Batbrother One-shots

Someone Called For A Distraction

Summary:

The BatBoys have to stall villains for Batman.

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"Sir, may I ask why you're starting a new training course?"

"Because Alfred, I thought the kids would be better at improvising when it comes to stalling."

"Well you are still here, so perhaps they are better than you think."

Batman took a second to think about it.  

Dick!Robin:

It was a normal night in Gotham  City, Batman and Robin fighting side by side. Trying to apprehend some low-life criminals robbing a bank. Batman sent Robin to catch one of the criminals in the alleyway while Batman chased down the other one.

"You got this, Robin?" Batman asked his new sidekick.

"Yes, Batman." Robin replied and raced off to go catch the robber.

He caught up with the criminal and tried to corner him, but the robber was stronger than him. Robin soon saw that he was losing and had to find a way to stall before the robber killed him. Robin panicked and just started talking.

"Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor."

The robber had no idea how to react to this. A scrawny, walking traffic light was acting out a Disney movie from memory. He was so stunned with confusion, and a bit concern because this kid was getting every part of the movie right, that he didn't hear Batman come up behind him.

Batman knocked out the criminal and tied him and his buddy up, left them waiting for the cops. Then, Batman and Robin headed back to the batmobile. 

"So, do you really know that whole movie from memory?"

"I plead the fifth."

Jason!Robin:

Another day, another group of criminals need to be taken down. The two criminals split up, Batman took one, while his newest Robin ran after the other. 

Robin ran after the criminal and jumped him when he got the chance. He brought the criminal down to the ground, only to be tossed off and thrown into a wall. The criminal was stronger than he was. He was on the ground when the criminal pulled out a knife. Jason hasn't been Robin for long, so he when he saw the knife, he was frightened. 

He knew Batman was probably on his way to help him, but he still panicked and  started screaming the first song that came to his mind so he could stall for time.

"By the way, what he say? He can tell I ain't missing no meals. Come through and check him in my automobile. Let him - with his grills, he keep tellin' me to chill. He keep telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal. He say don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab. So I pulled up in the Jag', and I hit him with the jab like, Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun!"

The criminal just stared at Robin with stunned, wide eyes. The criminal was never in this type of situation before and had no idea what to do. He could feel a presence behind him, he turned around and  saw an equally stunned Batman behind him. Batman knocked out the criminal with ease, while still watching Robin scream Nicki Minja lyrics. 

Batman was starting to rethink this whole sidekick thing now.

Tim!Robin:

Same old Gotham City, same old low-life criminals who need to get caught by Batman and his sidekick. Together they chase after two robbers that split up. Robin takes one of the robbers as he runs into the alleyway. 

Robin fights the robber in the alleyway. The robber gets the upper-hand on Robin. He tries to stall enough. 

"Have you heard about the Sun People? These people follow this man, who is quite handsome and charming, and believe the sun gives them good luck and good dreams. Quite fascinating, the Sun People, the whole belief is fun. Honestly, if I was a cult leader, I'd start out by making a little social group for lonely people, then manipulate them into believing that I am the only one that they need in their life. Although, I wouldn't do it quickly. I'd take my time. Slowly making them think about me, and wanting to be with me. Make them believe that I am the almighty and that I am their purpose in life. That way, when they try to leave, they doubt themself so much that they end up never leaving. Mostly because in my cult, i'd deprive them off nutrients so that way, their brain slowly eats away at itself. I will be a God in their eyes. Can't you imagine it now."  

"Please, just let me go to jail. Don't take me to your cult." 

"Ew, I'd never let you in my cult. Do you see the outfit you chose to wear?" 

Batman drops onto the bad guy from above, knocking him unconscious, before turning to Robin.

"Before you say anything-"

"You know, Robin, I'm good. I don't need or want an explanation. Let's just go." 

Damian!Robin:

In an alleyway, during the deepness of night, you can find criminals getting the justice they deserve from the dynamic duo. 

"You'd never take me, stupid child. I'm taller and stronger!" He throws a punch that Robin easily dodged. 

"Dude, that was pathetic."

"Shut up, shrimp." He tried to kick Robin in the chest, but Robin caught his leg and threw the thief onto the ground. 

"This is unfair. I deserve a real fight. Get up, so I can show you some real moves. I shall not fight a man who can not properly defend himself." The thief stood up and didn't know how to respond. 

"Okay, so throw a punch, but this time, give it more force. Like this." Robin threw a punch into the thief's stomach. 

"Now, you go. Go on, give me your best shot." Robin stood with his arms out and prepared to get hit. The robber threw a punch into Robin's chest, making him stumble a bit. Robin didn't show any sign that he was in pain. Which scared the thief a bit.

"Good, not great. Make sure to work on that when you get to prison. Now, let's talk about those kicks, they are not good. When in a fight, don't look directly where you're going to strike. Use your peripheral vision. That way, it doesn't give away your next move. Also,-" Before Robin could continue, a batarang hit the robber in the head and knocked him out.

"Hey, that was my student, mind you." Robin turned towards the direction the batarang came from.

Batman stood there with two unconscious robbers beside him. He was not amused that his son was teaching criminals how to be better fighters.  

After thinking about it for a second, Batman replied to Alfred.

"They certainly get the job done. I would like to know before hand though. I definitely don't wanna have another Jason situation where they're screaming Nicki Minaj in my ear."

"Quiet right, sir."