All I ever wanted

15.

15. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Olli

Our gig in Kuopio was yesterday, and now I came back home to Oulu. I was very tired, and I just wanted some time with myself. But there is someone waiting for me, and I know that I will not get any space.
I opened the door, and I sighed. Right away when I came to the hallway and closed the door behind me, Emilia runned to me.
"Hi honey! I missed you." She hugged me tight and kissed my cheek, I almost choke to death.
"Hi." I only said, and get rid of my shoes.
"I have planned that we would watch some movie tonight, drink wine and so on. What do you think?" She immediately started talking and walked to our living room. With rubbing my eyes I followed her slowly, and I needed to find the right words what to say to her. She gets disappointed pretty easily.
She kept talking and talking what she has done for the past days, and I didn't focus at all. So I interrupted her.
"You know.. I'm very tired, and I need some own time..."
She freezed, and watched me, only nodding lightly.
"Right.. that happens like.. everytime..." She mumbled.
"What do you mean?" I frowned when she started to leave the apartment.

"Always. Every time, same thing. I liked last year so much.. we were spending time so much more than nowadays. Now you're always practising.. gigs.. interviews, other works and what else..." She moved her hands while she talked and put shoes on at the same time.
"This band is my life, you know that." I crossed my arms against my chest. She only rolled her eyes.
"Don't do that." I sighed.
"What am I supposed to do then? You know how boring here is while you're going everywhere all the time?" She whined, and I didn't like that at all.

"Live your own life sometimes. I have told you thousands of times that we are going to tour the whole world with boys, and that's something we have been trying to do all these years!" I was so frustrated that I have to tell the same things to her every time.
"The eurovision song contest.. damn I was lonely here..." She only speaked about herself.
My nerves were so thin right now, and I wanted to boil myself in a hot water or something.
But I decided to be silent and bite my teeth together while I watched her leaving.

"I'm going somewhere then, be alone here like you wanted." She said.
"Before you leave. Remember what I have told you." I said serious, and she listened while she took a grip of the door handle.
"This summer tour is nothing what is going to happen in the future. Next year we will tour the world, and either you accept the fact that I'm gone long times and be happy for me, or you cry over here and call and text me every single hour. It's your decision if you handle that or not."
And she only bit her lower lip and watcher her hands.
"What if it's too hard for me? Is it so impossible for me to come with you..?" She mumbled and looked me under her eyebrows.
"You are not coming.. no need for extra people." I told her.
And she only shook her head and chuckled a little bit.
"Now there is no space for me? What's the matter? What about her? Is she coming?" She moved her eyes on me, I only frowned.

"Eevi. She's with you guys in this tour as well. What is her job? Nothing."
I sighed again, my head started to hurt from all this useless talking. I just wanted to be alone for a moment, in silence.
"Eevi has had tough times, and maybe in the future she wants to do some job in music industry, so this is very good chance for her to see it little bit." I answered and she rolled her eyes again.
"Sometimes I feel like you don't listen me, and you avoid me." She then said.
I chuckled a little bit, and shook my head lightly.
"Well sometimes I feel like you don't respect my dreams that contains Blind Channel." I told her back. And then she left, probably went to her friends or something.
I actually didn't care, I only loved the peace in this apartment right now.
I took my phone and went to the balcony, there was a couch and I layed down there.
I took few deep breaths, and it was very warm day, and cloudy.

My relationship with Emilia hasn't been always this hard. We were young when we started dating. Very young, fifteen. There has been few fights, but somehow we have always talked afterwards and then everything has been okay again.
But for the past three years.. it has been always like this. I come home from tours or gigs, or just even from Helsinki where all the magic happens. She doesn't fully understand that making music, perform to hundreds, even thousands to people, that's my dream.
Tommi has said couple of times that she doesn't support this thing at all, because I'm gone often, and in the future will be even more.
And.. I can agree with that. It's obvious.
What has kept us together?
Honestly, I don't know.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my phone, I got a new message.
I opened it, and smile appeared to my face when I saw it was from Eevi.
"You forgot your new bass strings, will I kept them here in my apartment and give them to you when we meet again?" I read the message out loud, and I sighed and smirked. Why I always forget everything?

"Yeah, that's fine to me. Why I always forget everything?" I texted back with a grin on my face.

"If I'm being honest, you have always lost your things everywhere. Remember that one time when you left your whole guitar to my room when you went back home?" She texted and I chuckled when I read it, I remember that night so well.

"Didn't you bring it back to me two days later..?" I smirked while I wrote that.

"Yeah.. sorry about that :)"

"No problem :) luckily the strings are safe at your apartment. I'm sure they would get lost in studio or rehearsal place"

"Probably.. :D"

I shut my phone, and then stared the ceiling.
Honestly, I can't wait to see Eevi again next week when we have the gig in Lieto.
I already miss her presence, her smile and laugh. And those inside jokes what we have from the past, we still remember them.

How I managed to survive without her for ten years?
I missed her everyday. Every single day.
I wanted to take contact to her again, but then I hesitated. I thought that what if she doesn't want to see me again. She just stopped being with me, and I blamed myself. Did I do something wrong?
I still don't know, but soon I will ask about it. It still bothers me.
Why everything went like they went? Why I didn't see her again when school ended, and she moved to another city?
I asked about her from Tommi. Many times, that how is she doing.
He always asked that why I don't ask it myself from her.
I was too scared.
But everytime when Tommi told me that she's doing fine, I was relieved.
I smiled when I heard it.
It was all that mattered to me, that she's alive and doing well.

When we met again, after ten years. A week before tour was starting. I was nervous. I had anxiety. I wanted to throw up because of it.
But when I saw her, standing next to Tommi.
I couldn't help but smile.
She didn't have that black hair anymore, and she was just as beautiful like she has always been. Her green eyes bringed so many memories to my mind in that moment.
And the hug we had, it was emotional. That meeting was emotional.

And I'm the happiest man alive that I got her back to my life. But somehow she hasn't been gone. She has stayed in my heart for all these years.

I stood in front of big mirror and looked my dirty hair, I should go to shower. Before that I remembered one thing. I thought for a moment, and then I started searching mine and Emilia's bedroom.
I walked straight to my bedside table and opened it, I started to search one thing from all the stuff in there.
Emilia is the one who knows everything about my stuff, and I think she is digging my stuff when I'm gone, just to make sure there isn't anything abnormal.

I found it, and I smiled when I saw it. I took it in my hands, and cleaned it a bit.
Silver necklace, a small heart.
I gave it to Eevi when was her 15th birthday.
But I don't remember how I got it back.
Maybe I should gave this to her back, and see how she reacts.

Now you guys got some point of view from Olli, what do you think?
I love reading your comments, the latest chapter got so many and I'm very glad that you guys write them <3
Also, thank you for reading this story and giving votes!
And how you have been doing? I have been tired, today I just slept and tried to do something, but I didn't feel like it...
But this day turned better when I finally got my wans hoodie, and I love it🥰
Stay strong and safe 🖤