Winter Baron

Chapter Thirteen

Bucky fell asleep eventually, and slept on later than he'd expected, as did Zemo. Sam, and Sarah were up early that morning. A.J, and Cass had already left for school by the time Bucky woke up. He stretched, and got up quietly. Bucky went to the bathroom, showered, and got ready for the day. Sam was in the kitchen having a cup of coffee. Bucky walked in, and poured himself a mug of coffee. He leaned back against the sink.
"You guys okay?"
"Yeah, he just had an episode, that's all."
"Is he okay?"
"I don't know." Bucky sighed.
"I really don't know. I'm just going to focus on what you said last night, and try to help him as best as I can."
"That's all you can do." Sam sipped his coffee. Bucky nodded, and took a sip of his only to turn suddenly, and spit it out into the sink. Sam looked bewildered.
"Jesus, that's hot!" Bucky said loudly as he grabbed a paper towel from the roll, and wiped his face. Sam tried not to laugh, but he couldn't hold it in. Zemo's eyes opened slowly as he heard the sound of giggling coming from the kitchen. What are those two doing? He sighed, and got up. Once he was dressed, and ready for the day he met them in the kitchen.
"Good morning." He stepped in.
"Morning." Sam smiled.
"Hey, Want some coffee?" Bucky offered.
"No, thank you." Zemo smiled sheepishly. He felt a bit awkward about the scene he'd made the night before.
"So we're going to New Orleans today, for some sightseeing if you're feeling up to it." Bucky said, looking into his coffee.
"Alright." Zemo nodded.
"It sounds fun, distracting."
"Distracting?"
"Yes..." Zemo nods.
"Is everything okay?"
"Nothing is okay, James."
"I'm going to step out." Sam excused himself.
"Sarah probably needs my help with...something." Was the excuse he came up with, as he left the room.
"Zemo, talk to me. Please."
"James, I don't know how to be happy...yet there are moments in which you make me happy, I don't know how to feel about it."
"About being happy?"
"Yes, James I don't understand how I can feel positive emotions when my Heike, my Carl, are dead..."
"It's not wrong for you to feel happy Zemo. We've talked about it before. You can't change anything that's happened, but you can choose what happens next. Are you going to be miserable forever, or allow yourself to move forward, and experience the good things life still has to offer you?"
"Good things like what?"
"I don't know, maybe, your friends?"
"Friends?"
"Yes, me, Sam, Sarah, the boys, all of us." Bucky set the mug down.
"You've got me there, James. I do appreciate what you've done, and have been doing for me. I am happy to be with you, and everyone."
"I'm sure your wife, and son are too."
  "I hope so." Zemo looked down.
"Zemo, you act as if they hated you." Bucky sighed.
"What?" Zemo looked up.
"You act like they wouldn't want you to be happy, you act like they want you to suffer. Why? I can't imagine they were cruel to you, you seemed to have loved them dearly."
"I do. They were the loves of my life...I suppose I feel that they've grown to hate me because I couldn't save them, and I'm betraying them even now..."
"That's not true, they could never feel that way about you, and they know you did all you could, please I know it's hard, but that's all in your head."
"How do you know, James?"
"You're being delusional, Zemo. That's how I know. Your family loved you, and still loves you, and I guarantee they would have died for you! They would have done all they could to protect you just as you did for them!" Bucky was yelling now. Sarah, and Sam stood just outside listening curiously.
"You've got to stop believing all this crap you keep telling yourself." Bucky lowered his voice.
"I'm sorry..." Zemo sighed.
"I'm not doing very well am I?"
"You can though, Zem. I know you can. You don't have anything to apologize for."
"We came here to be with our friends, and have fun, and I'm ruining it."
"You're not, we know you still hurt. We are here for you. I know I sound like a broken record, but I won't stop until you believe me."
"I do believe you, James. It's just...difficult."
"I know. I'm sorry I yelled."
