Winter Baron

Chapter Twenty

The bathroom door opened, and steam flooded out into the hall. Zemo stepped out with a towel wrapped around his body.
"I was going to bring your robe." Bucky said as Zemo entered the guest room. He closed the door behind him.
"It's fine, James. You don't need to unpack it." He smiled wearily. He knew the robe was likely stuffed in the bottom of his suitcase. Bucky nodded. He noted how red Zemo's back, and shoulders were. His brow furrowed, and he felt concerned, but then again Zemo always took hot showers.
"You okay?" Bucky asked gently.
"Yes, James. I just want to go home."
"Okay." Bucky nodded. He zipped up their luggage. Zemo got dressed, and pulled the handle of his suitcase up, so he could roll it behind him. He went out to the car with Bucky in tow. Sam popped the truck, and they placed their bags inside.
"Do you have to go?" Cass asked sadly.
"Yeah, but don't worry, I'll see you for Christmas." Bucky smiled down at him.
"I know it just feels so far away." He said looking down at his shoes, and lightly kicking the dirt. Bucky chuckled.
"It will be here in no time."
"That's what mom always says." A.J laughed.
"And I'm always right." Sarah said, placing a hand on their shoulders.
"That's debatable." Sam said as he closed the trunk. A.J giggled, and Sarah shot him a glare. The group said their goodbyes. Bucky opened the door, and Zemo climbed onto the backseat. Sam got in, and started the car, and Bucky sat shotgun. The boys waved as they drove off. Zemo sat quietly with his hands clasped in his lap, eyes focused on them. Once the car was gone Cass looked up at Sarah.
"Zemo looked really sad."
"I know honey, don't worry. He will be okay." She smiled at him sadly. She hoped she was always right.
                                          ~
At the airport, Sam stopped at the drop off spot by the front doors. Bucky opened Zemo's door as usual, and he stepped out. Sam got out, and popped the trunk again. After unloading the baggage. Sam, and Bucky hugged one final time before saying goodbye.
"We'll come to you for Christmas this year. Sarah is all about New York at Christmas." He rolled his eyes.
"You're a good brother." Bucky praised.
"I am." Sam nodded in agreement. The pair laughed, and Sam looked at Zemo.
"See you soon. Get some rest." He smiled a bit awkwardly. He sensed there was something wrong, but he didn't want to push. Zemo simply nodded. Before speaking.
"Thank you Sam." He said without even looking at him. Sam definitely took notice this time. Did I do Something? He had to ask himself. No. Just give him time. He said goodbye one final time before getting back in the car, and driving away.
"You okay?" Bucky asked.
"Yes, James I'm fine!" Zemo snapped.
"I was just asking." Bucky said in his defense. Zemo grabbed the handle of his suitcase, and extended it. Bucky sighed inwardly, and followed with his bag as Zemo huffed, and started off into the airport. Zemo may have said he was fine, but Bucky was still rather worried. They walked together in silence through TSA, and to the terminal. Zemo sat down. Their flight hadn't arrived yet.
"Do you need to use the restroom? Now would be a good time, so you don't have to go on the plane."
"I'm fine James. It's not a long flight."
"It's like four hours." Bucky wasn't sure he agreed.
"I don't mind going on the plane if I must, James."
"Okay." Bucky nodded. Part of him wanted to go now, but he didn't want to leave Zemo. He sat there besides Zemo bouncing his knee which he never did. Zemo sighed.
"James I'll be fine, go ahead."
"Do you want any snacks?"
"No."
"Okay." Bucky said before getting up, and walking over to the restrooms quickly. Zemo watched him, and found himself smiling. How could he be smiling after such a horrible thing had happened. Because of him. He makes me happy. That thought alone made him smile more. That was when the tears started.
                                             ~
Once Bucky was out of the restroom, we went over to a snack shop by the terminal. He bought Zemo some cookies, and some pretzels for himself.
"The plane has landed." Zemo said as Bucky sat down beside him.
"Here." Bucky handed him the cookies.
"Thank you." He said as he opened the bag. Bucky noticed redness in Zemo's eyes, and that it looked as if he's cried recently.
