Across From Me

Twenty Six

Beth was having a bit of a hard time.

Every problem usually came at once for her. She had a lot of homework she had no motivation to complete, the past was coming back to haunt her, and Beth and her mother had an argument. Everything piles on, all at once, and it becomes suffocating. Beth doesn't complain, though.

But the worst thing was seeing Clementine struggling, and then being shut out. Beth didn't know why Clementine was upset, even why it upset her so much to see and be ignored. Beth had made it her mission to find out what was wrong, but she only got ignored or turned away. So Beth stuck to just being there. Maybe holding out the hope that Clementine would naturally open up and tell her what was wrong.

But going through each class, trying to complete work with a person who didn't even try to talk to her was tiring. At the same time, Beth had her own struggles too, and she would tell Clementine about them. They were each other's support system. Beth never told anyone about her struggles but Clementine.

Beth was afraid that middle school was repeating itself again.

Every day, it was the same thing, she would try to talk to Clementine and get ignored. Beth desperately wanted to know what was worn, if she could help. This time though, it was made clear to her that Clementine didn't want help. So much so that Clementine snapped at her to leave her alone.

Beth hadn't experienced that before with Clementine, and the fear of being betrayed started to grow and grow. Like a small feeling usually does, it starts to grow to proportions you never thought you could have. Middle school was starting to come back in ways she never wanted it to. She thought she was done with being afraid.

Beth grew used to being lonely after middle school. She was fine with being alone, she was fine with not having any friends. But after Clementine came into her life, Beth was reminded how nice it was to have a friend who loved and cared about her. Beth wondered how she was ever able to keep going after she had lost that feeling. How the loneliness didn't consume her. And it was happening again, but this time, it was so much worse.

Yet Beth stuck to her usual routine though, never imposing or becoming a bother. Each day coming home to a quiet house. Her mother or siblings were rarely ever home before she was. Violet was usually busy with her friends and Charlie either studying or working. So Beth became a part of the same routine each day, coming home, doing homework, eating, scrolling on the internet for hours, and then going to bed.

Some days, Beth would nap, and then wake up to arguments happening downstairs, and Beth would sit and listen to the same topics, the same door slams and stomps down the hall.

But Beth came home one day to see Violet was home and sitting on the couch with another person that Beth was somewhat familiar with. A boy named Ezekiel, the kid who was dating Adrian, the long-time friend of Violet. For Beth, it was hard to keep track of the people in her head, so Ezekiel was just Adrian's boyfriend to her. He was nice, always welcoming to Beth if a bit shy.

The conversation they were having looked serious, all whispered words and furrowed eyebrows. It took a moment for the two of them to notice that Beth was even standing there. Violet gave her a look, one that clearly told Beth to go away. But both continued to stare, wondering what was going on. Ezekiel was texting on his phone, not looking at Beth.

"Can you go away? We were having a conversation," Violet snapped at her, and Beth frowned at her in response.

She made a show of looking around the room, putting her hand on her chin, before replying, "This is the living room, I live here too," Beth said, but she left anyway. She wasn't planning on staying there anyway.

Upstairs, Beth wondered what the conversation was about. It looked serious, and Beth hoped it wasn't because Adrian and Ezekiel broke up, but she couldn't be sure. In the end, it wasn't her problem to worry about. So Beth began her usual routine by starting her homework. Mind-numbing and boring, but necessary, and also, expected.