Across From Me

Seventeen

Clementine lay in her bed, doing nothing. Her hands were folded on her stomach, and her puffy eyes were facing the ceiling. She blinked a few times, an uncomfortable burning sensation following after. She hadn't blinked in a while then.

This is what she had been doing for over two hours now. She had been running over everything she had done, everything she might have done to piss someone off. But she found nothing. She didn't know what the hell she did to make someone so angry at her that they decided to ruin the one thing she might have been proud of. The disappointment was more powerful than the shame or bitter anger.

She had been ignoring the chime of texts and calls on her phone. When the rest of her family wasn't brave enough or cared enough to knock on her door, they texted her. But she never responded because she couldn't bring herself to pick up her phone. Her body felt like lead.

It wasn't as if the paintings were the reason she felt like this, they were the many small things that built up after so long and eventually piled on so much she couldn't handle it any longer. Clementine prided herself on being strong and resilient, she could bounce back any time she could. That's what her dad said, at least. But this time, she felt as though she was helpless to other's cruelty

And the only shining light in her life at the moment, she was pushing away. But it's not like it was anything different, she was pushing everyone away. And it wasn't like she was 'testing' them of their loyalty, or felt bad for herself so much that she thought they didn't want to be associated with her. None of those were true.

The truth was, Clementine was so tired of smiling.

She was tired of pretending like everything was fine. Like she could handle the constant stress of being her. Being the top student, being the best sister, being the best and most popular person. It wasn't her. All through middle school she put on this mask of something that she wasn't.

Even when she entered high school, she tried to be something she wasn't. But she met those two. They showed her something. They were only slightly older than her, but she felt as though they had some secret knowledge of everything. They showed her if only for a moment, to be herself.

But it wasn't her freshman year anymore. She was the one who had to deal with the truth that she messed up their friendship.

The thing about Clementine was that she was always afraid. Afraid of others, afraid of the smallest things in life, and afraid of herself. She was always in fear that she would do something horrible when all she wanted was to be a good friend. She was afraid she was going to push people away. And she did, several times she did and she tried to push Beth away.

Beth was unlike anyone she had met before. It was shocking at first. Because Beth never hesitated to be honest with Clementine. She was the one who made it very clear to Clem that she was being ridiculous when she suggested they not be friends. She was the one who reminded her that others' opinions don't matter.

And they don't until those opinions lead someone to destroy another person's property.

And that left Clem wondering, waiting, for what would be next? Clementine only hoped that she would be the only target because Beth didn't deserve to be targeted. But knowing everyone else, they would find a way. And the idea of that terrified Clementine. If it really did end up happening, then Clementine would feel as though she was something that attracted bad luck.

Beth had called her earlier, telling her that she was sorry about what happened and that they should talk about it when Clem was ready. She didn't know what to say, truthfully. There were already a million different things running through her head right now. She was scared to go back to school. Scared to show her anger. And scared to just be scared.

She felt like everything was crashing around her. And she was helpless to stop anything that would happen to her or Beth or anyone else around her.

Clementine knew it wasn't her fault that someone didn't like her, that they had a vendetta against her. But she couldn't help but wonder what she could have done to piss them off enough to do that. As much as she tried to convince herself, she felt like she ruined everything. That she might have done something wrong. Well, she was doing something wrong right now.

Beth at least deserved something. Something to tell Beth that she was okay, even if she wasn't. Clementine really didn't want Beth to worry even if it wasn't completely truthful. But Beth probably deserved the truth too. Clementine really didn't know what to do.

She wanted to ask her dad what to do, but he wasn't even home. And there was no way she was going to ask her mom or her siblings for what to do. It's not like they would make fun of her, but she knew her mother would be exceptionally critical of her decisions. Somehow make it her fault. Even when Clementine was trying to convince herself it wasn't.

Clementine moved for the first time in over an hour. Her body ached and cracked. She sighed deeply, stretching her arms and legs out. Rubbing her eyes, she picked up her phone on the bedside table and turned it on, squinting her eyes for a moment at the brightness. There was a significant amount of texts from Beth and her family, and another number she didn't recognize. She wouldn't bother to check that one.

She dreaded reading and replying to Beth's texts. Firstly, she didn't know what to say, and she also wasn't someone who was great at facing her problems. There were only four messages, each of them short.

Hey, just making sure you're okay?

I'm really sorry about the show.

I don't know why someone would do that.

Please reply to me when you can.

Her eyes brimmed with tears, something she didn't want to happen. But it was such a realization at that moment that Beth cared about her. Maybe she could have realized that earlier, but she had spent so long in relationships where they never cared for each other. There were several times here Clementine was struggling, and she got little to nothing to comfort her from her friends. It was those days when she would be crying alone in her room when she realized that not even her closest friends cared enough to send her a text.

But Beth cared. Cared enough to apologize for something she didn't even do. Cared enough to ask if she was okay. Cared enough to ask her to reply, to want a reply.

Clementine cried because for the first time in a long time she felt what it was like to have someone truly care for her. She also cried because of her own behavior. She should have replied a long time ago.

She wiped away her tears, and with shaking hands, she typed out a reply.

Yeah, I'm okay for now.

Don't be sorry for something you didn't do.

I'm really sorry for not replying earlier.

She sat on her bed, hugging her legs and allowing tears to run for another minute. They weren't sobs or the type of crying that consumed all of you. It was silent, letting tears run down her face, occasionally sniffing.

She was startled when she heard the chime of her phone. Clementine hesitated, holding her phone in her hand, and looking at the notification on her screen. She eventually just let herself breathe and opened her phone.

That's good.

Can you come to the window? I think we should talk.

Clementine got up, preparing herself for what was waiting at the window.