"What happened?" Bucky asked. He had already been protective, but now that feeling was amplified.
"I was just happy."
"Happy?" Bucky didn't expect to hear that.
"Yes, I was just watching you, and I felt happy. My heart. It feels good. It hurts, it feels so good."
"It hurts?" Bucky said with worry in his voice.
"Yes, but in a way that, I don't want to be apart from you." He wasn't sure he could tell Bucky that he loved him, not yet.
"That's how I feel. Like all fluttering, and stuff. Like when people say you have butterflies." Bucky grinned.
"Yes." Zemo chuckled.
"I feel that." Soon enough all the passengers had exited the plane, and the stewardess was calling the next group up by seat row. Bucky had chosen seats near the rear. Close to one of the bathrooms just in case. They two boarded, and Zemo took the window seat. He fell asleep about an hour into the flight.
                                            ~
"Zemo?" Bucky's voice sounded.
"Zemo, we're here." He spoke again. Zemo opened his eyes. How on earth could I be tired? He asked himself after he realized he'd been sleeping. Haven't I slept enough? He looked at Bucky, and nodded. Bucky stood up, and held his hand out to Zemo. The Baron took it, and stood up. Bucky pulled their bags from the overhead compartment.
"Thank you James." Zemo smiles softly.
"Of course." Bucky grinned. Usually Zemo just got mad at him for doing everything, and insisted upon doing everything himself. It made him happy that Zemo finally accepted Bucky doing things for him. They stepped off of the plane, and left the airport. Bucky's car was right where he left it. He pulled the keys from his pocket.
"Wait, James!" Zemo grabbed Bucky's arm before he pressed the unlock button.
"What?"
"Shouldn't we check it first?"
"For what?"
"Explosives." Zemo said as if it should have been obvious.
"Why?" Bucky asked.
"What if he planted a bomb on it?" Zemo said, referring to Curt. Bucky nodded.
"Stand here." He said as he began to circle the car, and inspect it. He looked underneath. He peered in the windows. Finally he pressed the unlock button. Nothing. He began to search around inside until Zemo was satisfied.
"I think it's okay."
"Are you sure of this?"
"Yes." Bucky nodded. Zemo stepped over to the car. Bucky opened the trunk, and set their luggage inside. He stepped over to the passenger side, and opened the door. Zemo climbs in, and buckles his seatbelt. Bucky sat in the driver's seat, and started the car. Everything was okay. He began to drive them home.
                                            ~
The sun had set by the time they got back to the apartment. They stepped inside, and Bucky turned on the lights. Zemo immediately went to his room, and began to unpack. Bucky on the other hand just set his bags on the ground in his room. He'd get them later.
"Alpine!" He sat on the floor as the little white cat sitting on the bed stretched, and jumped down to him. She rubbed her body against his knees, as he petted her. She had a rumbling pur going. Zemo stepped into the room, and sat down. Alpine then rubbed against him, and let him pet her. She was very happy to have them both home again.
"I'm going to take a shower." Zemo said suddenly as he stood up.
"You took one before we left." Bucky looked up at him.
"Yes, but I've just been on a plane for four hours."
"Yeah." Bucky said. They two stared at each other in silence for a moment.
"I mean if you want to take one then go ahead." Bucky said finally. He didn't think being on a plane for four hours warranted a shower, but each to his own.
"Can I pee first?" He asked as he stood up.
"Yes, but hurry." Zemo sighed.
"Thank you." Bucky said before going into the bathroom. Zemo looked down at Alpine. She looked up at him, and purred.
"I missed you too." He smiled. He heard the toilet flush, and the sink turn on, and off again before Bucky stepped out.
"All yours." He smiled. Zemo nodded. He grabbed a towel, his robe, and more, or less ran into the bathroom. He closed the door, and Bucky heard the water start immediately. Bucky felt a bit of concern, but Zemo was also an aristocrat, surely they showered more often, or maybe it was a cultural difference. He shrugged it off. He sat down in the living room, and watched tv for about an hour before Zemo turned the water off. Zemo often did take long showers.
