The Upside Of Us

Part 24

*Jonah's POV*

I keep zoning Kalen out, I couldn't tell you what the fuck he's been saying for the last 3 minutes but I let him speak because he likes it; to hear himself speak even when no one's listening.

But right now it's messing with my concentration, my concentration on a particular brunette sat across from me.

All stuffy nose, and engrossed in her book like it holds the answers to all her questions.

Can you miss someone even if there right there? Right in front of you, you can smell them, you can see them and yet nothings the same.

I don't deserve her acknowledgment nor her forgiveness but I drink it down all the same. I'd get drunk off her indifference just to be near her.

When I followed her to the library last friday like I now seem to do everyday, I had no right to feel so constricted at the sight of her dimpled smiles being directed at someone else.

Her laugh being for someone else.

I'm cut short when Xina decides to speak and tugs a startled wide eyed Mila to her closer.

God I miss her.

"So Mila thought it'd be a good idea to come to my house and do secret santa!" A shy Mila flushes beside her shaking her head and muttering quietly that it wasn't her idea entirely.

"It was just a thought." She says quietly and airy.

"Whatever, we're doing it. Or I'll personally drag you out of bed." Xina says pointing an accusing finger at me, I shrug uninterested.

"I mean it Jonah." She says like if I was a petulant child.

I feel a tug on my sleeve, I look toward a worried Mila. I'm in shock, I turn my body to give her my full attention.

We interact but the moments we do I cherish them more.

She instantly lets go of me like I burnt her. She shakes her head as if she was chastising herself for doing so.

She folds her arms and looks up at me apologetically, "I'm sorry, force of habit I guess. I didn't meant  to touch you. I know you don't like it."

I don't say anything, I don't have it in me to.

not from you. anyone but you.

"Jonah." I hear her call me bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Are you paying attention?"

Always.

"Yeah."

She lets out a laugh, one that's not genuine. "I didn't mean to sidetrack you— what Xina said about secret santa. You don't have to if you don't want to. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do." My mouth feels dry.

She looks down at her hands.

"Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't I want to?" I find myself asking.

She shrugs. "I just— I just don't want to make you feel as you though you have to hangout with m— us I mean us."

Not hangout with her? She meant to say her.

She continues to look for the right words to say.

"I'll be there."

"Jonah it's okay—"

"I want to." She hesitantly nods before accepting my answer.

"Okay." She smiles before turning back to her stuff.