"It's okay. I do want to see the city, and not as a distraction, I truly want to see it with you James." Zemo smiled, however, he wasn't telling Bucky the full truth. Bucky nodded, although he was a little suspicious. Sam stepped back into the kitchen with Sarah.
"So what's the plan guys?" He asked.
"We're going to New Orleans for some tourism." Bucky smiled.
"Alright." Sam smirked excitedly.
                                            ~
First the group went to the oak alley plantation. The mansion was quite large, and beautiful. Zemo was a fan of architecture. The path up to the mansion was lined with beautiful southern live oak trees. This seemed to be the feature that drew people in for tours.
"So Mr. Baron, you're probably used to seeing mansions like this?" Sam asked.
"Yes, only a different style of architecture." Zemo nodded.
"Probably weren't plantations either?" Sarah asked. Zemo shook his head.
"No, Sokovia was not as barbaric as the United States." He smirked. There was a bit of an awkward silence. Sam felt that he should say something in the United States defense such as 'we've gotten better.', being captain America, and all; but Zemo was right, in that a lot of the country's history was barbaric, and gruesome. It wasn't even that long ago that segregation ended, so in truth had they really gotten better? Maybe, and maybe not.
He let out a sigh. Sam took up the shield knowing, and experiencing this country at some of its worst, but he did, so for the sake of the future. Steve believed in him, Bucky believes in him, and his family, so he has to believe in himself. He can change things for the better, and protect his home, and family to the best of his abilities. This went beyond just the United States, and his family. Sam wanted to help all people as best as he could, regardless of who they were, or where they were from, or what they thought of him.
Next they headed out to the bayou. Zemo had been to a lot of different places, but he hadn't ever been to a swamp before. It was humid despite the time of year. The water was dark, and murky with tall bald cypress trees rising out of it. They had taken a quick ride on an airboat, Bucky, and Sam enjoyed it, however, Sarah, and Zemo did not enjoy the ride so much. Sam, and Bucky spent most of it talking, and laughing. Bucky kept an eye on Zemo, who seemed to be dealing with some sort of motion sickness. Is it the boat? He was fine in the car, and on the plane?
Zemo was sitting slightly hunched over with his elbow on his knee, and his face resting in that hand. Sarah was holding onto whatever, and whoever she could. She was concerned about falling off. Their tour guide stopped suddenly, and pointed out a few alligators that were relaxing in the water. This got Zemo's attention. He sat up, and watched curiously.
"Amazing."
"horrifying." Sarah shook her head. She was definitely ready to go now.
"Sarah, we literally live in Louisiana, there are gators, why live here if you're afraid of them?"
"Because, we decided to keep the family home in the family! It's not my fault these damn dinosaurs are here too." She laughed.
"They are like dinosaurs." Zemo smiled.
"Carl was always fond of dinosaurs. He would have loved this."
"Cass would've too if he didn't have school." Sarah agreed. Bucky smiled seeing Zemo having a bit more fun, and talking so openly about his son. Once the ride was over the group traveled back the way they came over a boardwalk.
"I've figured it out." Zemo blushed softly.
"What's that?" Bucky asked.
"On the way here, I wondered what this was about. I thought perhaps it was because of the long grass, and plants, or maybe the water. But I see now it's because of the alligators."
"That's right." Bucky smiled.
"They can't climb up here. I think they're kind of cute."
"No they are not, Bucky!" Sarah laughed, causing Zemo to laugh. Not a forced laugh, not a giggle, or small chuckle, and genuine laugh. Bucky smiled.
"I'm glad you had fun. I was worried you weren't."
"Oh, I didn't feel well, my apologies."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, it was the motion..."
"Oh, from the boat?"
"Yes, you wouldn't have known on the plane, or in the cars. I usually take medication that stops it before taking any transportation. I didn't know we'd be taking a boat, and left it in the car. The one I took earlier has begun to wear off."
"I see. That makes sense, but you really like cars don't you?"
"It's different if I'm driving. I'm so focused on the driving itself that my body doesn't seem to respond to the motion the same as it does when I am a passenger."
"Okay, I'll warn you then we're having dinner on a steam boat."