Bucky got up, and started down the hall when the door opened. Steamed flooded out of the room.
"I think I'm going to go to bed." Bucky said as Zemo stepped out. He was wearing his robe. Bucky noted the redness of Zemo's skin again. This time at his collar bones, and neck.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes James." Zemo smiles, but it's one of his fake smiles. Bucky catches it immediately.
"Zem?"
"I'm just tired. Long flight, long... trip." He sighed. Bucky nodded. Zemo stepped past him, and into his room.
"Goodnight James." He said before closing the door.
"Night." Bucky said softly. He was scared. Zemo was back to the same behaviors as before. He looked down at Alpine.
"Guess we're on watch." He whispered before going to his room. He left his door open, and sat down on his bed. He didn't sleep. He was up, scrolling through social media on his phone for hours. He was terrified Zemo would try to do something dangerous again. Zemo was also lying awake in his bed. He couldn't sleep.
He really wasn't tired, but he was also afraid to sleep. He was afraid of what he might dream about. Eventually he sat up, and stared at the wall like he used to in his cell. He had grown fearful after the incident on the raft, and now that fear had come to pass. He couldn't stop thinking about it. How it felt, how it still feels. He hugged himself, and fell back down onto the bed on his side.
Alpine hopped down from Bucky's lap when she heard Zemo crying. Bucky watched her. He stood up, and stealthy followed her to Zemo's room. He glanced in. He saw Zemo curled up. Eyes squeezed shut, tears rolling. Alpine jumped up onto the bed. Bucky decided not to make his presence known. Instead he would give Zemo some time.
He knew Alpine could handle this better than he could, so he stepped out, and went back to his room. Alpine rubbed her body against Zemo's, and purred. Zemo opened his eyes, and looked at her. Her eyes were blue, and crisp. They reminded him of a clear ocean. He reached out, and pet her. She walked in circles as he pet her before flopping down at his side. He laughed softly, and sniffled.
"Thank you." He said as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. She looked at him with those big, bright, beautiful eyes. Begging him for more pets. Of course Zemo continues to pet her. When summer comes, I want to see the ocean. He'd thought about being a boy, and his family taking him. Zemo remembered taking his wife. I never got to take my son. His heart felt heavy with so many emotions. Grief, sorrow, anger, hurt, embarrassment. It was too much. I want to go to the ocean with James... he continued to think about the ocean, and picture it, he thought of the sounds of the waves. Eventually he fell asleep.
                                          ~
Bucky woke in the morning when he heard the shower start. He didn't even know when he'd fallen asleep. He sat up, and stretched. Bucky was surprised Alpine wasn't asking for breakfast. He walked into the kitchen, and saw that she had already been fed. I guess Zemo fed her. She was now laying in front of the glass sliding door to the balcony sunbathing.
He showered twice yesterday, and now he's in there again this morning. Bucky shook his head feeling rather worried. He poured himself a bowl of cereal. Maybe I'll ask him about it. He thought as he added the milk. He turned, and leaned against the counter as he ate.
Even after finishing his cereal he still heard the shower running. He put the bowl in the sink, and stepped into the hall, and glanced toward the bathroom. He decided to wait a bit longer. Bucky sat down on the couch, and turned on the television. Alpine jumped into his lap, and they watched the morning news together. Bucky looked at his phone, then at Alpine.
"It's been over an hour." He said as he stood up. Bucky walked down the hall.
"Zemo?" He called out once he reached the bathroom door.
"Zemo?" He called again when there was no answer.
"What?" Zemo replied with a hit of irritation. Oh good. Bucky thought as he'd worried Zemo ran away, and turned on the shower to fool him into thinking he was in there.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
"It's been like an hour. I know you like long showers, but you took two yesterday."
"So?"
"So I think you're done." Bucky said, leaning his right elbow on the door, and resting his forehead on his arm. No answer. The water stopped, and Bucky dropped his arm to his side. The door opened, and Zemo stepped out in his robe.
"Hey." Bucky smiled softly. Zemo's expression was blank. Bucky glanced at the steam filled room.
"How hot did you have it?"
