All I ever wanted

27.

                                   27. FREE

Olli

August 21th     4pm       2021

I was standing at the airport of Oulu. We just arrived here with Tommi. I had my sunglasses on, and we haven't talked to each other for a while. Tommi had left his car here, and he said he would drive me home. He started to walk to his car, but I just stood here like an idiot. My legs couldn't move. I didn't want to move.
Tommi turned his head a bit to me, and he saw that I wasn't moving. He took his sunglasses away, and he frowned to me. I stared him, but he didn't saw that, thanks to my black sunglasses.
"Hey, are you coming?" He asked confused, and pointed his car.
I was frustrated, I rubbed my forehead. I let out a long sigh. He saw that everything wasn't fine. And definitely wasn't.
Eevi had just told me yesterday that she wrote the poem to me ten years ago. We haven't talked after that.
I don't blame her, no. It's not that. I blame myself.

"I.. can't..." I finally got the words out of my mouth. Tommi looked me up and down, and then walked to me, lefting his stuff behind.
He placed his hand to my shoulder.
"Let's talk in the car, before fans found us here." He looked a bit around, I just nodded ligthtly and we continued our way to his car.

We sat there in his car, silent. He started to drive, and thag meant only one thing.
I would be home soon. And guess who is waiting for me there? Emilia, my girlfriend.
"So, what is it?" Tommi asked gently with his low voice, he focused to drive. I looked him quickly, and took my sunglasses off.
"Don't drive me home." I said determinedly.
He didn't react to that in any way, like he didn't heard what I said.
"Okay, you come to my place then?" He asked calmly and looked me when he stopped behind the red lights. I nodded.

"Coffee?" He asked while looking at me, I just nodded again. He put on the coffee machine and sat across from me in the kitchen table.
He placed his hands on the table, and crossed them.
Clearly he waited for me to start talking.
"Eevi told me something that happened ten years ago.. the poem was from her.. Emilia lied to me back then..." I explained, my hands were shaking.
Tommi's face didn't change, like he looked throught me. He sighed, and buried his face with his hands. He looked relieved.
"Finally she told about it." He said and placed his hands back to the table. He smiled a bit and chuckled.
"You knew it? And didn't told me?" I asked confused. He nodded.
"Eevi told me about the poem a while ago, and I promised to her not to tell about it to anyone. She wanted to tell herself when it's the right moment." He looked me smiling. But I was confused.
I'm confused that what will I do?

"I don't want to go home, Tommi. It's.. not my home. It doesn't feel like home. I don't know if I'm a terrible person but.. I don't want to see Emilia." I mumbled while Tommi stood up to pour us some coffee. He sat back and I wrapped my hands around the warm mug.
"You're not terrible person at all. I haven't told you this before, but if I was you, I would've had left Emilia years ago." He looked me under his eyebrows.
I know what my friends think about her, they don't like her. They haven't told it, but it's obvious. And I don't mind. I don't like her either.
"What has kept you guys together anyway?" He continued and frowned. I looked out of the window, and thought about it.
"Maybe because we have been together so long. Only the thought of breaking up and start a new life feels kinda scary.. all the old routines and things would be gone." I explained myself, Tommi nodded lightly, but I know what he would say next.

"I don't love her." I looked Tommi into his eyes. First he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"I have to go." I then said and stood up.
Tommi was confused, and asked that where I was going. I didn't reply. My mind was full of shit and anxiety, and there is one thing I have to do now.

I closed the door behind me, it was quiet. And I didn't say anything. She wasn't home, luckily. Fast I walked to our bedroom with my suitcase, there was only few clothes and those ones which I use on stage. I opened my wardrobe, placed the suitcase on our bed and opened it. I started to fill it with all my clothes, but of course not all fit in there.
I took one bag, and put clothes on there too.
In this apartment, there was nothing that I wanted, only my clothes. I don't need any furnitures or anything.
Then I heard how the front door opened, and then closed. I freezed for a moment, and fast I continued my packing. I had to get out of this apartment fast.
I heard her steps coming closer to the bedroom.
"Olli, you're home!" She said happily. But immediately when she saw what I was doing, she looked confused.
"What are you doing? Is there a longer trip I didn't know about?" She asked and crossed her arms against her chest.

"I'm leaving, permanently." I mumbled, without looking at her.
"What? Better explain." She said annoyed. I didn't respond, I closed the suitcase which was full of clothes.
"Explain!" She shouted and pushed me by my shoulder and it made me to look at her.
I'm sure my eyes were full of anger, she looked kinda scared by now.

"It means I'm breaking up with you. This is it." I said, and her face dropped. Then she frowned.
"You can't leave me.. what the fuck!" She shouted angrily. I walked past her with my suitcase and bag, she kept following me with angry steps, and for the whole time she shouted everything inappropriate.
I started to put on my shoes.
"Why you do this? Do you have someone better? Who will take care of you!" She talked with high note pissed.
"No one has to take care of me!" I decided to shout back.
"Who is she? Have you cheated on me?" She didn't listen me at all, of course not. It's always her. She never listens anyone else but herself.
"I haven't cheated on you." I angrily said, and then took my few jackets from the hanger.
"Why you do this then!" She shouted. I looked her, she had tears in her eyes.

"It's because of you. You have controlled my life too long. And I don't love you. I think I have never loved you." I confessed. Then we were silent for a moment. She was speechless. Her mouth was open, and she chuckled then, with tears in her eyes.
"What? You have never loved me?" She asked.

"Eevi told me about the poem. That was the final signal for me to continue my life, without you."
She looked angry.
"That fucking poem." She chuckled and shook her head.
"You can't find anyone who loves you like I do. Don't you remember all the things we have planned years ago? Own house, getting married?" She continued. I shook my head and looked my feet.
"My dream is to tour around the world with my bandmates, they are like family to me. And believe me, I know there is someone out there who respects me and my dreams. Who will not complain about everything, who will make me feel loved. Someone who will be happy for me because of what I have achieved." I told her, with tears in my eyes.
All these feelings have been inside of me.

I have thought about breaking up with her for so long, and I did this now. I feel relieved.
I feel like I can breathe again. But first I will have to leave this apartment, this building.
Then I can finally be free and happy.

"It's her, isn't it?" She asked almost whispering, but still with anger.
"Nothing I do doesn't belong to you anymore." I said the last word and left the apartment.

I took a very deep breath in the outside, while I waiter for my dad to pick me up.
Few tears fell down from my eyes. I smiled.
I closed my eyes for a second.
I breathed in, and out.
"Free." I whispered.

Here's how Olli break up with Emilia.
Thank you guys so much for reading this story, it means a lot to me! Also all your comments and votes makes me so happy <3
I'll take couple days just for myself, and I'll focus on writing in peace, without rushing.
All of you, take care of yourself.
Stay safe and strong🖤