The Music In My Heart

Chapter 23

Carter's POV

I don't know what came over me moments before walking on stage. My mind honestly went blank after being told we were up next.

Here I am heaving over a toilet in the bathroom stall wiping my lips dry.

God I feel so sick-

The women's bathroom door bursted open and more chattering briefly filled the room briefly. I quickly flushed the toilet and opened the door heading straight for the sink to wash my hands.

"That was a really good concert! I actually heard the pian- hey you were spectacular!" A woman struck a conversation with me as she guides her daughter to one of the stalls.

I fought the urge to sniffle as I got lost in the sensation of the suds from the soap gloss around my hands.

"Th-thank you," I softly replied and headed out.

I still can't breathe.

People were looking at me as they walked past and some even pointed.

Maybe I'm letting this go to my head- but the world is spinning and I'm struggling.

I met a familiar set of brown eyes as she came rushing towards me with warm arms and I felt safe again.

"Carter, sweetie, you were breath taking," my mom cooed.

"I want to go home," I was fighting tears as I felt my weight drop in my mother's arms.

"Whatever you want," she held me a little tighter and I felt an extra hand on my shoulder giving me a comforting squeeze.

"I'm beyond proud of you," my dad added.

"You're shaking," my mom pulled away to get a closer look.

"Overwhelmed," I sighed.

"I'll go pull the car around, help her gather her things," my dad kissed my mom and gave me a kiss on my head.

I could hardly feel myself be present. My legs felt like jelly and I felt hot in a very cold building. I just want to get out of these clothes and breathe.

My mom and I walked arm in arm as we made our way into the rehearsal room to get checked out by Michelle.

I felt eyes on me as I entered the room but I paid no mind as I gathered my belongings....

"Carter," Eleanora's voice sets me at a standstill and I flinched.

"H-hi," I tried to turn and face her to thank her but she looked to concern as her brown eyes searched sensing something was wrong.

"Talk to me please," she sat my piano bench stopping me from gathering my things.

"If I could find the words to say, I would've said them... I wish I could. I really do. That way you'd stop worrying about me, but I can't," I felt a pang in my chest wanting to hug her but I know I can't.

The hug I need from her is not the hug that can't be shared in this environment.

"Im familiar with the feeling after a performance, but Carter... take this compliment as your conductor, a person who's profession is in music; you were breath taking," she rests a hand on my arm and that alone was enough validation.

"Thank you," I finally found the strength to look at her meaningfully and she softly smiled at me knowing her words did have an affect.

"I'll see you at next rehearsal, get home safe," she gets up giving me a light hug...

"Same to you," I let her go only wanting to never had to.

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I woke up in an oversized tshirt in the middle of the day and I could finally breathe. I still had some weight in my shoulders but it wasn't as unbearable as last night. I didn't even touch dinner when we got home.

Honestly a cold shower should do the trick.

I still feel off..

"Honey, she's buzzing all over Times Unions headlines in the music topics," i overhead my mom in the kitchen.

"It was to be expected.. do you think she'll be alright?" My dad was concerned.

"Only time will tell. Our poor girl was completely whipped from exhaustion..." I haven't heard that tone since-

"Almost like semi finals last spring. We'll do our best as always to make sure she's okay, I know Carter. I know her just as well as you do, if anything, this will draw attention- unwanted included," he comforts her.

I decided to run the water knowing that the possibilities of me making my appearance after being in hiding for a year would only open doors that I've closed in the past.