"As hot as I want." Zemo replied with a bit of an attitude. Bucky frowned.
"Not boiling I hope." Bucky retorted. Zemo sighed with irritation as he walked by. Equally irritated, Bucky turned, and grabbed the back of the collar of Zemo's robe.
"Hey!" Zemo shouted.
"Let me see?"
"What?" Zemo looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.
"Let me see?" Bucky repeated himself with a firm voice.
"Let me go James."
"Zem, you need to let me see right now."
"See what James?" Zemo glared.
"You're back, and shoulders. I want to see your arms too." Bucky's face softened to show his concern. Zemo tried to tug himself away.
"I don't want to man handle you Zemo!" Bucky raised his voice a little. Tough love seemed to be the only way to get through to Zemo at times.
"James let go!" Zemo shouted back.
"I am not playing with you!"
"Neither am I, show me what you did?"
"I did not do a thing!"
"Bull shit!" Bucky said as Zemo turned, lifted his arm, and smacked his hand across Bucky's cheek. After that, silence. The two stared at each other for a moment. I'm going too far. Both though simultaneously, but Bucky knew how Zemo was. If I let him go, this pattern will continue.
"That's it." Bucky sighed before using more force, and tore the robe down the middle to the sash. Luckily Zemo had it tied around his waist, so nothing below that line was in danger of being exposed.
"James!" Zemo still shouted nonetheless. As Zemo turned, and tried to grab at the toren parts of the robe, Bucky inspected the beat red skin on Zemo's back, and shoulders. I knew it. He sighed.
"Arms. Let's see em?" He said as if Zemo was a child in trouble. Zemo didn't answer. He stood silently looking down.
"Zem." Still no answer.
"Please." Bucky sighed. Zemo let his arms fall to his sides, and the sleeves slowly slid off. He lifted his arms, but would not turn, or even look up. Bucky gently took Zemo's arm, and looked over it. Red, and rubbed raw.
"Jesus." Bucky spoke softly.
"Please, James. May I go now." Zemo said, his voice shaking slightly.
"Why do you have to go?" Bucky's tone was much calmer now.
"Why can't you talk to me?" Bucky asked. Zemo shook his head, and began to cry.
"James..."
"I'm here, I'm listening."
"Are you not disgusted?"
"Huh?"
"Are you not disgusted by me?" He finally turned, and looked at Bucky.
"No." Bucky shook his head.
"Why would I be?"
"Because of everything I've done, and what that man did."
"Zemo, if I have to tell you that the past is in the past one more time I don't even know what I'm going to do." He was nearing his wits end with that. Bucky has told Zemo over, and over that he forgives him.
"You have to forgive yourself now too, and trust me I know that's the hardest part, but you have to keep trying. You can do it, and you were doing so well." Bucky smiled. Zemo wasn't expecting to hear that.
"I was?"
"Yes." Bucky nodded. His eyes were glossing. Is he going to cry over me again? Zemo was as shocked as before. He cried when I tried to die, he cried every time I was hurt. He even called me his friend, no he's said more than that.
"I'm sorry... It's just so hard."
"I know." Bucky smiled softly.
"Trust me, I know more than anyone."
"I know." Zemo nodded.
"I just... I killed his family."
"Who's?"
"Curtis..." Zemo looked down again.
"Zem." Bucky wasn't sure what to say.
"His wife, and his daughter... A little girl." He began to cry harder. Bucky hugged Zemo tightly.
"I killed the black panther's father. That is why you should be disgusted, not just because I used you as a tool."
"Why do you have to say it like that?" Bucky whispered more to himself.
"I'm not disgusted by any of that. Am I going to say it's okay? No. It's not, and never will be. You fuck up, and can't take it back, but that doesn't mean you deserved that. No one does."
"But I killed his-"
"So!" Bucky pulled away, but kept his hands on Zemo's shoulders.
"T'Challa came after me because... Well you framed me perfectly, everyone believed it." Bucky began. Zemo cringed. Not helping. Bucky sighed inwardly.
