps me through the night after a bad day at work. No food shop or a good time at the mall will ever come close to that. Nothing can top it. Nothing can beat that sheer joy that motherly love can bring to anyone. But she doesn't matter. Mindy doesn't matter. Maya? I've tried to call her but she just won't answer. All I'm left with is the sights of the mall and its features that have kept me entranced for years. The waves of mindless customers and the quest to find a point to any of this. Why did I continue to work here? Why didn't I take up Chief Brook's Offer? Why did continue to do what I do "best"?

I can't answer that. I can't say why I did what I did. I can only mourn. I can only attempt to rationalize it. I can think it through before putting my hands over my silly little head and breaking down in a mountain of tears. Tears that reap their way into every single strand of bushy beard hair around my tired, grizzled old face. Tears that ultimately mean nothing. Who cares if I'm sad? Maya doesn't. You don't I don't even know why you're reading this. This thing that I've written. This diary that's all about my emotional woes. The pain. The grief. The dread. What will any of it build up to? A fat man still riding his segway through a desolate mall that's as vacuous and stupid as my own moronic subconscious. I don't even know why I listen to it and again I don't even know why you read it. Who even are you? Who am I? Where am I? What is this life without someone to share it with? It's just another shift. Another day going by in the tale of Paul Blart.  Where there are only tears and silence that remain. With nothing meaningful left...