"We are? That sounds very interesting, romantic even."
"Romantic?"
"Yes, that could certainly be a romantic atmosphere for some people..." why did I say that?
"Yeah I guess so..." that's the point... Bucky tried not to outwardly sigh. Zemo blushed a bit embarrassed. I want it to be that way don't I? No...but maybe...no I don't, I can't...my family...is gone, James is all I have...I want him to take me for a romantic night out is that what I am saying? Zemo shook his head. He must have lost his mind. The group made it back to Sam's truck. Sarah, and Zemo climbed into the back, and Zemo took another pill for motion sickness, it was a non drowsy form of the medication. Bucky sat shotgun while Sam drove them back to New Orleans.
The steam boat was absolutely beautiful. Mostly white with Three decks, and two tall, black smoke stacks. There was a large red paddle wheel at the stern. A warm glow came from its lights. The sun was setting, as they'd reached the twilight hour of the day. Sarah had already called a friend to watch the boys after school, as she wasn't sure when she'd be home.
It being the actual Halloween night, they were likely about to go trick or treating again. Sam, and Bucky had gotten tickets in advance, and they boarded. Going up to the second deck, they were seated. There was a buffet, and live jazz.
"This is probably one of the best things I've done this century." Bucky noted.
"Really?" Sam asked surprised.
"Yeah, I think so. Buffets are fantastic, I love jazz, and I have all of you here with me." He smiled, and looked them all in the eyes ending with Zemo, who blushed, and looked away immediately. He turned his head to look out at the river. He'd taken another pill this time, so the boat's movements on the water were no bother to him. They all ate at the buffet, and talked, and laughed together.
Zemo excused himself, and went to use the restroom. Once he was finished, he got distracted by going up to the top deck. He walked to the stern of the boat, and leaned against the railing. Watching the sun disappear.
                                                ~
Bucky noted that Zemo had been gone for some time.
"I'll be right back." He said getting up to look. Sarah watched as he walked off then turned to her brother.
"We should have let them do this on their own."
"I thought you wanted us to all hang out together?"
"Yeah, but this would have been really something if it were just the two of them."
"I guess. I wish they would just get on with it already."
"Get on with what?"
"It's so obvious they like each other."
"Yeah I know it is, on Bucky's end." Sarah sighed.
"You don't think Zemo's into him?"
"Not necessarily. Sam it's hard to bring yourself to get with someone new, when you lose someone you loved." Sarah looked her brother in the eyes, she spoke from experience. Sam nodded.
"But you're right. If we'd gone to do something else, and let them do this maybe that would have set the mood."
"It still might."
"You should talk to him."
"Who?"
"Zemo." Sam looked out over the river.
"You know what it's like. It might help him to know someone else who's experienced that type of loss before."
"Maybe." Sarah nodded, and turned her gaze to the river as well.
                                            ~
Bucky found his way to the upper deck. Immediately he spotted Zemo alone, leaning on the railing, watching out over the river. The back of his coat illuminated by the warm lights on the boat. Bucky loved it. He loved this view of Zemo, especially because Zemo was unaware of Bucky's presence. He thought he was alone, and being himself. Bucky loved the lights as well. He loved the lights of cities, the lights at carnivals, and cony island, however it was Zemo in these lights that made them so perfect.
He walked up to the railing, and stood beside Zemo. Zemo's eyes were focused on the paddle wheel.
"You're not thinking about jumping are you?"
"No." Zemo laughed softly.
"I'm just admiring the machinery, and the river. It's beautiful." Like you. Both of them equally thought to say, but neither could bring themselves to. The music grew slower, and Bucky noted a few couples slow dancing.
"You want to?" He held out his hand.
"Do I want to?"
"Dance?"
"Dance?" Zemo repeated, and looked around. He saw the others around them dancing.
"O-oh James, I don't know that I-"
"C'mon, I'm not that good at it either, but we can't be the weird ones up here can we?" 
