Remember me || Patrick Stump

chapter thirty

Patrick's POV

I've been living with ryan and dallon for a couple of months now.
At first I thought it would be awkward and a little intrusive, but it turns out it's quite the opposite.
Ryan and I caught up on the present, and although dallon is awkward and quiet, he seems to be enjoying himself as well.
More importantly, I am enjoying myself.
Ryan filled me in on his most recent where abouts, and dallon listened along, nodding whenever he felt necessary.
Turns out ryan is in a newly formed band "The Young Veins", and dallon has been in a group called " The Brobecks" for quite a while. And I have to admit, while ryan has a well trained voice, dallons completely beats his.
It's light, and odd, and some what different- in a good way.
I exchanged this privately to him, and though he blushed slightly, he seemed pretty grateful.
It still stumps (ha ha stump) me sometimes that ryan and dallon are a couple.
Will ryan being so our going, and dallon being so kept, it seems as if they might repel one another.
They're not very out about their relationship, but they show their love in different ways.
Like when dallon smiles at ryan, it seems like he can't see anyone else but him. And when ryan touches dallon, even if just a graze, his whole face lights up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of their love.
Not that I would want to be in a relationship with another man, just that if kill to feel that feeling again.
Frankly, I'd kill to feel almost any feeling at all.
Not that on not happy, like I said, I'm enjoying myself.
It's just, I can't feel the anger anymore.
I should be angry. I have every right to be. But for some reason, my brain won't let me.
I can't feel the sadness anymore either.
And TRUST ME. I have plenty of reasons to feel sadness. My best friend is dead. My girlfriend got hit with a car, was in a coma, and forgot everything she's ever seen, done, and loved. THEN, as if the rest of that isn't enough, SHE FALLS INLOVE WITH HER RAPIST. I mean cmon man. That's some fanfic shit.
Anyways, the point I'm trying to get across here is- I can't feel anything.
When I could feel, I didn't want to. When I can't feel , I want to.
sometimes it all just feels like a crazy dream.

-------------

A/N

Hello everyone !
I know I haven't updated in ages, and that these last two chapters haven't been any good, but I'm working on it.
Truth is, I've been questioning if I want to continue this story... I love it and all, and I greatly appreciate all of you co tribute mg by reading, but I don't know..
I've had readers block for months now, and I've been questioning the end of the story.
When I first started writing it, I had everything planned out from start to finish .
But after I started asking all of you for ideas, I used some of them and threw myself off track. This story has gotten so hard to write, and so hard to follow, I just don't know if it's worth it. 
I truly do love writing this story, but it just keeps getting more complicated.
In these last two paragraphs , there is an obvious change in my writing.
This is because my style has changed.
In the last few months my desire to write has become more serious. I don't know if this will change the plot dramatically,  if it may throw a few people off.
Lastly, I would like you all to help me write my next story. If you would like to read something else by me, leave a celebrities name or characters name  in the comments to add as a main character !