Remember me || Patrick Stump

Chapter twenty two

I must have called an ambulance at some point, because the last thing I remember is the ear ripping sound of siren horns. Also, I remember someone screaming. There was a lot of screaming. But that was it. That was all I remembered. Now though, as I lay, eyes closed, I do remember that there had to be some kind of wound inflicted on to me. My head was pounding and my stomach felt as it it'd been sliced open. My eyes felt like weights, and I didn't bother opening them, worrying that too much pain was involved. I wasn't aware of my surroundings but I could smell a very familiar smell. Lysol, and Vaseline. I was in a hospital.
I opened my eyes, groaning at the singing pain, and sat up too quickly. Dark spots danced over my eyes, and I pinched the bridge of my nose to concentrate.
When all the dizziness and blackness had escaped my system, I opened my eyes groggily, and looked around. Then it all came running back. The crying, the razors, the pills. Judah.
Judah. Judah was really gone. This was real and he was really gone. I felt as if I might cry, but a sick feeling swarmed in my stomach, and instead I leaned over the hospital bed, craning my neck so the contents of my mouth would reach the wastebasket.
"Mr. Stump?"
A light, friendly voice asked.
I wiped my mouth and looked up at her.
It was Judah's nurse, and she was holding a clipboard in her hands the name "stump" scrolled in print on the back.
I tried to say something, but my mouth was so dry I felt as if i hadn't drank in days. For all I knew, that could be the case.
"Here," she said, reaching to the table, and handing me a glass of water.
Grabbing it from her much forcefully than I'm pound of, I gulped it down in less than a minute, in hopes to find my voice again.
"H-how long have I been here?" My voice was so hoarse and un recognizable, I almost jumped back in surprise.
The nurse tried to hide it, but I saw the corners of her lips curl.
"Two days Mr. Stump. You tried to c-"
"Is commit really the word to use?"
A red blush faded into her cheeks, and she brushed a peice of auburn hair out of her face. Shocked at my aggressiveness, I shook my head in despair and pinched the bridge of my nose. What was happening with me.
"I'm sorry-"
"It's fine mr. stump. Mr. Urie had informed me of the loss you'd just went through. He's explained that you might be a little edgy when you woke up. It's quite alright to be upset over death."
I froze. What did she just say?
"Mr. Urie?" I asked, my voice cracking. And i had a feeling it wasn't just because of dehydration.
"Yes. Your friend brendon? He found you OD'd in your bathroom. Called the police. They said he was trying to give you CPR when they arrived. Me. Urie also stayed here in the room with you for a while. Said he needed to tell you something important when you woke up."
The nurse was looking at me now, obviously skeptical. Was she as confused as I was?
When I didn't answer she hesitantly said , "I could go get him..?"
I nodded, deep in thought.
Thousands of questions swam around in my brain, my head flooding with confusion. I ducked my head and closed my eyes, running a hand through my greasy hair.
I could literally feel my heart beat in my head, as the medicine In my IV was probably getting to me.
Using one hand, I pressed down on the slightly pink skin around the Tube and winced.
I pushed down harder, and harshly pulled out the IV. Groaning, I reached for a tissue to clean up the wound.
In the process, I cought a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the window.
Despite the two full days of sleep, there were dark marks underneath my eyes, and my skin seemed blotchy, as if I had been crying. There were imprints on my arms where I'd been laying, and the sheets had pushed in.
I looked sick.
I still remember the first time I woke up in this very hospital, un sure of where I was, scared.
Then is been calmed by someone. J- no. I shouldn't think of it. I couldn't.
But no matter, I couldn't help thinking I looked like him now. Sickly.
Except there was one difference. Judah had not chosen to be put into pain. He had not chosen to suffer through years of hospital visits and worried looked. He had not chosen to die an in needed death. He had not chosen to leave this world. But I had.
I had chosen to shy away from my problems, to wimp out.
Instead of attempting to fix them, or battle through them, I tried taking the easy way out.
Judah would've never done that. He knew how precious life was, he knew how every second was supposed to be treated like a decade. How strangers were supposed to be treated as nicely as your best friend. He knew that there was no easy way out. That the only choice was to battle through. To accept.
And he had looked up to me. Said I was strong and brave.
But look at me now. Here I lie in a hospital bed, with slashes in my wrists and a sick feeling in my stomach. Here I lay, regretting my choices, but unable to take them back.
Judah wouldn't have looked up to me now. He wouldn't have looked up to a coward.
"You're up."
I turned my attention away from my reflection, and to brendon who was standing in the hallway.
"I am." It was all I could say.
"I need to-"
"What were you doing in my house?"
I demanded, glaring coldy at him.
I knew he wasn't there to "save me", and I knew there was something missing from the story the nurse had told me.
He looked at me, taken aback and said, "what?"
What? Was he joking? Did he think I was just going to forgive him for all that he'd done? Forget the fact that he just happened to be inside my house with out me even knowing.
"You were in my house that day!" I said, raising my voice. Brendo just stared blankly at me.
"Yes."
"And?"
"And what?"
My dust clenched and my jaw tightened, sending a wave of pain through out me. I didn't care though. My anger was numbing it out.
"Is there a reason for that?!"
Brendon's face changed, as if realization had washed over him. Was he high or something, or just plain fucking stupid? High seemed more like the answer.
"Yes, there is. And I'm sure you'd love to hear it but I th-"
I sighed angrily and cut him off, my words sharp, but not exactly loud.
"Just tell me why you were in my house that day. Tell me why you decided to save my life, when me loosing it could've made everything do much easier with you."
I didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out.
I'd been thinking it this whole time, pondering over why in the world a person so indecent like brendo would save me. When really, if he didn't, He'd have everything he wanted. It just didn't make sense.
He furrowed his brows slightly.
"What do you mean?"
It was as f I'd never even spoken the first sentence.
"Never mind that!"
Brendon winced at my time, and I sighed and lowered my voice, still speaking sharply.
"Why were you in my house?"
He closed his eyes for a moment, as if looking for the right thing to say. Well this had to be good.
"Annabel... She's-She's woken up.."
And I froze.
All the pain I was feeling suddenly went away. Annabel was awake? She was alive and well and- she was awake!
I felt my lip quiver, as if I was pondering over whether to cry of happiness, or jump up and smile.
"She's.." But I couldn't even finish the rest of my words.
Brendon leaned up against the wall, as if giving me time to process it.
No words could even explain how happy I was at the moment. It was if someone had put a dark filter over the world, and they'd just now taken it off. I could see clear again.
And I felt my lips curl upward, as I did something I hadn't been able to do in weeks. Smile.
"How long?" I asked. My voice was almost normal now, as I was giving full effort into everything.
"Two days ago. That's why I was at your house. I wanted to tell you that she had woken up, and many other things as well. When I knocked on your door for over an hour, and called you over 50 times, I decided to just go in. I knew you wouldn't be anywhere else, and the door was open. All the lights were off, and it was freezing."
Realization flooded over me as I remembered how the power had shut off.
"Anyways," brendon continued, " I went upstairs to your room and found blood scattered on your bedsheets. Then I found you in the bathroom. You were on the floor, hardly breathing. I screamed, thinking you were just sleeping, but then I saw the empty pill bottles and the slashes on your arm."
A weird look came over his face, like he was remembering the exact events. I almost felt bad for him. But I was extremely embarrassed.
"I started doing CPR, and called the ambulance. Before they got here, I got you breathing again, but they still had to give you oxygen."
Realizing the story was over, I sat stating sheepishly at brendon. Had I been wrong about him all along? Was he actually a good person underneath all of that horrible, disgusting mask of a person? After all he HAD saved my life.
"Thank you," was all I could say.
He nodded in response.
"When can I see her?"
Brendon leaned off the wall and walked a little closer to me.
"Now but-"
"There's no need for excuses brendon. I'm seeing her. Now."
That wasn't exactly true. Of course I would take a shower and get ready first. As silly as it sounded I wanted to look for her.
I stepped out of the bed , groaning loudly. My legs shook furiously, and they ached.
"Patrick I'm not trying to-"
"Please leave brendon. I'm seeing her. So leave."
He hesitated, then left, leaving me to somehow get into the shower by myself.