"I suppose not." Zemo hesitated a moment before taking Bucky's hand. Bucky held Zemo's left hand in his right, placing his left gently at the small of Zemo's back, however, Zemo flinched.
"We don't have to if-"
"N-no I want to, I just...I don't know what that was." Zemo shook his head.
"Okay, if you're sure." Bucky more, or less let his hand hover over the area. Zemo was a lot better at this than Bucky was, likely due to his aristocratic background. Bucky tried to keep the lead, but he couldn't quite keep up. Zemo took steps to the right, and Bucky followed.
"And now for the spin." Zemo smirked, as he twirled around, still hand in hand with Bucky.
"Very nice." Zemo praised.
"You're doing far better than you'd given yourself credit for, James."
"Thank you." Bucky blushed, just before accidentally stepping on Zemo's foot.
"Sorry." He stopped.
"It's alright." Zemo laughed.
"I am just glad it was you, and not me who did the stepping."
"Of course." Bucky giggled. The two were unaware that Sam had grown inpatient, and gone to look for them. He found them quickly, and got the entire thing on camera. In that moment, the music, the lights, the atmosphere, the river, the boat, everything was absolutely perfect. Blue eyes locked onto brown. They were silent, simply studying each other, seemingly getting closer. Holy shit. Sam thought, tapping the screen of his phone to zoom the camera. You can do it! Suddenly the horn from another boat sounded loudly from the other side of the river.
"Shit." Sam whispered, and scurried back down to the table. Bucky, and Zemo both jumped, and turned their heads to look at the other boat. Bucky looked back at Zemo.
"That was loud."
"Y-yeah it was."
"We..." he rubbed the back of his neck.
"We should probably head back."
"Yeah, the others are probably worried." Zemo agreed. Damnit... Bucky shook his head. I can't believe that just happened. What the hell are you thinking Buck? He followed Zemo down the stairs. Zemo's thoughts were in a similar place. You can't, you can't, you can't. You can't have these feelings, not for him, not for the super soldier. You have a family, you can't do this to them!
They made it back to the table, and the river boat had made it back to its dock.
"So guys were going to check out one last place before we pub crawl." Sam said.
"But only if you guys are okay with this."
"What is it?" Zemo asked.
"It's really spooky, and it's Halloween, so we thought it would be neat."
"What is it?"
"A cemetery bus tour." Sam smirked.
"I'm fine with that, the cemeteries here are really neat." Bucky nodded. Zemo was hesitant.
"I...okay." Zemo forced a smile. The last thing he really wanted was to be surrounded by the dead.
                                            ~
After disembarking from the steam boat the four of them drove over to the first meeting point of the tour, however, they hadn't gotten tickets in advance.
"That's a lot of people..." Sam noted.
"It might be sold out by the time we can get tickets."
Sarah sighed.
"Okay I think we're going to have to skip this. Sorry guys." Sam said with disappointment.
"It's alright. We can do it next time." Bucky said. Zemo nodded, however, he was relieved.
"Guess we'll head over to the first bar." Sam drove them to the French quarter. Zemo was very taken with the architecture. It was very crowded, and took a while to find a place to park. A lot of people were dressed up for Halloween, and the entire area was decorated accordingly. They went into the first bar.
"Luckily we already ate." Sam said, ordering a drink for himself, and Sarah. Bucky ordered a simple beer, and Zemo ordered a shot of whiskey, and then another. At the next bar he ordered two more. Sam was simply buzzed. Sarah only had one drink at each place, and Bucky, well it didn't matter what he had, or how much. Eventually they ended up at a nightclub. The music was loud, and could be felt thumping in one's chest much like their own heart. After a few more drinks Zemo made his way to the dance floor.
"Is it just me, or is this exactly what happened in madripoor?" Sam asked Bucky. Sarah giggled.
"I think he's having fun."
"And I think he'd drunk." Sam looked at Bucky. Bucky looked at Zemo. He was dancing exactly as he had in madripoor. Oh lord...
"He danced like that in madripoor, and he wasn't drunk." Bucky said in Zemo's defense.
"If you say so." Sam shook his head.
