When everyone had left, Shane took Shauna to bed, and Nicky was left in the sitting room, deep in thought. He thought back to when he had first met Shane. How his whole being had completely and utterly amazed him. He thought about all the days he had shared with him, and the other guys. The ups, the downs, and the in-betweens. They'd always been there.
And the promises. The plans for the future. Him and Shane had, long before this whole thing started, made plans to open a club or a restaurant. They'd promised Shauna so much the past few weeks, and even before that. Suddenly a big lump formed in his throat. He was being so selfish.
When Shane came back down he found Nicky crying on the sofa. He sat down beside him and placed his arms around him, pulling him really close. 'What's wrong?' 'Everything,' Nicky said in between tears. Shane rubbed his back, 'Come on Nicky, you'll have to give me a proper answer.' 'I don't want to die Shane,' Nicky clinged on to him, 'I'm so scared.'
Shane fell silent and pulled him even closer. He wasn't going to sit and lie and say he understood, 'cause he didn't. He didn't know what it was like to be in a situation where people told you how long you had to live. 'I... I want to go on drugs after all.' Nicky said finally. Shane looked down at him. 'Really?' Nicky nodded, 'Yeah. I don't care what way I stay alive anymore, I just don't want to throw everything away just like that, without even fighting.' Shane smiled at him; this started to sound like the Nicky he was used to.
Suddenly Nicky's expression changed. 'Shane?' 'Yeah?' 'You know, when I... if... I...' He took a deep breath. 'You know when I do die.' Shane almost stopped Nicky, but his expression made him change his mind. 'I want to die at home, not in a hospital bed.' Shane nodded as Nicky continued. 'And, you know, if... if I get so bad I just don't know what is happening would you... you know, just make sure I don't die in hospital? 'Cause that's what scares me the most.' Shane nodded again. 'Will you promise me that?' 'Yes, of course.' Nicky looked relieved as he cuddled closer.
'And, as well as that,' he continued after a while, 'I don't want everyone to mourn me, I want you to move on. You don't have to meet someone new, but I don't care if you do either. Just keep on moving on with your life, don't live in the past.' Shane nodded, both of their eyes had started to go misty, but they fought it bravely. 'And, I want you to sing something at my funeral, Shane, 'cause I love your voice... but please not a Westlife song, and not something soppy. Try to find something that reminds you of me, but in a happy way. Please don't sing a goodbye song, 'cause... you know, I'll always be there. I won't leave you, as long as you remember me, I'll keep watching over you... and...' he had to stop to swallow away the lump that had reformed in his throat. Shane nodded, 'I promise Nicky. I'd promise you the moon and the stars, and I'd get them for you, you know that
