Running With Wolves [On Hold]

Chapter 32, Orson

It's been almost a week since I last saw Eleanor.

I throw another chair across the room, causing it to smash into my window and go through the glass, but no matter how many things I break or throw, I can't get her face out of my mind, the same face that once looked at me as if I was this amazing person.

Ha! I put it bluntly because I know I have always been a bastard, ever since I watched my mother be beaten to death in front of me, or the orphaned children who died in the streets, and who couldn't forget the many nights I had to listen to screams growing up? 

I can't blame my actions or how I spoke to Eleanor on my past, I'm no fucking saint. As soon as I left that house and earned my freedom, I spent four years fighting in someone's war in another realm for reasons I didn't care about, I killed when I was told to, I lived like that for four years, an empty person incapable of dealing with what was happening around me.

I'm no longer that child who ran off to war to feel something anymore, I'm an Alpha, I'm now in a position to do something positive in my life rather than be a slave to this society of greedy ambitious wolves who feed on the hard work of the people- my people who built Sovern from the ground up, only to be killed off for sport.

The festival is soon, the ceremony will take place after the festivities which gives me some time to act on the plan.

The festival... I had only been once, and once was enough, the wolves that died that day, not only from my hands but the hands of others, the blood still stains the arena of the desperate, who entered for food or medicine.

I would've given anything to shield Eleanor from life in Sovern, I take pride in the fact the people in my land, and pack members do not follow the 'new ways' of Sovern. I do not allow slave-owning to be part of my pack, nor do I allow the hunting of wolves or other creatures of the six realms, including Sovern on the day of the 'festival'.

The blood moon marks the day of the festival, every 24 years Alpifilas is sealed and is followed by festivities of blood, to mark the glory of the Carmine empire and rule.

I was nine when I entered the festival, with nothing but the rags on my back I won, that was the first time I saw the Carmines staring down at me proudly as I hold the dead heart of my opponent in my hands, who was twice my age.

It made me feel sick. I was exhausted, starving, and covered in blood and sweat, yet everyone was cheering and clapping, giving me praise for my 'wonderful performance of hand to hand combat'.

I knew then that I wanted to change this fucking realm.

I had tracked down the boy's mate and child who mourned the death of their loved one and gave them my winnings which was enough food to last three months, then I left and entered the war the next day, never looking back, I always kept their faces burned into my mind, not once erasing the look in their eyes as they swallowed their pride and shamefully accepted something from the one that killed someone they loved with hate and disgust on their faces.

Theirs a knock at my door and I didn't realize I was standing by the broken window as I thought about the past.

"Jadat she." (Come in)

I turn and see Sena, my third in command enter and close the doors behind her.

Adan had informed me that she arrived earlier than expected, I didn't expect to hear from her so soon, but so much shit has happened this week that I'm not surprised to see her a few days early, word by now has probably reached the capital that Lord Baltimier was thrown off my land, with whispers of a court hearing in the wind.

"Your temper is still something to work on." She says humorously as she glances around my office.

I scoff at her words and pick up a piece of glass. "Aren't you supposed to be guarding your Luna?"

Theirs a silence which isn't something that I find odd when it's Sena, she's not talkative which is what I like about her, as well as Adan and the rest of my trusted pack members.

"I wanted to talk to you about the Luna. Congratulations again by the way Alpha."

My chest clenches and I want to break more things until the room is completely unsalvageable, the thought eases the pain in my chest from the mention of Eleanor.

"Thanks." I say dryly. "What is it you want to say?"

She clears her throat. "The Luna hasn't eaten in the past three days Alpha, she refuses to speak to anyone, I was hoping she might speak to you Alpha."

I swallow the dry lump in my throat and hold my head in my hand as I sit down.

Even though my heart cracks at the thought of her starving herself, she must toughen up and stop acting like such a child, I know she is doing this to cause me pain, and it does, more than I will admit out loud, there is no mistake I feel every emotion from Eleanor ten times over.

I feel her crying herself to sleep at night, for the past week I've felt every single drop of emotion from Eleanor. I know exactly how she feels about me right now, and like an asshole, I kept my distance from her in the hope she would calm down so we could talk.

I know she wants to leave here, but I can't let her... she has to stay, even if she grows to despise me and not want me anymore, I can't let her leave.

The single thought of her not wanting me as a mate anymore is too painful, but if keeping her here against her will is the price of what I have to do to keep her safe, I will stay the monster she sees me as in the hope to keep her alive.

"Alpha?"

I look up at Sena and sigh. "If she refuses to eat then make her, I'm busy Sena!" I snap out, frustrated with myself.

Sena's face turns stoic as she nods her head, before she leaves the room and closes the door, she turns to me and glares, something she rarely does, then she closes the door behind her with a bang.

Eleanors life means more to me than the millions in Sovern, yet I can't even stand in front of her, my own lifemate, to tell her that, because I know once I do, the words that come from her mouth will shatter me into a million pieces until I am unable to pick them up and put myself back together.

I need her, not only for my pack but because for the first time in a very long time, I want to save Sovern, but not just for revenge and for my people, but for Eleanor, so she will stay here with me, so I can have a real chance at proving just how much she means to me, without the fear of her running away from me.

Or worse, having someone take her from me.