"There you are!" Zemo shouted suddenly, and jaunted over to the group. Unable to stop, he ran right into Bucky.
"James you're here too?"
"We came here together."
"We did?"
"Zemo-"
"Dance with me!"
"What?"
"You always want to dance, James, you can't fool me." Zemo giggled.
"You wanted to dance on the boat, and I want to dance again now."
"Zemo I-are you dru-"
"Let's go! I want to dance. I want you to dance with me." Zemo grabbed Bucky's hands, and dragged him out to the dance floor.
"Oh my god." Sarah covered her mouth.
"He is drunk."
"I told you." Sam said. Bucky managed to stop Zemo in the middle of the dance floor. He started dancing again. Bucky stood beside him awkwardly.
"Zemo, I think we should head back now."
"Why didn't you dance with me in madripoor?"
"What?"
"I saw you watching me, did you want to dance?"
"We had to watch you to make sure you weren't causing trouble."
"But I saw you smiling, why didn't you come to dance with me? You wanted to."
"Maybe I did." Bucky shrugged.
"So why didn't you?"
"I don't know."
"Dance with me now!" Zemo backed into Bucky, and took his hands.
"Here." He placed Bucky's hands on his hips.
"Move with me." He began to sway his hips
"Zemo you're drunk, we have to go."
"James, you're not moving." He looked over his shoulder, and reached up with his left hand to cup Bucky's cheek. Bucky reached up, and took his hand.
"Next time, okay. It's time to go." Bucky, pulled Zemo along, off of the dance floor.
"We need to take him home." Bucky said to Sam.
"Right." Sam led the way out of the club. Once outside, Zemo was stumbling.
"Here." Bucky threw Zemo's arm over his shoulder. Sam did the same with Zemo's other arm. Now they were just dragging him alone. He was giggling, and mumbling nonsense to them. His slurred English was difficult to understand, but when he began talking to them in Sokovian they were at a loss.
"I'm just going to carry him." Bucky sighed.
"Thank you." Sam said, letting Zemo go. Bucky scooped him up like a baby. Zemo laughed.
"Is that funny?" Bucky asked.
"Yes." Zemo giggled. 
"My legs are sleeping."
"A huh." Bucky was trying not to laugh, although he was also a bit angry, and very worried.
                                           ~
The ride back to Sarah's was interesting to say the least. Zemo laughed a lot over everything, and anything. He sang in sokovian a few times, and they had to pull over a few times for him to puke as well. Luckily when they got back the boys were already in bed. Bucky carried Zemo into the house.
"Do you think we should take him to the hospital?" Sam asked his sister. She shook her head.
"I don't know." Sarah shrugged. Bucky laid Zemo down on the bed.
"Hey man, is he going to be okay?" Sam stepped into the room.
"Do you think we should take him to the hospital?" Sam asked Bucky this time.
"They might need to pump his stomach."
"What dose that mean?" Bucky looked at Sam, worry filled his eyes.
"You know it's when they shove a tube down your throat, and suck out whatever you've ingested."
"I don't think it's that bad, Sam." Sarah shook her head.
"Well I think he's got alcohol poisoning. He's already vomiting, and he's cold, and pale. He looks like he could drop dead at any moment."
"What?" Bucky looked at Sam, then at Zemo, who was still giggling as if someone had told a joke.
"I'm just saying, we can't be too careful."
"Jaaames!" Zemo called Bucky's name in a low moan, and got onto his knees. He crawled across the bed to Bucky, and threw his arms over Bucky's shoulders.
"Soooldat..."
"Zemo lie down please, I'll get your pajamas." Bucky said, then froze when he felt Zemo's tongue brush over his neck.
"Hey! What are you doing?"
"You want to fuck me don't you?"
"What?" Bucky's face went bright red.
"Whoa!" Sam was taken aback.
"You want to fuck me."
"Zemo, n-no I-"
"Of course you do. Everyone wants to fuck me." He laughed.
"Zemo stop, you're not in control of yourself." Bucky said, gently pulling Zemo's hands away.
