The Perfect Sin

01

𝗥 𝗘 𝗡 𝗭 𝗢

I always end up alone.

Or I guess at least it feels that way, anyway.

People often talk about grief as being empty. Nothing but complete and utter emptiness. But they're wrong. Grief is full. It's fucking heavy. It isn't an absence you have to fill, it's a weight you're left to pull.

Something that you're forced to carry with you no matter where you go. A weight so heavy that sometimes you feel as though you can't even breathe.

It's suffocating.

A constant reminder of what your future will no longer contain. The future you once thought you'd have.

For the people who say it gets easier. The people who said time heals. They're all liars. That's not the case at all. All that happens is the space between the times when you miss them starts to grow longer, then when the time comes and you think of them again, miss them again, it hurts.

There isn't a pain like it. Not one I've endured anyway.

Once the pain that you feel from missing them fades away, the guilt creeps in. The guilt that consumes you because you realise it's been too long since you last missed them.

You feel as though you're heartless for going a even second during a twenty-four hour day without thinking about them. No thought of them crossing your mind at all.

It's just one big repetitive cycle.

I've felt all different kinds of pain throughout my life but grief.. grief surpasses all of them.

Placing the photo frame of my parents back down onto my desk, I shake my head, trying to rid the thoughts of them from my mind.

My childhood was far from sunshine and rainbows, but I know my parents loved me and my siblings with their life. It's just a shame theirs were cut too short.

"Boss," a voice calls from behind me and I straighten my suit jacket, turning around to see Elio stood in the doorway to my office.

Elio is my oldest and closest friend. Our parents were friends and coincidently were only a few months apart from one another in age. It works out that I was born the year before Elio but logically it's only about five months. 

"Sal got in contact, he said they're at the exchange point." He says and I nod my head slowly, toying with one of the cufflinks on my shirt.

"Any complications?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No boss, none." He responds. "I just wanted to confirm with you before going ahead with the transaction."

I graze my teeth over my bottom lip, reaching into my pocket to pull out a cigarette. "Get it done, and tell Sal not to fuck around this time."

He nods his head before pushing off from the door frame and walking away. With a sigh, I exit my office too, heading down the hallway and towards the kitchen where Anna immediately stops cooking to greet me.

"Don," she greets with a small nod.

"Anna." I reply and give her a small nod in return.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" She asks and I shake my head, watching as she offers a slight smile before continuing to cook.

Opening the patio doors, the sound of paws tapping against the concrete flooring along with a mixture between a bark and a growl catch my attention. Soon enough the huge dog comes into view and I stand still, watching as he runs up to me.