Across From Me

Thirty Four

Things didn't get much better in the following weeks of Elizabeth and Clementine's talk. At home, Violet and her mother were still fighting, and the dark cloud over their house hung heavy. Beth was still struggling, but what was different was that Clementine was there. At least by her side, enough to let her have space to grow. Beth couldn't have been more thankful for her presence.

While Beth wished Violet would try to make a better life for herself, she couldn't control what Violet did. It was only a matter of time before their mother reached her breaking point. Beth wished she wouldn't have to be there to see it.

She wished she could be like Charlie and be able to leave whenever she wished for days on end. Likely, it would be a while before anyone noticed, but Beth had an ingrained feeling of responsibility where she was anchored. As well as having nowhere to go.

She very well could go to Clementine, but it was her job to manage her own problems, and not dump them on Clementine. Beth didn't want to depend on Clementine, she wanted to be able to regulate her own emotions and sadness. To be able to deal with her own problems. And while she appreciated the shoulder to cry on, the support from Clementine, that's all she was going to be. She didn't want Clementine to solve her problems.

But Beth had her safe space, away from all the hardships of her life. A quiet library, a park at sunset, even going into the world of a book for just a little while. It was the small things that gave her joy, and the small things that gave her joy gave her hope. Even as the days continued to get warmer way too early into the year, Beth felt the sun on her skin and appreciated that one day her own cloudy days will be over. It was only a matter of time.

Beth, however, still had to go through school days listening to her classmates talking about how amazing their lives are. Mind-numbing enough to the point where Beth wanted to bang her head against the desk. In the early morning, it wasn't so torturous, because at least she had a friend in one of her classes.

She hadn't appreciated Minnie's presence the entirety of the time she had been in her classes. Minnie had always stuck close, but always been within a boundary and never crossed a line with Beth. Somehow, as she had always managed to do in middle school, she was able to lift Beth's head from her desk for at least a minute and hold her attention during that time. Beth had never noticed how often Minnie was just there, a silent supporter of her even in really really shitty times.

Beth had felt bad for never noticing before.

It was one of those early mornings when Beth had more energy and confidence than on other days and was able to keep her head up. Minnie, who sat close by, noticed the change and moved closer.

"Well you look happier this morning," Minnie commented, smiling at her, "Why the change?" Minnie had pulled a chair closer to Beth's seat which Beth knew was against the rules. She wasn't complaining though.

Beth shrugged, "No real reason," She had begun digging into her backpack to avoid eye contact, "I just feel better today I guess."

"That's good," Minnie replied, and an awkward pause followed. Minnie sighed deeply, playing with a strand of her dark hair, finally, she said, "Look, I don't know what's been bothering you, or what you've been going through these past few weeks but always know you got support from me," Minnie seemingly trailed off, averting her eyes from Beth's, "Not that it's my business. I don't want to make it seem like I'm trying to impose on you or your life or that I'm being insincere."

Minnie, who had never really been good at explaining her feelings or intentions let her words fall silent, and she kept her head down, trying to avoid Beth's gaze. Beth was grateful for Minnie, even though she had done a bad job of showing Minnie that.