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The hot water ran over me, and I winced as my fresh stitches got used to the pain.
The steam of the water felt so good, yet also burned. I scrubbed myself, happy to be feeling clean again. Once I felt as clean as possible, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped myself in a cheap, hospital Rowell, and wiped the fog off of the small, hospital mirror.
My blonde was fading away, leaving dramatically noticeable brown roots at the top of my head.
I brushed my teeth at least five times, until I decided they were white enough.
The nurses bring me in a pair of clothes from the lost and found. A sweater (long sleeved of course) and a pair of blue jeans.
The nurse who had first entered my room - Ella - gave me a reassuring smile, and led me to the room.
Someone must've told her about Annabel because she patted me on the back before I entered the room. Typical nurse move.
Anxiety rushed through me, as I put my hand on the door knob, scared to turn it.
Finally, I turned the knob, and entered the room.
Then I saw her.
She looked confused, and I don't blame her. I would've been too, if I'd been sleeping for months.
But upon every thing... God, she looked beautiful. So beautiful even, that I could hardly pay attention to anything else in the room, including Brendon's hand clasped tightly around hers.
This moment almost didn't seem real.
"Annabel. I.. I missed you.."
My words hung in the air, as if she was trying to find something to say.
But as a minute passed, and her expression only drowned in more confusion, I could tell something was wrong.
"I- I was so scared.. When you got hit I... I couldn't even.."
Then she opened her mouth to say something, but what came out was something that made every hope i'd ever had shatter.
"I'm sorry, but who are you?"