"What I mean is, he followed us like Tony did, but instead of fighting anyone, he waited, and he said as he waited he heard the truth. He heard it from your own mouth."
"I know." Zemo nodded.
"He wanted me to rot in a prison as I deserve."
"No." Bucky shook his head.
"He understands. He knows loss."
"Because I killed his father."
"Yes, and he knows you weren't trying to kill his father in particular."
"Nor was I trying to kill that family. I was trying to cause as much damage, and take as many lives as necessary. It didn't matter who."
"But was it necessary?"
"No." Zemo shook his head.
"A rational response." Bucky smiled.
"That's progress. That means the rage is gone."
"Now I just feel guilt, and sadness... anger at myself..."
"I know all of those feelings. It's all part of the process."
"I'm not saying T'Challa forgives you, and he is still hurt, but he gets that it was a chain reaction. I know this probably isn't a good time to tell you, but Steve said that ultron went rogue because of wanda, and the infinity stone."
"Wanda? The Sokovian!" Zemo looked up in shock.
"Yes." Bucky nodded. Zemo felt betrayed. He didn't know her, but she was Sokovian like him.
"Why!?"
"She didn't know that would happen, and by the time we all realized it was far too late. How do you think she felt?"
"Like I do..."
"Yes, she felt responsible for the destruction of her entire country, and many of the people in it including your family."
"I see..."
"She also accidentally threw a bomb into a building."
"How does that happen?" Zemo wasn't sure he believed anyone could 'accidentally' throw a bomb into a building.
"To save Steve." Bucky replied. Zemo's face shifted for sympathy.
"People died. She has to live with all of that just like the rest of us who have made mistakes." Bucky said, using the word us to include Zemo. The Baron nodded.
"I'm sorry."
"For?"
"Everything, but mostly for acting as if I am the only one experiencing these feelings."
"It's okay. Baby steps." Bucky smiled.
"I don't want to see you hurting yourself."
"It doesn't hurt." Zemo shrugged.
"It might not hurt right now, but I'm sure it will later, or tomorrow. If they do start to hurt I can bandage them for you."
"Thank you James." Zemo nodded. He wasn't sure about T'Challa's feelings in regards to him. He was sure most of that was Bucky trying to make him feel better. Why the black panther agreed to the pardon, and helped secure it he couldn't say. Because he has a kind heart like James, and Sam. He is Noble, and honorable. Everything I am not.
He thought about how Bucky's physician had spoken to him when he was discharged. He would never forget it. He needed to hear it. Really the only person who's forgiveness he desired was Bucky's.
"I am in no way disgusted by you, Zemo." Bucky said, looking him in the eyes.
"Even if he-"
"Zemo, that was not your fault. Why would you even say, or think that?" Bucky paused for a moment.
"Is that how you feel about yourself?"
"Yes." Zemo looked down again. Bucky shook his head.
"No Zemo, don't ever think that. You did not deserve that, do you hear me!" Bucky raised his voice slightly, and shook Zemo gently. Zemo winced.
"Sorry!" Bucky immediately let go of Zemo's shoulders.
"It's okay." Zemo looked back up at him.
"Zem, I know this is going to be hard, but regardless of what happened to that man's family, you did not deserve that. T'Challa's father died in the blast too, and he wasn't going to hurt you. He only wanted you to do your time, and he tried to have you placed in safe facilities. Curtis, if that even is his name, is insane! He did that to you because he is a cruel piece of shit!" Bucky felt that anger again. Zemo's eyes widened. Bucky hardly cursed in front of him.
"You said you were afraid to move on. You felt you were dishonoring your wife. That man dishonored his wife without a single thought. He disgusts me! Not you. Never you."
"Thank you James... I just feel dirty, and gross. No matter how hard I scrub, it won't go away." Zemo sucked his lips in as he started to cry. Bucky hugged him gently.
"You're going to talk to Raynor about all of this. Okay?"
Bucky whispered. Zemo nodded. He wouldn't fight. He wouldn't be sarcastic, or cynical. He rested his forehead against Bucky's right shoulder.
"I'll get you a new robe." Bucky smiled softly. Zemo chuckled through the tears.