Across From Me

Thirty Three

It was 3:32 PM on a Friday when Clementine had sat down next to Elizabeth. She had come to apologize.

Elizabeth was shocked to find Clementine there next to her. Elizabeth, who had folded in on herself, hunched over, eyes scanning the words of a thick book. Elizabeth hid under the hood of her thick jacket even in the light of the warm day. Beth's eyes scanned Clementine, her expression, her posture, her eyes. Then she looked back down at the book in her lap and shook her head. Clementine sat beside Beth, opting not to say anything.

The silence dragged on for what felt like an eternity. Beth could feel her thumbs pressing into the pages and making indents in the book. Maybe her hands were sweating. Elizabeth was rightly nervous, seeing as she hadn't spoken to Clementine in weeks at this point. All of life had crashed down upon her at once when Clementine left her alone. Left her alone to make new friends while the weight of the world crushed her and she tried her hardest to stay on her feet. She had so much to say, maybe even scream, but her voice caught in her throat and she was rendered to silence once more.

"I never asked you what your favorite book was, did I?" Clementine said, breaking the silence. Beth looked up at Clementine through the lashes of her eyes and tried to make sense of Clementine's expression, which could only be described as serene and calm.

Beth knew below the surface it was anything other than that, "Wouldn't you like to know," She shot back. Yet Clementine didn't seem fazed at the aggression. However, there was little to no power in the words Beth spoke, a part of her still weak to say anything.

"Beth I'm sorry," Clementine blurted, the words that had been bubbling in her throat finally coming out, "I know I shouldn't have left you like that. I know it was dumb of me to do so. I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that and I've spent these weeks missing you more than I thought ever would and-" Clementine paused, taking a breath, Beth watched, "You have been nothing but supportive to me, loving to me, and I took you for granted. I just want to prove to you that I don't, if you would allow me?"

Beth did not respond. What was she supposed to say? That she forgives her? Hell no. At least not right now. At that moment Beth hated Clementine. She hated Clementine. Hated her for leaving her behind, for making her feel alone. But most of all, she hated her because Clementine made her feel powerless again. Like she was back to her weaker middle school self. Hunching down in the hallways to avoid being spotted by people she would rather not see. Having to deal with the ache of loneliness once more.

So fuck it. The apology is not accepted.

Beth took a deep breath, "The past few weeks," Beth began, "Have been the worst weeks of my life. Hell, this whole month has just been one awful thing after another," She paused, finally straightening up and looking Clementine in the eyes, "Do you know how long I waited for you to talk to me? Believing I did something wrong? That I was the one at fault?" She watched Clementine's expression, which had changed to show subtle concern, "Did you know how stupid I felt?" She asked.

"I-" Clementine began.

"And as I waited patiently for you to come up to me, horrible things just kept happening. People keep harassing me, my family is frankly falling apart, and most of all I felt so incredibly lonely in a world where you were so close by," Beth needed to breathe, her lungs were seizing up, now was not the time to cry, "You weren't there when I needed you. In a time when you needed me, I was always there. Always ready to give you the support you needed," Beth could feel the anger building, her breathing getting uneven, "The time I needed you the most. At the time I needed a friend the most, you were gone. And you went off and made new friends. I sat there and watched you as you moved on. I felt so pathetic."