All I ever wanted

28.

                  28. THOSE THREE WORDS

Eevi

I woke up, my body being wrapped by his hands.
A terrible headache, last night drinking was a bit much. But still, my heart felt relieved.
He asked me last night that do I love him.
I said I do.
Will he remember that? Anything about last night? Or does he think that I said is because we were so drunk. Does anything make sense from last night?
Slowly I opened my eyes, a bright light came straight to my face from the window. Unfortunately we forgot to close the curtains. I closed my eyes fast again, and rubbed my eyes.
I turned to lay down on my back, his arm was now on my belly, and he slept so peacefully.
I stared his face, and his hair. I moved some of the hair away from his face. Then he started to move a bit. He was waking up.
I reached to my phone which was on the bedside table, and it was 8am. We would leave back to Helsinki in one hour.
I wonder where everyone else is, and how they're feeling.
I put the phone back and turned to look at Olli.
He opened his eyes slowly, and when he saw me, he smiled a bit. I smiled back to him.

"How you're feeling?" I asked, studying his face.
He closed his eyes and snuggled closer to me, and he breathed against my neck.
"Bad.. but better when you're here." He mumbled. His words made me smile, I put my hand on his hair, and rubbed his scalp. He seemed to like it.
"I think we have to get up soon..." I said and he sighed.
"No.. I want to stay here..." He groaned.
"Do I have to tell the story again of Santeri?" I smirked and he chuckled tired.
"If you want to, it was good story." He responded.

"One excuse to stay here longer." I smiled and then he moved, and he was now laying on his belly. He put his arm under his jaw and studied my face.
"You remember last night..?" I asked gently. He nodded. I swallowed.
Then we were silent for a moment, only staring each other. I was a bit nervous because what he will say next, or do. But he seemed to be relaxed.
"Olli.. I meant it..." I decided to say something first. We don't have time to lay here, soon Santeri will probably come to knock that door and shout that where Olli is and where I am. They don't know that Olli is here with me, but somehow I know that they know.
"What you meant?" He asked quietly. He had that look in his eyes again.
He knows what I'm meaning, but he wants to hear it from me. Those three words.

"We have to get up." I looked away and stood up.
"Eevi..." He said gently.
I didn't look at him, only taking my clothes with me and I headed to bathroom.
"We have to go to breakfast before-" I started to feel weird feeling in my stomach. I let those clothes fall down to the floor, and I opened the bathroom door fast.
I just made it to the toilet, and I vomited.

"You okay?" I heard Olli's voice from behind me, and he took my hair out of my face.
As I was done, I stood up and Olli let go of my hair, I flushed the toilet.
Then I leaned against the sink, I felt his eyes on me.
Slowly I lifted my head up, and my eyes met his through the mirror.
He came a bit closer, and it made my heart beating faster.
"This situation is not the one I thought I would be, if I'm being honest..." He gently said, and our eye contact kept going.
"I have always wanted to say it.. you have no idea how hard it is..." I looked the sink instead of him.
I couldn't look at him in the eyes right now. The way I felt his gaze on me, the way I heard his breath near me. It made me weak again.
I felt weak, small, useless.. how a man like him would ever love me?
A man who would get anyone. Who would make people crush on him only by the way his eyes stare at them. He's someone who deserves the world.
He don't deserve a woman like me.
I'm broken, lost. I don't want anyone to pity me, I don't want anyone to feel frustrated because of me.