"Come now, James, soldat, you know you want to fuck me just like they did." Zemo smiled, but it was different, it was holding pain.
"They?"
"Oh yes, everyone. All of them. Ross too I suspect."
"Ross?" Sam repeated.
"Fuck me james, just fuck me!"
"Sam." Sarah glared at her brother. Of course this is somehow my fault. Sam shook his head.
"Buck, can you please control him?"
"I'm trying!"
"We'll try harder."
"Zemo stop!" Bucky forced Zemo down into the mattress, however this only made things worse, as Bucky's face seemed to shift into that of another's. Zemo began to struggle, then he began to scream whilst kicking, and wriggling.
"Get off of me, get off!" He sounded exactly the same as that night he had the nightmare, and Bucky had to wake him.
"Let go!" He shouted, and Bucky let go. Zemo scrambled off of the other side of the bed, falling onto the floor, and crawling into the farthest corner from them. He held his arms up defensively, he was breathing heavily, and shaking.
"Buck what's going on?"
"I don't know, this has happened before." He sighed. Sarah crossed the room. She got down on her knees.
"Hey, it's alright, everything is going to be fine." She spoke softly, and said many reassuring things.
"I'm going to check on the boys." Sam said, leaving the room. Bucky nodded. Zemo began to calm down.
"You know who I am?" Sarah asked. He nodded.
"What about him?" She pointed to Bucky.
"James..."
"Very good."
"James! I-I'm sorry..." Zemo began to cry.
                                              ~
After Zemo was calmed, Bucky went to get him a glass of water, and Sarah helped him up, and walked him to the bathroom. She was about to leave when Zemo spoke.
"Wait..."
"Something wrong?"
"I...can I talk to you...?"
"Of course."
"Privately?" He looked nervous, and flustered. Sarah nodded, and closed the door. Bucky came back with the water. He set it on the nightstand, and sat down on the bed. I'm so tired. He thought. The bathroom door opened, and Sarah stepped out. She closed the door, and met Bucky in the bedroom. Sam happened to come down at that time as well.
"The boys are fine. They were a little startled by the screaming, but they were fine, and went right back to sleep."
"Oh good." Sarah smiled, and looked at bucky.
"This isn't really my business to tell, but I think it's important you know." She said to Bucky.
"He wants to tell you, but he's not sure how." Yet he told You? Bucky thought. He wondered why Zemo could confide in Sarah, but not him.
"Should I step out?" Sam asked. Sarah nodded. Without another word, Sam went to his room, however, he was sure he knew what his sister was going to say. Sarah sighed,
"I think he was raped..."
"What?"
"He didn't fully come out, and say it, but he very heavily implied it."
"He's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying." Bucky said, a bit annoyed.
"He showed you the marks? He said he did."
"Did he show you?" Bucky was taken aback.
"He did. I volunteered at a trauma center once when I was a teenager. I've seen marks like those plenty of times on different people, all rape victims, Buck." Sarah looked him in the eyes. Bucky's heart sank. They sat in silence until Zemo was brave enough to join them.
"You okay?" Sarah asked, standing up.
"I feel sick." He could bring himself to look at bucky.
"How about you lie down, and I'll bring you a bucket."
"Okay...I'm so sorry."
"It's alright." Sarah smiled reassuringly. She stepped out, and Zemo climbed into bed. He pulled the blankets up to his shoulder, and laid on his side.
"I can sleep on the couch if you want. Bucky said.
"I don't want you to leave...please don't leave me."
  "Okay." Bucky climbed into bed. He laid on his side facing Zemo, whose back was to him.
"Zemo..." Bucky trails off.
"Yes?"
"Nothing, we can talk tomorrow, you need to get some sleep okay."
"Okay." He answered. Sarah came back with the bucket, and set it at Zemo's bedside.
"Goodnight boys."
"Goodnight, Sarah." Bucky smiled.
"Thank you, Sarah. Goodnight." Zemo said sleepily. She turned off the lights, and closed the door.